Hunted down like a feral fox,
My heart is beating fast,
As the dogs move in on my trail,
I pray this day isn’t my last.

I feel the steel chains bite like teeth,
Into my skin they tear,
See my blood trickle like raindrops,
My eyes fog over in a stare.

My skull is smashed like a snow globe,
Lungs punctured by the knife,
Days of living flash before me,
Oh this ******: this **** of life.

Memories etched through the veins of my soul,
I picture your face, our dreams and goals,
You were my angel when here on earth,
But now you are gone i appreciate your worth,
Up in heaven a true angel has been made,
But deep into a pillow my sorrows have played,
I lived my daily life from hour to hour,
But i lay at your grave a dull scented flower,
A rose with such beauty that compares to your own,
Thanks for the memories, my angel that's flown.

You made me come inside you,
And baby it was made,
Then to heaven you went,
And took my baby to the grave,
I miss you both though only one I knew,
I cry inside but my love for you remains true.

(Song title from Nina Simone’s catalogue,
by Donaldson and Kahn)

The man works hard all day,
Works until his work is done,
Hurries home into the arms of his wife,
The love of his life,
They laugh and they smile,
Rest together for a while,
And she exclaims contentedly,
“My baby just cares for me”.

My life is a book that you may want to read,
You'll see my soul,
You'll see my heart,
You'll see the love that integrity breeds.

My life is a painting you may want to touch,
You'll feel my root,
You'll feel my core,
You'll feel the sin that disguises far too much.

My life is a song that you may want to hear,
You'll hear my pain,
You'll hear my love,
You'll hear the trembling of my skin as it shakes in fear.

Systematic and controlled,
Played my hand and the dice - they rolled,
The hurt and anger of the draw,
Left me as cold and empty as before,
So i believed in the 'live and learn',
But my soul was hunted down and burnt.

I dropped my eyes to conceal the fate,
Every turn i take, i take too late,
To see the clock ticking away,
I never thought i'd see the day,
The skyline changed to green and pink,
I realised i was the missing link.

Hell became heaven and heaven became hell,
I stood hoping to fall into the wishing well,
I needed to drown beneath the stars,
Or feel the weight of one thousand cars,
To die and give myself to darkness,
To free myself from all of this mess.

The devastation of my reflection,
Led me to my own rejection,
My eyes were forced to close themselves tight,
As i whisper sadness to my ears at night,
The love that once to me you gave,
Drifted to sea on a violent wave.

But i know that my loss will be your gain,
So let my kisses shower you like rain.

My heart is my prison,
I follow its course,
I let it lead,
I let it bring me to a ******,
I let it teach me how to bleed,
My heart is my prison,
My prison holds me still.

Cross the river, jump the stream,
Lean over and walk beyond the leaf,
As the vines capture your heart,
They strangle the emotion away,
Pained and tortured by life.

See just how the sky falls down,
As the moon ships out of town,
While the frog makes its own crown,
I'm slowly dying,
I'm slowly dying,
My soul is crying,
My soul is crying,
Nature kills,
Nature kills.

I sat on my piano stool,
Strumming my guitar,
I've composed hundreds of songs,
But none that took me far.

Notes just beyond my reach,
Still poured from my heart,
Upon the manuscript paper,
My words tearing me apart.

When i sing myself to sleep,
After draining my coffee cup,
I dream of sinking down to hell,
And never looking up.

Adapt,
Change,
Move on,
Refresh and start over,
Remain,
Stay,
Cling on,
Hold on to something blue.

Every day since leaving drugs behind,
Is like a new extreme,
One day you feel like heaven is real,
The abyss swallows you whole the next,
The sadness jumps on me,
And I do another line,
And as the powder fills my brain,
I’m stepping back in time.

Make a fresh start,
Turn over that leaf that has kept you bound,
Remove yourself from the clutches of the past,
Make a resolution to last,
This year make a change,
Make a change before you are changed for eternity.

With ever passing year,
I aim to reach the stars,
To be like many of my thoughts,
Shooting around planet Mars.

This year i want to be,
Not only try and fail,
I want to find the key to life,
As I'm on the New Year trail.

He turned ninety-two,
And danced the night away,
Inside his mind,
What does he find?
Memories of kind,
From his first ever yearly celebration,
To his eighteenth filled with motivation,
Now he�s ninety-two,
Comfortable in his skin,
Another party over,
Next year a new one can begin.

An actor like me deserves an award,
For the scars and the hurt i never expose,
But the mystery of passion hits a chord,
And strikes the danger of the tenderest nerve,
No less than i deserve.

