So final,
So harsh,
A full stop to life,
So harsh,
So final.

A coffin,
Wood, nails,
A full stop to life,
Wood, nails,
A coffin.

So final,
So harsh,
A full stop to life,
So harsh,
So final.

Printers’ ink upon a page,
A story written to bring me down,
A whisper round the gallery of noise,
Of the devastation,
The ruin of girls and boys.

Against the press I write,
To stand like a tyrant,
With a cooler mind and heart,
A calm descends and apologisers appear,
I smile with satisfaction.

Climbed and climbed,
Strived and strived,
Struggled to become who I am,
Struggled to decide what I wanted,
Struggled to be myself,
Found sickness and wealth,
Lost the wealth and found deteriorated health,
I starved myself,
I hated myself,
Put myself through strife,
And found the zenith of life.

When the dark clouds,
Come one by one,
And form an oppressive shroud,
Remember that the wind will send them far away,
And brighten the skies of a tortured day.

When it rains down,
Crying like tears,
And you feel that you might drown,
Remember that the sun will dry the water, gone,
And reflect the magic in your eyes, shone.

Look at the good,
Hiding away,
It’s there wherever you’re stood,
Remember that when times are hard as concrete, cold,
There’ll always be a heart and arms here, hold.

Soft blanket hiding the ground,
Covering the cars and vans,
Disguising mans wrongs,
Hideous and heinous.

Gentle flakes are falling down,
Heaven sent droplets of snow,
A blackbird exposed,
Camouflage gone; open.

Coloured petals white as doves,
Calm surrender to nature,
A stillness of life,
Pray golden silence; hush.

The season for her message,
Don't disturb serenity,
All may just exist,
Life's' cycle; brief moments.

The photos of Iraq,
See soldiers smugly smiling,
Must be on crack.

The torture of the jailed,
Humiliated more than punished,
In glee how "the brave" wailed.

Soldiers for freedom and justice,
Think again and think,
Realise - illegality,
The pain, the torture.

The Arab world is our world too,
Don't be fooled or tricked,
Bush and Blair,
Utter *******,
Save the souls before the souls are turned,
Turned against our own.

"The camera never lies,
But liars may photograph."

The truth will out,
We will rock their world,
We will ruin their world,
We will break our world.

Rainbow spider web,
Silken twinkle on the view,
Natures perfect sight.

Oh to be in Berlin or Paris,
To be in a place of beauty,
To seek out my muse,
In more colourful hues,
To have the freedom to write my blues.

Oh to be in London or Madrid,
To be in a place of faces,
To study the mood,
To lay myself out ****,
To have the chance to change attitudes.

Oh to be in Florence or Moscow,
To be in a place of choices,
To find clarity,
Discover sanity,
Be surrounded by humanity.

I remember my first,
One candle astride a cake,
Family panting and puffing,
Until the flame went clear,
Clapping and applauding,
My first birthday year.

I remember my second,
Two candles proud like the twin towers,
I was breathing and blowing,
Until the towers collapsed in tears,
Laughing and screaming,
My second birthday year.

I remember my ninth,
Nine candles arranged like a ballet,
Dancing flames quickly clamped down,
Until the flames were no more,
Eating and chatting,
My ninth birthday year.

I remember my twenty-first,
Two candles, each with a number, over-sized on the cake,
Burning brightly as I come of age,
Snuffed out like childhood,
Conversing and lying,
My twenty-first birthday year.

I won't remember my last,
No candles astride a cake,
No family to blow them out,
Or to buy them for me,
Isolated and frightened,
My last birthday year.

Caught between the two worlds,
The land of sunshine and the soil of darkness,
I'm stranded in a vicious circle,
Scared and alone,
I collapse as i pick up the phone,
Too tired to push the buttons,
I'm sinking,
Being swallowed by the truth,
I want to leap from this roof,
The top of my despair,
Is knowing you are not there,
To care,
To share,
It's not fair,
My eyes drained of feeling,
My eyes drained of life,
They stare,
They glare,
They're bare.

I took a ride on the gospel train,
I saw Jesus with a gun,
He stood smiling as he shot me dead,
Underneath the evening sun.

I took a ride on the gospel train,
I saw Mary drowning God,
She stood smiling as he breathed his last,
On a cross, nails through his rod.

