Carcass
****** carcass
Was this by my hands alone?
I can feel my gums peeling apart
And the secretion growing ever fiercer
Maybe it’ll happen when I’m in a peaceful slumber
The hairs on my arm won’t even prickle up to warn me
It’ll be as abrupt as
Deaths
Abruption

I’m not trying to be witty anymore
I’ll look into his cold grey eyes
And find nothing but white blankets of snow
Where no soul has ever walked
I won’t be the first
No I’ll just sit and remember
My belief in what was tangible
Sprit breaks apart
At first
Fierce like a Chinese dragon
Only to scamper away
Scared
Like a small bunny rabbit

Don’t take pity
**** me before I find myself comfortable
White picket fences won’t be able to contain my restless body
I’ll find myself leaping through every canyon’s crevice I can find
Or I’ll pass my time against Anytown’s alleyway walls
Bottle after bottle
Empty and obtuse
Resting diagonally against my pretzel stick legs

No I won’t give a ****
I’ll probably never love any human soul
I’m stumbling and spiraling and laughing and cursing
And through my kaleidoscope all I see is my own empty void
Black and eerie and foreboding
Coming to aid my crucifixion


Love
Love
Love
Love

I found it in the sewers


Where rats die and **** and **** flow seamlessly

Cigarette ****, cracked sidewalk, red Jeep, blue eye, green
It’ll all be as wispy as the clouds sultry streaks
That dance in my eyes
I have to look up
I have to

Perfume, ***, too much cologne, dryer sheets
I’ll hunt you with the crazed eye of my nostrils lust
But I won’t chase you down
I’ll stick my hands into my pockets and keep my eyes locked on the stop sign ahead
High heels, click click clicking, you have gum on your shoe
I say to myself
Quietly
I’ll warp my mouth into a makeshift zipper
So nothing
Not even the huff of my breath
Will make my outline crimson and bold

I’ll take out another cigarette
Two or three
To look occupied
And not twisted and contorted like my restless legs
Jutting out like a dam tittering on the edge of destruction
Your skin emanates warmth as painful as the suns elongated rays
Even those lips curling into a smile
I’ll just panic from my toes up
And there’s no telling what my limbs will end up doing
Melt and dismember into geometrical tragedies
I don’t need the quizzical stares
I’ll just make sure I don’t take my eyes off the sidewalks path
I won’t let them gleam with visions
Of empty bottles
And tatters of lives better left stuffed
Between couch cushion blues

Sometimes I’ll feel so stricken with a sense of emptiness
That I’ll keel over
And my stomach will drop, and the sun will sting me in the eye
And I can’t breathe
The earth is a giant vacuum
And I’m trapped and I feel so unwanted
The hot air swarming around my nostrils
And I’ll hold my stomach
And tell myself this is it
This is where you brought yourself
And I’ll stare at the floor and I’ll feel so meek
Like an ant in a magnifying glass
Like their all laughing
With bared teeth, white gleaming eyes, like headlights coming at you
Fast and unforgiving
Then it stops
And I breathe and
breathe and
breathe
And it all stops
A kaleidoscope of fragments of light dancing around my eyes
I can see the tree tops
The leaves swaying lazily back and forth
And the clouds are swollen with cotton candy buoyancy
Gleaming
Beckoning me to climb all the way to the top
And the tops of the buildings, snaggletoothed, covered in filth and bird ****
Lots of bird ****
And I look at my arms
And I remember that I’m so impermanent



I should smile more often.