Remember, Remember,
The truth of November,
The swirling winds,
The nights of blanket covered dreams,
A loved one in your arms,
Approaching the close of another year,
Unsure of which course to steer.

Hearing the distant crackle,
The distant whistle,
The far off bang,
A firework display,
November is a tangled month,
Happiness and emptiness,
Unsettling feelings everyday.

Ghosts, ghouls and gory creatures,
People plagued with disturbing features,
Prowling around; obscene,
It's the time for Halloween,
The air is eerie and bitter,
The voices of the night titter,
The echoes of warmer times disappear,
Leaving us filled with the need for loved ones to be near,
A jumper, a hat and a scarf,
A warming drink and heated bath,
A night indoors to keep you calm,
October is the month of dread and harm.

In my room alone,
I lay naked on my bed,
Magazines and videos - laid out nicely,
Not Andrex but Kleenex there instead,
I flick through the pages,
Holding on so tight,
While on the screen there's stuff obscene,
Ejoying this pleasing sight,
Up and down i gently rub,
'Til my head rolls back in bliss,
Faster, faster then i'll stroke,
Thinking of that kiss.

Wishing i were the one up there,
Getting ****** off by a pro,
Instead of spread eagle on my back,
I'd rather be getting a blow,
To have my **** ****** off by her,
The one with shaven lips,
To pull her close and enjoy the roast,
Driving at her hips,
Oh but alone i am with **** in hand,
Wanking myself to sleep,
But i know when i close my eyes,
The visions of you i'll keep.

So for now, content am i,
Playing with my ****,
Shooting out my *** in streams,
And tasting it til i'm sick,
I wish that you were back here with me,
To give me such a treat,
Then on my kness, for you i'd go,
And surely find something to eat,
But i'm stuck with magazines and videos,
Of ladies eating out,
So that's my tale for all to see,
What wanking's all about.

Like a fruit that has ripened,
We slowly fade and pass,
To another time and space,
Become the dirt and grass.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Armand & S. Brown)

One day in your life you’ll understand,
You’ll know why I railed, rowed and raged,
You’ll see that my temper got out of hand.

One day in your life you’ll take me back,
You’ll open the door that was slammed,
You’ll begin to miss the love that you lack.

(Song title from “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” by Lloyd Webber and Rice)

When you died I couldn’t cope,
The pain was clearly there,
I was empty as a barrel,
Feeling the cold of your armchair.

The warmth that you brought,
Vanished and faded away,
In the flicker of an eyelid,
Made me wish for another day.

Now you’re high above the clouds,
One more angel in heaven on high,
And I know you’ll watch over me,
In every second that passes me by.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by R. Kelly)

My heart is still recovering,
I’m still gathering the fragments,
And gluing them with passing time,
So to give you one more chance,
Would be a certain suicide,
I couldn’t recover twice,
My life is too high a-price.

One of those moments,
The world seems brand new,
The glistening night sky dances 'til morn,
Feeling reborn,
Cloaked in darkness,
A net of darkness,
A safety net into which i fall.

Diving out of fear,
Leave pain in the past,
The far off cry of a dove does beckon,
Sense it beckon,
Encircles me,
It's surrounding me,
Protecting me from my cracking shell.

I smile when I think of the times we shared,
All the joy and laughter,
My memories – my safe place,
But yet I cry at the sight of your face,
But in reality it’s all I have,
Only a photo.

An orchid stood tall in the window,
Looking out at the yard,
Where the dragon chases the pearl,
Aflame and brightly burning,
Make the orients' subtlety seem hard.

Ladies pass the house,
Pause to observe,
The smile on the orchids petal,
Waiting, like they, to serve,
Hoping not to lose its sunlight,
Not to break its nerve.

Bow down before the ancient scriptures,
The stories that they told,
Of magic wands and spinning wheels,
And of the sacred flower,
The orchid of the orient; unfold.

On the edge of life,
Not playing with fire,
No games with a knife,
Just needles and liars.

Into the vein of truth,
A path of clarity and hurt,
Perched on the ledge of a roof,
Where all is brightness and dirt.

The spinning carousel of time,
Where everything is confused,
Without reason or rhyme,
But my heart’s alive; enthused.

Crashed beneath hellish ground,
The heat melts my senses,
The fear deadens the sound,
As I’m swallowed through the defences.

If i open the secret door,
That leads,
Guides the way to my heart,
I hope you'l find comfort,
Find an open soul,
A vacant hole waiting to be filled,
With all i can give, though not a lot,
I'll give myself over to you.

