I know it was ages ago.

It was awkward ,
we were clueless.

Didn't know what to do.

You thought we were over...
and i did too.

But little did you know,
After all those years
the horrid truth is...
im still thinking of you.

Yup,i swear i do.
when i walk by that tree where we first held hands...
Or at Disneyland where we shared our first kiss.
...IM STUCK IN THE PAST...

Then i come back to reality,
Every happy memory is burnt away by the scene of our fallout.
the yelling,the tears,the throwing of brushes and bottles.

Our history haunts me.
&
I just can't get away.

I really just want to cry,
Just let it all out.

I don't know why
I feel this filled with doubt.

I'm kind of done
And I no longer see the fun
In prolonging this pain.

There's nothing I could do..
I just can't keep sane.

And

As I look around,
I see smiles,
Hear laughs
which makes me wonder...
How these people can live without breaking a sweat.

It's pretty inspiring they can stay
This strong ...
I used to be strong,
But then I grew weak
And ended up doing the wrong
That shan't be speaked.

Since then I have started to pray
Every single day for his help
To get me through this horrid phase.

But...I guess I don't pray hard enough
Or
Have a big enough faith.

So...
The reality,I assume,is
I'm forever lost in this place.

Im mentally done.
Im sick of this crap.
Nothing i do will ever be perfect.
so just get over it!

I cry as i think about the way things used to be…
When you were always there for me.
When you had my back.
when you cared.
Now…there's nothing…
Just Emptyness.
Numb as numb could be.
Im alone with this blade.
Oh no here we go…
you're not here to stop me…
You're not here at all.
when monday comes…you are going to be the only one staring at my scars.
Because you are the only one who knows where they are…
For you were the one who was suppose to be here.
But you weren't so now these scars are there.

Im falling for him.
but the thing is...he likes someone else.
And i understand…
She is pretty,skinny and not me.
She isn't weird…
She is perfectly perfect,
She is fake.
But he doesn't see that,
He can't see past her looks.
just like he can't see past my books.
They always choose the Barbie over the Geek…
I guess that's just reality.

It kind of *****.
Sitting here…alone.
I feel like
wasted space.
Why am i even here?

Im just invading your air.
infecting it.
Im sorry.

But why did you invite me here?
Just to be nice i suppose.
The thing is you don't have to be nice to me.
im a ghost.