Yes, we’ll stop talking about it
I promise
There’s no need to talk about all that lost potential
I know, love
Love is harder than
The rocks I fall on and cut my knees with
When I’m not looking
Because there are so many better things to look at with my eyes
Than yours
And your voice
My ears shrivel up
Like a snail garnished with salt
I know, I’m so sorry
So sorry for all that lost time
Broken pocket watch
Repaired with angry hands
I’ll never have time to fix it
I’ll always be a minute or two late
Or three or four
Because who counts when it’s all a pink, burnt haze of mystery
And frustration
And hostility
And fleeting joy
That leaves me fiending for more
Until my head won’t stop pounding
I can see above those mountains again
I can see the whole world once more
And I am frightened
Those mountains unveil my meekness
And instead of feeling humble I curl my lip in disgust
Disgust that
Perpetuates my dissonance
And alienation from that pit of humanity that sits like a heavy stone in my stomach
Weighing on my shoddy lungs
Polluting me with that warm touch that will never flourish
No, I won’t let my eyes seem them any differently
Allow me to cower behind this rocky barricade
I can’t handle the splendor of all those lights
And all those beautiful fields warped into an endless kaleidoscope of green
Emanating kindness and acceptance
Am I doing that again?
Concentrating on those devilish details
I’m sorry, I’ll stop gazing from afar
I’ll move a little closer
And watch it all disintegrate
Into a pool of rejection
With white foam
Turning into trickling madness
My mind, yes
I almost forgot
I’ve misplaced that too
Maybe it’s with the cackling hyenas
Laughing manically at the warm desert sky
Laughing at death, and stupidly brave snakes, and the moons wispy glimmer
They’re so fragile
And ignorant
And brute
Like your perception of my sadness
I know, I don’t cry
My eyes have better things to look at
Than my own blurred pity
The toxic drizzle gets ever fiercer
Bones outside their musty cave
I’ll let them have it
I’ll die and let my parts lie and
Become sodden with dirt
Decaying until their specks of sand
Leaving me with only one question
Where will I scatter among these mounds of gold?
But I’ll have the last laugh
It’ll all drain away
But the cacti will still be there
Staring into the suns hypnotic warmth
Tall and sound
Moving only when the breeze sways them towards the sands silencing caress
They’ll only get to touch it
But they’ll never have it
They’ll never have peace
They’ll never be in pieces

My fridge keeps turning off
My food becomes
Warm
Like the suns ever present glare
Inedible
It’s rotten
******* rotten
Like that money used to buy it
Like my attitude
I’m scared of their shopping carts
They push them like their arms are loose from their sockets
They flail their plastic beasts
In front of my feet
The wheels only graze me
But it’s enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up



I just need to replace my soy milk, man




Their faces are globes in the dark
Shiny and round
Stupid
Hollow
Spinning
There’s always something to set their sites on

Gimme dat

And the cart roars forward
My body is just an obstacle between them and another pair of
Shoes
They’ll shove into their closets
Where a thousand other things exist to fill their souls

Nervous ticks

Husband stays out too late

Nervous ticks

Wedding ring drifts closer to the tip of her finger

Nervous ticks

It isn’t just the salty sweat that pushes it forward

Nervous ticks

A new pair of underwear
Another shirt or two
His eyes might glisten

Like like like

Like they used too

Nervous ticks




I just need some soy milk, man

Stop scowling
They’ll never like you
I can’t help but notice
Their noses all look the same
The tip up in the air
Nostrils fully displayed
Black holes of emptiness
Not a sign of any brain

Give them a chance
They aren’t as bad as they seem
I play with my fingernails
You have a lot to say but I won’t look at you
I don’t want you to study my face
To you
I am a shack full of graffiti and rats
A hole of dirt and despair
A candle that deformed into a waxy mound
Of wear
I don’t need to hear the
Tsk tsk tsking  

You’re too abrasive
You’re better than that
Show them who you truly are
Where’s my dull butter knife?
I’ll cut open my torso and give them all of my organs
Here you go
A sloppy mess of blood and guts
That’s what I truly am
Take a hard look
That’s all we are
Didn’t you know?
I didn’t want to resort to show and tell
I didn’t mean to be so pretentious
But you ****,
and love,
and hate,
and laugh,
and yell into the night like I do
Don’t you?

Well,

Don’t you?

We are on the brink of destruction
but
we have scientific proof
that
science is
to blame

Civilization
is a constant work in progress
and boy,
did we get it
to finally look at itself in the mirror
and stare at the
dark red glaze
on
its
hands


I'm not sorry animal kingdom
you know as well as I
that competition
is a
way
of
life

I guess I'd be a sore loser too
if my bed was the
******
hollow
carcasses
of everyone I've
ever
loved

But you don't really know
what it's like
to
feel
love
and
depression

We got it down to a science

It's always packaged tightly on
any drug store shelf
you set
your eyes
on

I'm not sorry fellow man
you need to
face the error
of your
ways

You write
books about it,
create movies about it,
talk on those news shows about it

But that
fire
and
water
and all those dark clouds in the sky

aren't tuning in.