Angry eyes
twisted in greedy lies
did you intend to lay your body on hers
twist the bedsheets so rapidly
Between her porcelain thighs
did you intend to stick your honey felt tongue
in the sweetness of her quivering against those
sheets that entangle two forbidden bodies
did you intend to drip your ***** into her
As she lay there desperately reaching for her
Colorful, blissful end
did you intend to betray the love that was once spoken
Into your body
That lifted you up and wrapped you around me so tenderly
did you intend to lie there breathless
an arm curled around her as your thoughts submerged
into an ocean of relentless lies you'd speak on your mind
i hope it was worth it in the end
Because our beginning was halted to a standstill when you decided to crawl in a bed that was not mine

it was 5 A.M  
and I couldn't sleep  
Because in the spot you used to be,
Lied silence.
Reaching over the chasm
which your body used to keep
My trailing fingertips  
Danced along the pillows where heads meet

it was 5 A.M  
and I couldn't sleep  
Because in the spot you used to be,  
There, lied me

through the eyes of you
maybe ill see myself anew
maybe Ill see the beauty
you hold in your hand for me
the love you feel through
picked roses on a field
id like to believe in your
eyes that id be a dream come true

July 1st
the day you dumped me
the day I found out
soulmates were meant
for the ones who find not seek
I cried that day in a store
I wanted to fled out the door
your text said it was just time
but it felt like a lie
that you wanted me to believe
because you really didn't love me
you loved what the idea of me was
and when you saw the real me
you froze and left because
your mother did like me
I hated you for so long
I hated what you did to me
but I got over it in 7 months
and realized I couldn't never
love someone as ugly as you

I wish how we could have rewritten the stars to
makes two entities last forever until the sun came
up from resting and kissed the moon with white light
beaming in with yellow as the sky opened up
with colors that were hues of blue and pink
oh how we could've been the sky in all of her
untrained beauty
lets rewrite the stars in the sky
tracing them numbly as we position an outcome anew
I just want to be with you
but the sky has another way to say
it's just too soon for you two
I cant place the stars in a new constellation
but maybe if I wait awhile they'll line in
place and ill find you

don’t drift apart from me
rip me in shreds as you leave
grasping my neck as you yell
at a sky thats already turned to dusk
don’t leave me in the back of your mind
where memories tend to sink
to never regain to the surface as you
swallow them back like a pill with water
don’t let these moments go away from us
they keep us attached like a rope on my neck
thats when to snap when i jump off the ledge
Don’t let me go when you feel like you've had enough
i’m not ready to separate from a being like you
who’s caused me pain and love and happiness
don’t let these tender thoughts that define
both me and you drown in the sea you've composed
with a memory ready to fleet into the dark sea
and as always away from these tender thoughts
that guide you away from me

a broken friendship  
cannot blossom from pain  
it is the very existence of what was toxic  
to my body that lasted with theirs  
friendship is so sacred that when it  
falls apart like a string undone I can't  
wrap my mind on what went wrong  
she was everything I had aspired to be  
she was perfect in every essence
she was half of me  
but she was toxic to my health  
and made me mistreat myself  
in losing who I was in order to  
replace the half she was missing  
of herself she needed me to fill
a void in her heart that wasn't  
able to be plastered shut by only her  
she needed me more than she wanted me  
and I couldn't stand being her one time need
so, I ended a friendship that was important to me  
and found myself fixing the things she had done  
to my body, mind and soul

Time is precious
yet so complex
when it standstills for
the likes of me
I took advantage of my time
with you
and time started to pass us by
until it ran out and the clock
stopped ticking by
I'm sorry for wasting your time
you didn't waste mine

I wonder what you look like naked
when all your colors are shaded off you
when your curiosity peaks on who the real you leaks
out into the floor for everyone’s looks to behold
the curve of your body outlined in shyness
as we all stare intrigued
your silhouette dancing on edge barley making
an escape out of the body she's entrapped in
your skittered face that blushes apple red
bowing down your head to a world that overlooks you
I wonder what you look like naked when all your trust
is brushed on a canvas that each stroke brings you
another misfortune
you're so beautiful yet so terribly broken
just a silhouette in the wrong person
you're beautiful naked

my depression envelops me
suffocating me out of
my very own feelings
I'm trapped in a constant
state of self hate
I've lost control of what I want
or even what I feel
it centers me to the sheets of my bed
to where I can't even sleep
but always overthink
it pushes my loved ones away
only making room for it to stay
my depression gravitates me
to feeling like everyones against me
I cant breathe sleep or eat
I feel so alone but in my mind
theres only company for
my depression and I
if my hearts broken its never just left at that
my whole existence will replay that
moment like a video tape
always stuck on repeat
my depression sinks me into the
pills I swallow in order to properly think
it captivates me into a different reality
far too gone from the one I'm in
it's staying in my room while
the sun comes up and peaks
through my blinds but in my
mind I'm still stuck in a world
thats filled with night time
my depression causes lack of sleep
to where no medicine can revive me
my depression is a friend to my
mind but an enemy to my giving in body
without it what could I possibly be

