a creeping vine
of lonely ache
reaches out from
the ever whispering
pit
that sits behind my left ear.

fed by cold
desperate waters.
it reaches for me,
tripping,
grabbing,
begging.

what if they
were the only one?
and you,
just
had
to be
miserable...

"...tell me what you're gunna do now?/you get everything you wanted and you're still let down./ tell me what you're gunna do now..."

the voice on the radio sings my thoughts back to me,
the universe asking me to
pay attention.

i etch assuredness into
the stone of my face,
and remember that i'm driving,
even if i can't recall where i'm going.

the song plays,
the vines tighten their hold,
i scrape the last fight out of me,
and do
the only thing
i know how to do.

it's so cliche
so stupid falling out of my mouth,
but,
i died after the choice.

the world's edge dulled
light grew dim.
colors merely exist,
not meaning the same thing anymore.

nothing feels good
it doesn't fit.
watching the story doesn't mean understanding the nuisance.
it's gray.
its barren.
it's never ending.

i died that day.
like so many people do.
i linger,
only out of habit now.

this neverending monotony,
is the only thing I have now.
the only thing that reminds me
that anything is wrong at all.

it's cruel of you to show.
populating a dream
in the same careless way you
hung around all those years ago.

your arm found my waist,
gravity pulling my head down
to that trusting place between your head and heart.

it was easy.
horribly easy.
the world shifted into place
around us
and i knew
the waking world
wasn't for me.

the past year,
and the boy that occupied
your old space
was nothing compared
to this one moment,
this memory,
this ache.

plush captivity
where you too can lay you're weary brow in the wanting lap of lady luxury.

work in our store and buy exclusively our things,
step on the wheel to eat, and drink, and **** out new wallets with dull, lifeless, photogenic, joy.

dont ask where it came from,
or what the cost was.
it's all within your grasp if you just work a bit harder.
that new flavor experience,
a shimmering glow,
the look, the depth, the higher ground,
jealousy, worship,
confidence,
that aching hole,
finally filled,
for the small, small, price of
acquiescence.

let the hands of the master's
worry about the big things.
we know what's best and
knowing what you can't help but want is our job.
we haven't been you in ages,
if we ever were,
but the image is nice so
we'll wear the face you need us to,
at any given moment.

you need us, we know, and we'll make sure to remind you every day.
dont think about the inverse.
you're tired, hungry, poor and over worked, ashamed, scared, or just plain unconcerned; death comes
to us all, you're just waiting out your turn.

plug in awhile,
who has time to raise their heads?
we firmly have the wheel.
we know exactly what's coming up ahead.

there is no enslavement,
no punishment,
just no where else to go,
and no other way to do it.
deeds done in the dark
are done for you, in your name,
who cares about the rest?
you and yours are ok,
and really,
what else
could you
ever
really
need?

gray sky warns of sun soon to come
and the slow hum of a world waking
accents the quiet.

you're heavy next to me,
anxious thoughts
tumble to the floor,
streaming steady,
like draining sand.

yesterday is fading
and i can't bring myself to look into a tomorrow becoming today.

you're gone already,
the tickets tucked away in your purse.
i'm holding a promise,
prolonging memory.

the sun is quick and persistent.
i **** myself for not closing
the ******* curtains
when you asked me to.

the crab bakes it's salt
on a rock littered shore.
bashed through,
cracked, and bleeding brine.

waves roll and guts run before
eyes that are having
their first taste of either.

those baby blues watching
something die for the first time
feel nothing.

they look to the sea,
bored with life and death.

there are empires to build.

cold wind in blonde hair,
dew like rain on light lashes,
a different kind of water
than the tears standing there.

i should have picked a better day,
one with sun,
warmth.

she is strong,
but water always wears down stone.

it rains,
she breaks.