I took a ride on the gospel train,
I saw Judas saying prayers,
He stood crying as he asked his words,
But he knew no one was there.

I took a ride on the gospel train,
I saw myself from behind,
I stood laughing as i bent on down,
To let Jesus seek and find.

Forced to wear a sign,
To declare their private lives,
To make themselves subhuman,
And unwittingly let evil thrive,
And now we say we wear it well,
As a symbol of passion and pride,
Very few remember the struggles,
Or give thanks to those who died.

Out of my way,
I'm coming through,
Don't get to close,
I've got killer teeth for you,
I'll slice the water,
I'll smash your skull,
And eat you up,
I'll eat you whole.

(Song title from Cassandra Wilson’s catalogue,
by Cassandra Wilson)

Leave me,
Chill me,
Break free of me,
That would be injustice,
Lock me,
Chain me,
Bind me to you,
That would be justice.

You’ll find me, the African Buffalo, in swamps,
Floodplains, grasslands and forests of the mountains,
I eat the tall grasses and move on when they’re depleted,
Unpredictable as the water from a tumbling fountain,
I spar with other males to prove myself in charge,
My horns are down and the herd looks on in fascination,
As I show that I’m the strongest one around,
But rally the rest to protect my calf from devastation,
We graze and mob, mob and graze,
Mate and birth during rainy days,
I’m strong and proud, proud and strong,
In African sunshine life carries on.

No balloons,
No streamers or birthday cards,
A year has passed me by,
Alone and cold until i die,
My birthday is another day,
Just another day alone,
In the darkened room,
Watching the moon,
Was isolated too soon,
Alone with a candle,
My birthday gloom.

My face was disfigured when i joined the circus,
A purposeful disguise,
To cover the sadness in my eyes,
The hurt in my voice is silenced behind a mime of joy,
Freaks of the circus never matter,
Hidden beneath grotesque chatter,
I cry inside when i hear their jeers,
The joke of all my peers,
The skill of failing when flying high,
Is the skill of dying when the chances pass you by,
Driven into a shell that from the ocean sprang,
This circus freak will dwell,
Oh the tales i could tell,
If i hadn't given in,
If only i never fell.

I stood staring at that giant tree,
Stretching for miles above me,
My eyes wandered high,
Not a decoration passed me by,
But my eyes were drawn to the star on top,
Against the sky where my focus stopped,
I stared at the star and thought of the wise men,
And of their journey to the manger again,
The meaning of Christmas in one little symbol,
The Christmas Tree: so grand yet so simple.

Five grams later and a truck load of beer,
Still my heart is aching,
Still you're not here.

Five grams later and a truck load of wine,
Your distance is present,
Such changing times.

Five grams later and a truck load of tears,
What made you go away?
Why aren't you here?

I sit and stare,
I look around the room,
See the dripping tap,
The peeling paper,
The clock upon the wall.

The clock doesn’t move,
The hands have stopped,
But still hear the ticking,
From the hallway,
The painting of melting clocks.

The time grazes by so slowly,
And nothing happens fast,
The evil of my dreaming,
The moment couldn’t last for long,
The clocks move time along.

A great, imposing figure,
Casting a shadow over the land,
As it reaches to the heavenly sky,
And its rumbles are felt like the rhythm of a band,
Its angry colours dancing like petals in the wind,
Deep orange and flaming red,
Black fire valleys giving predatory heat,
People stand in awe or tremble in their beds,
Devastation is caused and the sky is clouded,
As the rivers of fear flow nearer, so near,
See the birds fly high and away from the ominous glow,
As Mother Nature apologises and sheds a silent tear.

You’ve forgotten me already,
Cast me aside,
Left me outside in the pouring rain,
And coated yourself in pride.

You’ve forgotten me already,
Left me to rot,
Made me feel as though we were nothing,
Turned me into what I’m not.

You’ve forgotten me already,
Broken my heart,
Left me outside in the falling snow,
And forced us to grow apart.

You’ve forgotten me already,
Forgotten me,
Yes, you’ve forgotten me already,
Forgot what we aimed to be.

“This prison”, said the stars,
“Is a cloak of darkness against which we sparkle,
We are the spectacle,
The show of night,
Our ringmaster is the moon,
We are eclipsed by his power.”