I dated a boy whose name started with D  
he was everything I could possibly want him to be  
he was what I called home on cold winter nights
he was the cradled arms when I could not fall asleep  
he was the most handsome person on earth  
his smile could melt worries away  
his laugh could be heard in the echo of a mountain  
his eyes could make a night sky hide in shame  
oh god he was everything to someone like me  
but you see when you date someone who  
doesn't end well in the lasting days  
you start to hate the letter D and even the name  
because love has a funny way to suddenly turn to hate  
and my hatred for him turned into acceptance that  
memories could now only stay stained if I wanted them too
dating someone who's name starts with a D  
will surely not end well for me  
I don't miss you  
but deep down I do

I put glow in the dark stars  
on my bare wall that  
was guarded by skin drowned  
in your eyes that contained  
Galaxies of a night sky  
They guided me to the  
astrology of my stars  
Pointed me into a compass  
of north to where you are  
They glowed me into a world  
that only opened up to me  
when I came to visit you
the stars helped me  
Find my way in a brilliant  
sky filled with jewels that  
waved a path for me to  
find someone that was  
Exactly like you my dear
the glow in the dark stars  
pressed against my thumb  
are a reflection of a love  
Only two can feel  
between the stars

I miss the paper cuts
you left on my heart
they cut deep
and left wounds
but my god
I'd always want them from you

I'll bask in the sunlight
like a flower ill spread
my petals into an open
lights that feels like you

old pictures of
me and you
surface to my memory
of times where our hands
locked together
our eyes intertwined with each other
our scrunched up noses tickling
like a feather
but those pictures are of a past
that cannot be reached no matter
how hard I try to believe that
you would ever come back to me
these pictures are all I have left of
you with me and it's hard to
throw them out when all
I can do is reminisce about
a past that I cannot touch

skin laced with blooming
petals intertwined with ivory
look at her she's the beauty
I breathe in when she's not looking
I've never seen a statue look so
life like with marble eyes
that travel to mine
she's intertwined with the
ever-growing rose that blooms
from her pale beauty of a body
I wish she was real so I could
touch her but right now
she's so far away from my reach
grasping at air that isn't there
I love her for she is the
most beautiful statue I've ever
seen in this place we call a museum

For younger me
I’d tell you to not stop counting the stars
because your dreams are not just silly daydreams
i’d tell you not to trace constellations with your
Fingertips delicately as you resemble your life anew
i’d tell you that not reaching for the sky is something
you should never do
i’d tell you that mistakes happen
that life has a way to play games that you may not want
to partake in but remember your life has value
I'd tell you to be strong and loving to yourself
and always remember that your body is a forsaken place
for only you to pray too
i’d tell you that boys don't matter and *** is not taboo
but maybe so young it just isn't the right time for you
i’d tell you that you're going to fall a lot
but taking the leaps to that fall is the greatest achievement of all
You'll constantly fail but failure leads to determination to follow
the dreams you've put behind you
oh my young self live freely
because one day you'll be trapped in a cage filled with self hate
if you do not love yourself so young like you should do
my young self love and prosper on
live your dreams beyond you
Remember that life is short and once you turn twenty
life starts over and soon ill find myself to a young you

