My phone lights up in notification of a new text.
"What are you going tonight?"
I'm in my pajamas, in bed, watching a late night talk show.
* I'm already in bed for the night. What's up?*
"When did you get so old? It's only 10:30."
Ouch.
* I don't know. It just kinda happened one day. *
"Well we are going out if you decide to stop being lame and want to join us."
* Ok. Thanks. Maybe next time. *
Who am I kidding I won't go out next time.
My party days are over.
The mind numbing thump of clubs is no longer appealing.
The light headed feeling induced by alcohol is more nauseating than fun.
I'm 22. That's not old.
Right?
Just because I would rather stay at home than go out for thirsty Thursday, that makes me old?
I would like to think I am growing up.
I'm an adult now.
I'm responsible.
Right?
That's what I tell myself anyway.
I'm not old, I'm growing up.

What the hell am I doing?
I need someone to guide me,
Hold my hand,
Bring me back down to earth.
My mind is that muddy shade of grey
When it used to be a vibrant spectrum.
I can't tell which way is up,
Who to give my heart to,
Or where to land.

I need a beacon through this static
To guide me towards solid ground.

My roots run too deep
to forget you.
The twang of your voice
and your cowboy boots.
The way you wore your wranglers
and your crooked smile.
My mind always goes back to that summer.
Phone calls that lasted forever,
watching the stars,
and holding hands.
I miss your jokes,
your laugh,
your voice.
But I don't miss you.
I know that you are not good for me

I am starting to grow soft,
sentimental and romantic.
But I think God put you here by me
for a reason.

I know I don't have to settle,
comprimise,
or overlook.

You are showing me what a true man is.
Thank you.

Time had no hold on us,
The only thing that ended our night was
The coffee shop's sign flipping from open to closed.

I couldn't stop smiling,
The only person that I saw in that
Small crowded shop was
You.

I can't believe our common interests
And everything we talked about.
I think this may be right.

Side hugs are nice,
But tonight let's up the stakes.
I am willing to take a chance if you are.

Don't let me down
           this time I am flying too high
I won't survive this crash
             your looks are fatal
Coffee dates seem harmless
              but what does taking me to church mean?

Don't let me down
             *I need to be seen in your radar.

The musician crooned into his lonely mic
Bending and crashing his guitar strings,
And everyone was singing.
The college kids talked pseudo politics
Over streamed milk and bold brews,
And everyone was singing.
The poets huddled in their corners
Scratched words onto pages,
And everyone was singing.
The city folk bundled in coats and hats
Hustled along the sidewalks,
And everyone was singing.
Old Man Winter howled and
Covered every inch with his frosty breath,
And everyone was singing.

My feet crunched on the frozen ground
Walking towards the image of you,
But everyone was silent.
In that moment there were no musicians, college kids, or poets.
The city folk weren't in a rush and Old Man Winter was at bay.
Everyone was silent.
I could hear your heart pounding out
A melody just for me.
But everyone was silent,
For you and me,
For the spark in our eyes,
The songs in our hearts,
And our future to be.