Too many blank pages,
I'm eager to write,
But the words are a struggle,
In the broad daylight.

As i stare at the page,
Visions make me write,
Then the words flow like fountains,
In the day and night.

Paint me a picture of the inside of my soul,
Using only gray and black,
Ceaseless darkness and dreary coals.

Paint me a picture of a soldier in the rain,
Cover him in gentle tones,
To hide the man that dwells in pain.

Paint me a picture of a castle standing proud,
Its ruined structure still bold,
More dignity than I'm allowed.

I feel my eyes close and open,
Against my will they move,
As if a string controlled my senses,
Like a puppet that’s been removed.

…passing…
…passing…
…passing…

I feel my mouth dry and harden,
But fluid won’t remain,
I’m like a barren sandy desert,
Like a river that’s been contained.

…passing…
…passing…
…passing…

I know we won't replace,
The vacant hole you once embraced,
Our hearts were full and solid gold,
Now there’s sadness and bitter cold,
You gave us love, you gave us time,
Beside us through every fall and climb,
Words can never explain the tears,
We cry now for the wasted years…

…years…

…years…

The many times we had laughed,
The emptiness can’t hope to halve,
And yet I can’t help but reflect upon,
The days and weeks and times; long gone,
But in my memory, that secret place,
Is the joy and magic I can trace,
Those times that only I can share,
With you, myself – a connection so rare…

…rare…

…rare…

Though now your soul is far away,
We’ll have thoughts of you each passing day,
Of superman at Christmas and Guinness for a saint,
The scolding of Tim Henman, that passionate complaint,
The stories of Las Vegas, and of the times we shared in France,
Will light up all our broken hearts and the mind can have its dance,
You were a special lady, we don’t want to release,
But I know that you are with us and your body is at peace…

…peace…

…peace…

(This poem was written in memory of my Nan, An Cronin.  R.I.P.)

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Thom Bell and Linda Creed)

I have felt lonely and scared,
And done things they wouldn’t dare,
I have felt upset and blue,
And been so happy, it’s true,
And all because I have found,
People make the world go ‘round.

Forced to wear a sign,
To declare their private lives,
To make themselves subhuman,
And unwittingly let evil thrive,
And now we say we wear it well,
As a symbol of passion and pride,
Very few remember the struggles,
Or give thanks to those who died.

Please don't leave me.

I am crying,
Tears fall from my eyes,
Cause i am picturing that I'll never,
Never again be at your side,
This thought is crushing,
It cripples me,
Busts my heart open wide,
Shards on the floor that sparkle,
Sparkle in blood and tears,
Horrified by my overwhelming fear.

Please don't leave me.

Please don't leave me.

I am crying,
Tears fall from my eyes,
Cause i am picturing that I'll never,
Never again be at your side,
This thought is crushing,
It cripples me,
Busts my heart open wide,
Shards on the floor that sparkle,
Sparkle in blood and tears,
Horrified by my overwhelming fear.

Please don't leave me.

(Song title from B.B. King’s catalogue, by King and Taub)

We argued,
I left and ran for cover,
Hours
Days passed,
Weeks,
Months passed,
Years,
I had vanished I thought,
You found my hideout,
You sent a note,
This is what you wrote,
“I love you, my angel, I love you,
Please hurry home”.

She was the chick with the ****,
The landlady of The Star,
She told me i was special,
That i might travel far,
She didn't know that guy was after me,
The blonde with the smile,
The stud behind the bar.

He took me upstairs,
He kissed me slow,
We made out,
And then i had to go,
He followed me home,
We played until the morn,
I couldn't help giving in,
To the pleasure of his form.

A photograph of her,
And a lonely sesame seed,
A pocket watch – engraved,
The inscription reads,
“My darling, with this treasure,
You’ll feel the time tick slowly by,
By with this pocket-watch of gold,
You know I’m listening to your sighs”.

Each day a sun arises,
And with the closing of the day the moon appears,
A cycle that's unchangeable,
And happens from year to year,
But within each ordinary day a miracle occurs,
Like a shooting star or a raindrop falling on the icy lake,
Or a baby being born.

John James enters the world to explore the brand new sights,
From the comfort of his mothers womb to a world of calm,
Of love and peace,
His life, I hope, will be one filled with joy and cheer,
And the necessary feeling of knowing his family is near,
And as the wind changes and the seasons come and go,
I know that John James changeth, you'll see just how he grows.

