she is broken
mentally, not physically
you can see the pain
in her eyes
you can hear the pain
in her voice
you can taste the pain
in her tears
you can feel how broken she is
without touching her
lies made her cautious
broken thoughts made her bitter
love made her fall
loss made her crash

her mind is a black hole
void of positive thoughts
she overthinks every decision
replays memories over and over
until she breaks down
and gasps for air
like there's none left in her bedroom

this happens once a night, every night
this madness, this episode, this panic, this destruction
but when the sun comes up
she looks for the mask
kept under her pillow like quarters for the tooth fairy
she puts on the mask, after she puts on makeup

the mask comes complete with a smile
comes with the happiest ****** expression imaginable
but under the mask is a frown
that would make the saddest clown shed tears
but she doesn't want her family to know
doesn't want her friends to know
how broken she is deep down inside

so she puts on the mask every morning
so no one asks questions
so no one knows

she cries tears
that hit the ground like hale
splitting the earth
like the most monstrous boulders would

tears fall every night
thoughts of him fill her head
while she tries to sleep
but she can't

her heart aches more and more
and as time goes on
the pain doesn't go away
she knows moving on takes time
but time is killing her slowly

Sands near the sea

Fill my mind

Like beaches

While storms tear

Through my happiness

And destroy my smile

Until there is nothing

But sand and seashells

Near waves in my eyes

my soul has been screaming
since you left
and closed a chapter
in the book of my life
which i go back to  
and read from time to time

those pages seem endless
filled with anger, love, jealousy, poison
filled with sadness, naiveté, fights, memories

i read those pages again and again
they feel like home, and feel so close
though you are faraway
and i may never see you again

when the moon goes up
i revisit those pages
to see if they seem any different
than the night before
but they never do
and never will

love ate us both up
and spit us out
with no remorse
with no sympathy at all

the stone in my stomach
is filled with words i never said
whether out of fear, or anger
or other emotions which grasp my sanity

they remained unspoken
whether for my sake or yours

now they sit in silence
comfortably next to my dinner
keeping me heavy
keeping me down

i should have said everything
that was on my mind
while it was still there
and fresh, alive, and well

it is the little wars that destroy our minds
the words we don't say that haunt us

i don't sleep anymore
somewhere along the lines
my thoughts went past the margin
and refused to stop

late at night
i am swallowed whole
by my past, by the unknown
which creep inside my core

i hope this won't last
but it has been some years
since i last slept like a baby
and woke up feeling fresh