Rows and queues of people,
Lines snaking around the church,
Slime and sin left inside,
Forgiven.

Heaps and mounds of decay,
Clumps rotting around the world,
Filth and foes left behind,
Misgovern.

Rows and queues of sinners,
Lines oozing around the church,
Healed and hurt left inside,
Forgiven.

Yield,
Give in to me,
Yield,
Just say yes,
Yield,
Come to see me,
Yield,
Hold me close,
Yield,
I’m good for you,
Yield,
Good for me,
Yield.

My head is twirling in its rampageous state,
Trampling all the thoughts I want to hold to,
Making the burn of lonely feeling rise,
Forcing the droplets to seep from my brown eyes,
That salty sting remains on the lash,
As a reminder of the truth,
There’s no escape,
From the hunting and haunting, like a ****,
Crushing the grape, the seed so pure,
And making the rampage run forever,
Like the gravy rolling on a plate.

Every week a different lover,
A change of clothes and back under the covers,
“****”
“*****”
All these names and more,
Hurled, like knives, at my back throughout the town,
All because I refuse to be tied down.

Big and strong,
Bigger than most snakes,
But his bark is far worse than his bite,
No poison does he make,
But slide and glide across the land,
Africa and Asia and on desert terrain,
The skin he sheds and leaves his mark of change,
He slithers in sunshine, in snow and in rain.

The floodgates are open,
And a sea of people pours through,
In droplets, in teardrops,
In the water of the morning dew,
Feelings and emotions,
The reality of life,
The anguish of tomorrow,
The victim of trouble and strife.

My floodgates are broken,
For there's a crack that's spread its wings,
In anger, in danger,
In the breaking of another string,
Standing in the corner,
Looking into the unknown,
My reflection shivers lies,
Floodgates of flesh, skin, blood and bones.

You came to me on an autumn day,
When the leaves browned under foot,
Found me at my weakest,
Mourning every morning, noon and night,
Took me to your castle,
You held my innocence tight.

Frosted rainbow high upon the clouds,
Static above your castle,
You rain inspiration,
Sweet darling you bring me to the light,
As darkness stole my world,
I am humbled in your sight.

Lost in a haze,
Lost in myself,
The world is spinning,
Spent all my wealth,
But I'm happy,
Happy in my loneliness.

My loneliness is mine,
I possess it,
Ownership of emotions,
Feelings i let rest and sit,
Still I'm happy,
Happy in my loneliness.

Lost in a haze,
Lost in myself,
The world is spinning,
Spent all my wealth,
But I'm happy,
Happy in my loneliness.

I'm green and happy,
Upon my lily pad,
Leaping to the side to rest,
And back to the water again,
Few troubles have I,
And here I shall stay,
Upon my lily pad,
I'm green and happy.

Dug in deep,
But deeper I fell,
There's no coin,
In my wishing well.

Lend to live,
But living is stress,
Golden crush,
Creates hellish mess.

Take the words that, like venom, sting my ears,
Discard the taunts you use to hold me back,
Leave behind the poison that cripples me with fear,
I now find it hard to paint over the cracks,
Now you should just put a knife to my spine,
Dig it deep and paralyse, use my blood to disguise the shine.

This train has reached its station,
And the passengers on board with the weight of the world on their shoulders,
Leave the train through the open doors,
Before the doors are closed and the dreamer looses his way; breathe,
And never let the dream end.

The clock chimes at twelve for the lunchtime rush,
And the stars come out to try to grab a bite to eat before the moon runs amuck,
Amongst the diamond twinkle is a shimmer,
Golden and lost in flight is the dream that I have tried to reach,
And now I have it, I won't give up the possession.

It's not as if I achieved, then rested,
I struggled,
I strived,
I continued on my path across the desert dunes and muddy lane,
To reach the planet of wonderland,
My struggle is not in vain,
For it's a continuation,
An everlasting ambition,
An everlasting condition,
An everlasting declaration that this dream is not over.

The plane had met its runway,
And the Pilot's Crew in flight are careful and uninspired,
I feel like a voyager on his first mission to mars; a child when he says his first thought,
In awe of the magic that is just beyond my grasp,
I haven't given up after the applause died down; this dream is not over.