I changed my phone number
in case you'd call and I'd pick up
I didn't want the constant worry
of maybe you calling it put
my heart to a state of panic
a state of what if's
that if you'd call it'd all be fixed
I changed my number in case
you were regretting your decision
and decided you were finally wrong
I didn't want to hear the sorry felt
I love you dangling on the cord
I didn't want to hear the tears that would
fall on the phone and make your voice
quiver with a sadness I could not take
I changed my number for the fear
that if you didn't ever call it'd somehow
break what was left of me
that if you didn't call
I would never know
because my phone number was changed

your mother with her curly red hair
hated the brunette you brought in
she couldn't stand the presence of me
in the house she called home and
you as her precious son was a place she
always called home from within her soul
she noted me worthless and i couldn't object
because all of everything i was didn't matter to her
i was the **** of the earth for her blonde boy son
who didn't dare lick his tongue with a grain of salt
to talk back and defend my name against all the
Inhumane ways she described me to countless friends
your mother with her beautiful house that she called home
i was a stranger too looking in for a way to get in
because you too where her home and you did not have a
key for me to press against you to let me in
i was locked out of my own relationship doomed from the
Beginning when i was told i was not welcomed in
your mom told me I was never allowed back
that i had to stay and mind my own and you
you could not see me for even a little
and you didn't even fight back
but how could you when you were her son
who didn't compare to being rebellious with your
Perfect personality that could not be tarnished by
the very likes of me
no i was not allowed in your mothers beautiful home
i was not allowed to argue or protest and you
stood idly by as i watched you from the outside
Leaning on your very own mothers chest
waiting for you to say id be allowed into your heart
but on your mothers protest i stayed outside
Lurking in a body that was deemed unworthy
by a red headed women that said home is not
where her sons heart is

I really hope you know
that I hate you
and it's not the type of hate
that boils my blood with your name
it's the hate of all the what if's that
continue in my brain
because what if I never said what I did
what if I never asked you all those things
what if I never threw my hands up in surrender
what if I actually fought back and gave a ****
those what if's cloud my mind
pull the strings of my heart to take me back to a
time where I could have loved you more than
I showed you that I did
to a time where my heart found yours and collided
with the other half that was me
I wish I couldn't hate you
the past mistake that fills you
but for now I'll hate what could have been
and stick with my what if's

are the stars shining just for me
or are they shining from what used to be

I'd been used before
by guys who would
tell me nothing but sweet lies
just to see my *******
hit the floor as they guided me
to a bed that I'd only see once
these guys would slither my body
in the being of their ***
wring me up to dry as soon as they were done
toss me up and part their way to a new
girl that would hold their ***
I was use to it
because guys only like to tell stories
with their bodies intertwined with mine
and once the story ends there's no sequel
we've ended our story right then and there
as soon as the clothes are back on I'm
looked upon like wasted air
these guys only want me for the use
of one time ***
and it bothers me deep down
but what good is a girl thats been used up

my ****** is expected
to have your lips curved
around its bald lips
to be clean and proper
in order for you to properly
love my ******
if it's ugly and stubbly
I have to shave that ugliness
away until flowers bloom
from the stubble and flourish
into petals that you can kiss
my ****** is not your place
of solitude that you can pray too
it is only for me to love even
through all of the ugliness

if you look at a petal
closely you'll see the creases
just like the ones you've left in me

20 coats of mascara
wing eyeliner
rosy red cheeks
not a crack in my porcelain skin
that make up covers my beauty in
foundation reeks on my skin
you can smell the chemicals seeping in
don't forget to do your eyebrows
they're your focal point
red lipstick that don't stain the teeth
concealer to hide the bags underneath
am I missing anything else for this
beautiful mask
I almost forget to hide whats really
underneath it all
some setting powder to seal it all
there you have it a face that perfectly
hides the real me away

you are my art
but not a sculpture made of marble
you are those paintings that people
pass by not so much in a hurry
but rather to stop and stare
to take insight
of the masterpiece that holds their stare
you are the art that takes breaths away
that demands a paintbrush to draw across
you are the art that even a landscape cannot
peak its flowers through to see the sights of you
you are the art that sings through its paintings
that makes critics cry at such a heart warming sight
when I see you theres only one way to describe you
through art itself cannot contain you
you are the masterpiece that draws me in
the masterpiece that compels an audience to
watch and touch the edges of you
my art is created by your nature of beauty
my art will forever be in your forgiving
hands of an artist who draws you

why did you cheat on me
it ran through my mind
that I never got the closure
I needed to unwind this
haunting question on my mind
was it me or was it you
did I do something to deserve this
could I have prevented this
was this punishment for something I did
I couldn't wrap my brain around it
and like a snake it suffocated me
until I eventually blacked out all feelings
do you realize sleep was now not a luxury to me
because to sleep meant I had to dream
of the memory of you with her
I mean not me
to be awake meant to think
meant to play it on repeat until
it started to devour me
why would you cheat
when it meant breaking me
do you realize I'm broken
with or without you
I wish I never meet you

I watched the stars form
cross your freckled face
and make constellations