When the drunken stupor dissipates,
and haze clears from your eyes,
I pray that you find solace within
and hope it was worth our goodbyes.

Blue eyes, vacant, unsure, lost.
Our souls enmeshed
while shadows danced,
(clawed)
their way up the walls, through the ceiling.
That’s the last time I’ll ever get that high (again)
on drugs? Yeah…..right…...
(fat chance)
on empty words, impure intentions;
(destitute souls and cowardice pretending to be men)

I don’t want to remember,
this last month of November.
Gouge it from my eyes,
carve it off my lips,
scrub it from my soul.
You see,
the moon rests high,
while the tides pulled low
and waiting for that change
merely hardens the soft blow.

The rust on the chain lock
glimmered in candle light.
I latched it…
the very first time tonight.
No need for a visit or to be here
ever again.
Easier with me,
and harder without.
Harder with me,
impossible without.
The conundrum I must face.
The script of Wellbutrin,
and you’re avoidance,
like I’m a plague.


Lead the path of war, destruction, pillage, demise.
ConunDRUMS……

N
A
  T
   E
  
     could you play that beat one more time?
      Just like the cannon fodder fuel.
       *** vs. Kettle
        Jekyll v. Hyde
         bandage third degree burns,
          but you never were mine.
           This lifetime,
             this timeline,
               self sabotaged and deconstructed,
                left salvaging the pieces now.
Isn’t that what we both always wanted?

You forgot the breadcrumbs!
Seemingly, always forgetting
the importance of the minute details.
How?!
am I supposed to make this chicken cutlet?!
I lack the ingredient that
ties the dish together.
The egg wash and flour can’t stand alone!
without the crumbs.
But I requested panko,
so it would be crispy.

We were play dates shutting down dive bars, biting off more than we could chew.
The echoes of our laughter
crescendoed over the sea of lonely patrons,
a somber feeling that we unfortunately knew.
Were we captivated by conversations
or had it subconsciously been our eyes all along?
Windows to the soul.
Holding onto the agonies,
that only we would ever truly know.
Our rugged exteriors,
so easily unraveled with subtlety.
Eye contact,
rarely,
if ever,
was it realized so indiscriminately.
I intentionally drug my feet
when we walked the frostbitten winter streets
taking in music
and whatever that feeling was,
because,
we were warned it’s not for us to keep,
we’ll always lose it.
I trailed behind you in a childlike protest,
prolonging the inevitable,
of cleaning up yet another self inflicted mess.
Hands would wander down the alleyways,
our bodies merely in tow,
illuminating the darkness,
to wrestle with our invisible foe.
“You better go.
Now.
I’m beginning to like you.”
Grasping,
pulling,
unwavering grip.
“It’s the way you’d bite my lower lip
and push your hips against my hips”
as you breathed your afflictions into me,
daring me to come home.
All too familiar was the suffering
that pulsed throughout my veins,
displaced residuals of ecstasy, solitude, unrelinquished pain.
What happened to the time?
We tiptoed through a hazy slew
of a hundred halfhearted goodbyes.
I always turned back around
to steal another glimpse though.  
I thought you knew why.

I thought you knew why,


I thought you knew,



I thought…

It is over for you,
when I am done rotting in this room.
I shall rise with sunken cheeks,
donning delicate, alabaster skin
standing alongside my demons
with whom I have made my amends.