You'll watch upon in wonder as he utters his first word,
Like the blind man who rejoiced at the sight of the mockingbird,
You'll watch upon in awe as, slowly, step by step he takes,
And the pleasure you will feel each morning that he wakes,
In a time where life can be so cruel and rushed,
Nothing silences the passion, this flame just can't be hushed.

Each day a sun arises,
And with the closing of the day the moon appears,
A cycle that's unchangeable,
And happens from year to year,
But within each ordinary day a baby can be born,
And like the river finds it way, John James has found your heart,
For, in that heart, like a locket on a pendant, he will forevermore stay.

Each day a sun arises,
And with the closing of the day the moon appears,
A cycle that's unchangeable,
And happens from year to year,
But within each ordinary day a miracle occurs,
Like a shooting star or a raindrop falling on the icy lake,
Or a baby being born.

Spencer enters the world to explore the brand new sights,
From the comfort of his mothers womb to a world of calm,
Of love and peace,
His life, I hope, will be one filled with joy and cheer,
And the necessary feeling of knowing his family is near,
And as the wind changes and the seasons come and go,
I know that Spencer changeth, You'll see just how he grows.

You'll watch upon in wonder as he utters his first word,
Like the blind man who rejoiced at the sight of the mockingbird,
You'll watch upon in awe as, slowly, step by step he takes,
And the pleasure you will feel each morning that he wakes,
In a time where life can be so cruel and rushed,
Nothing silences the passion, this flame just can't be hushed.

Each day a sun arises,
And with the closing of the day the moon appears,
A cycle that's unchangeable,
And happens from year to year,
But within each ordinary day a baby can be born,
And like the river finds it way, dear Spencer will find your heart,
And locked like a locket on a pendant he will forevermore stay.

I will be the barricade,
I'll be the fence when they attack,
My blood will flow; red and slow,
Tears won't be shed by me,
I'll stand tall with dignity,
Even when down on my knees,
My spirit will fly,
When others say i'm wrong,
Still i'm prepared to die!

The above poem is based on a speech delivered from the dock by Nelson Mandela at the Rivonia Treason Trial, 20 April 1964. Below is a small section of that inspirational speech,
'I have fought against white *******, and i have fought against black *******. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which i hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which i am prepared to die.'

Shiny paper and masses of ribbons,
Perfectly wrapped and lovingly given,
A sign of how much we love each other,
Mother and Father and Sister and Brother,
A gesture of kindness and of festive cheer,
A special occasion that comes but once a year.

He’s pretty,
As we lay next to each other,
He’s pretty,
As we make love all through the night,
He’s pretty.
As we kiss in the morning shine,
He’s pretty.

(Song title from “Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street” by Stephen Sondheim & Hugh Wheeler)

Everywhere I look I see pretty women,
Rushing and dashing in the rain,
Like a fish that’s lost and swimming,
I hope to meet one of these women again.

The pretty women never catch my eye,
They always pass me by,
The pretty women never catch my eye,
Although I make attempts and try,
The pretty women never catch my eye.

Everywhere I look I see pretty women,
Rushing and dashing in the sun,
Like a cloud in the wind; dreaming,
Just like yesterday, still I am left with none.

This prison of mine has grown,
It started as fear,
Building blocks of agony and pain,
Slowly bricking me in,
One layer of cement a day,
A new barricade each and every year.

This prison of mine is cold,
Winter settled in,
Summer sun never travels inside,
Sharp and spirited ice,
Fencing off the feelings I loathe,
All the emotions that destroy and sin.

Red fire in my heart,
As I race to an orange paradise,
In which I can lay on yellow sands,
Never to be filled with green envy,
Blue and mournful I can never become,
Onwards we can dream to an indigo, subtle life,
With violet flowers leaning towards your veil.

Losing myself in your warmth,
Overbearing but utterly wonderful,
Vibrant and colourful is our passion,
Endless, ageless as a formation of raindrop colours.

Underneath the rainbow of time,
I will find my passion on the wind,
Through the window,
I see your face in the mist, on the glass,
As i reach to touch you,
You've moved on,
You've gone.

My head is twirling in its rampageous state,
Trampling all the thoughts I want to hold to,
Making the burn of lonely feeling rise,
Forcing the droplets to seep from my brown eyes,
That salty sting remains on the lash,
As a reminder of the truth,
There’s no escape,
From the hunting and haunting, like a ****,
Crushing the grape, the seed so pure,
And making the rampage run forever,
Like the gravy rolling on a plate.