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maybe if
i don't sleep
for long enough
I'll       sleep
forever
soon
you told me
our daughter
(because you always wanted
kids) would be
named after me
and she would
be beautiful
"just like her mother"
and i imagined
you grinning
like the proudest man
as you held her
before kissing me
and reminding me
you loved me
with all your heart
forever
i imagined the
pregnancy
(i never was the dolly type
and was never clucky before)
but you'd hold me
and kiss my belly
each night
and tell me
you'd love me
forever

instead
sadness caught you
in it's clutches
soon followed
by suicide
and you told me
you'd love me
forever
I noticed tears
were falling
half way through
writing this
I miss him
so much
my creative flow
is no longer a natural,
beautiful downhill stream
it's a mountain hike
where the water
gives up
Don't let that name part those sweet lips again
A perfection in a perfection is impossible
Unless it is I
How can you not see it?
Every time you speak of her perfection, I look at yours
You say cute as if a puppy following your every step
Am I only a sister to you
A foe?
I can't help but look you down and feel anxiety
I can't help but look over any flaws
For it seems I take all of your imperfection
I feel so awkward around you
Only because I feel everything about to burst
Only because I know you may not ever feel the same
Only because when you speak her name I see your face brighten
That is what kills me
Every faint sigh
Every sad conversation to which I want to kiss those words away
Wrapping around you
Bid All Sorrowful Things Away!
Not knowing what I wish
For you put me in a realm of idiocy
I want that touch of your warm hands on my burning skin
Oh! Just that sighing aching thought of loosing you
If only you knew
I want to lock you away in my heart
To tell you dreams are only dreams
To lie to you and say I am fine
Kills me even more
My old soul and dying heart
Being left for dead from the sound of your voice
Please!Just whisper the word fair mind
For thy lady cannot know.
Her beauty to fragile
Her heart to kind to even spare me but a mere couple words
To even gaze into my eyes
For she pumps my blood
She fills my steaming ecstasy
Don't smile with my thoughts running a muck
Don't sound so happy when you are speaking her name
That sound is poison to me
Dripping with every syllable into my chest
Let's just run away
You have already taken my soul
Take my lonely body with you
Why must being so young hurt so bad?
But feel so good?
Remembering the dreams of peace
And love
And rock and roll
And of me getting you for once
naked in a field of flowers
Wait? You say
For you to stop loving this?
For me to get your broken heart after leaving her?
What is cute?
Constant thoughts about how it will never be
Your awes every time I say a word sounds so pathetic
So sarcastic into another way of saying you don't care
Just stop the nonsense and keep calling my name
I want to hear perfection
Like I think of you
I want to get hugs like you give everyone else
I want to feel your touch
I want to call you mine
And show how much I love you in front of the world
In front of your cruel relative blood
What is this?
I have not any words to tell you in person
For fulling knowing it is i ?
Or it is you, lady, the one I love dearly
I don't want to loose this friendship as I lost my heart to you
So just say my name
**** me over and over
The thing you are so good at doing
Keep on introducing me to other lovers of yours
Keep burning me with those sad words
Bury me
Bury me in my own blood
In the blood of your perfection
For I am cursed to never grasp love
And always grasp friendship
avoid                         eye         contact    
keep to your own business
don't ever look vulnerable
or lost                                                                  
look like    
you have somewhere to be
and you'll be okay
because people will think
someone might be waiting for you
even if                        
you're all alone
no one knows          
no ones opinion matters
because you're only
a fleeting person
in a crowd
my left arm
is that time i didn't ask
if you were okay      
my left leg
is that fisrt time                  
i changed for the worse          
my right leg
is that time I cried to you        
and it broke you apart
my stomach
is the last time
i spoke to you      
did i say that i love you?
my marks
are for the time
i wasn't awake                    
when you were dying

i'm marked with fault
i didn't do enough to save you
This is about the girl who fell in love with the moon.
Resting against the cold glass window at night
To get a glimpse of the light on the side she laid eyes on
And wondered about the darkness she would never get to see.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the stars.
Watching them sparkle and shoot across the sky.
She shed a tear knowing these stars were long diminished
And wondered if she as well would leave such a lasting mark.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the rain.
Falling fast asleep to the quiet drops on the pavement
With colors forming through the heavy mist,
And wondered if she could ever be as beautiful as a rainbow.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the ocean.
Sinking her toes in the sand while breathing the salty air,
Noticing the fish swimming easily through the blue water
And wondered if she could glide through life the same way.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the sun.
Lying in the swaying grass, feeling a soft breeze on her cheeks
Only to be shaded by the birds flying free under the light
And she wondered if she could one day be as free.
This is about the girl who fell in love with solitude.
Curled up with the dusty pages of her favorite book
Reading of the lover’s who share their lives together,
And wondered if one day she might share her solitude.
This is about the girl who fell in love with you.
With the way your body wrapped around hers,
How you could command a room with the warmth of your smile
And she wondered if one day she could call you hers.
This is about the girl who fell in love with too many things.
Realizing none of them would ever be hers,
Knowing she had no one to share them with.
And she wondered if she would always feel so alone.
small swirls                              
twists and                                          
turns                    
spirals and                  
flips                                                
all                                               leaves      
fall                                
some    faster                                      
than                    
others                                  
just remember
that                                                            
we all                                                              
fall from that tree              
(of life) eventually
no one knew
about the sobbing,
shaking mess i was
last night
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