Unlike a captain who needs to die aboard his fading vessel,
The ovation is not enough,
A tear or a smile, a kiss or a touch on the mind will scar with bliss my heart,
To share a gift - a dream that has not yet died,
I will run to the edge of eternity to become the light.

I’m a falcon,
Now you’re scared,
I’m the one watching from right up there,
I watch and I float,
I wait for the time,
The moment to break and swoop in and bite.

A lizard is nice but spiders I love,
But they’re harder to see from ten metres above,
I prefer open country to cities and towns,
But some buildings make good nests away from the crowds,
I’m always noticed by human passers-by,
“Look at him go”, they say. “Ah!”, they cry.

Red fire in my heart,
As I race to an orange paradise,
In which I can lay on yellow sands,
Never to be filled with green envy,
Blue and mournful I can never become,
Onwards we can dream to an indigo, subtle life,
With violet flowers leaning towards your veil.

Losing myself in your warmth,
Overbearing but utterly wonderful,
Vibrant and colourful is our passion,
Endless, ageless as a formation of raindrop colours.

In sheer desperation I hide,
No one can see; gone,
Removed from the flaming eyes,
The burning glare; probing,
Mourning myself; I changed,
For you I altered my views; shifted,
And now you've left me; gone,
A whole person; gone,
A whole person to whom I don't belong.

Thank goodness for rain,
It disguises the tears that crawl down my face,
The redness in my eyes,
Made from the bitter cold,
The truth about my sadness,
Hides beneath the storm cloud of gold,
I am a cunning chameleon,
Showing no signs of exposure,
Safe in my bubble of drizzle.

Look at the cat resting on the roof of my garden shed,
Alert but at peace,
Never moving but always on the prowl,
As heavy as a leaf that gently blows along the breeze,
The mercy of nature brings me crashing to my knees,
Begging please.

He sees a bird, this gentle cat,
And follows closely with his eyes,
Then pounces and achieves the falcons demise,
His next meal is secured,
And happily he can rest again - alert and at peace,
All at once his future is assured,
And he bows his head to Mother Nature for the blessings of her creation.

I'm blowing up the balloons,
And flying the banners high,
Ready for the party,
Aiming for the sky,
I turned twenty-one,
And was ready for the world,
I took her in my arms,
Spun her round; we twirled.

Look at the silent candle glowing in the corner,
I stare deep into its orange flame,
I feel like a stranger in my house,
But everything is the same,
I'm still empty,
I'm still cold,
I'm living the story,
I never told.

Look at the silent candle burning in the shadows,
I gaze deep into its fading light,
I feel like a demon in this hell,
As i head into the night,
I'm so frightened,
I'm so hurt,
I'm rotting from inside,
Turning to dirt.

The crucifix is broken,
My bible is in flames,
I lit the candle,
I banned my prayers,
The skies are make-believe.

My epitaph reads 'broken',
The stars all burst to shame,
I destroy the hymn,
Forced God to shy,
The heavens won't receive.

Bread of flesh,
Wine of blood,
A stolen gospel,
A broken chalice,
The altar bows down before me,
A priest dies,
A diciple cries,
Leaving me broken,
Just broken.

You touched me,
Since then my life has been changed,
I walk with my head up high,
I am proud,
So proud to call you my love,
The only one i adore.

You held me,
Suddenly it all made sense,
There are no questions to ask,
In your arms,
Feel as light as a young cloud,
My feet float above the floor.

I'll sneak up behind you,
No sound,
No noise,
Plant my lips on your neck,
Pull you close,
Make you a wreck.

This is my love bomb.

I'll lay you on my bed,
Undress,
Disrobe,
Press my skin to yor breast,
Feel your warmth,
Enter you; guest.

This is my love bomb.

I'll move deep inside you,
Tightness,
Magic,
Sink my teeth in your spine,
Hear you scream,
Relax; its fine.

This is my love bomb.

This is my love...

...

...

...

...

...bomb.

A thin veil of ice covers the face of the girl with diamonds in her eyes,
An irrepressible sparkle that, like wind blown dreams, never dies,
Yet every now and then on a warm, endangered summers day,
A blossom would drop down from a branch and, like time, trickle her way,
If she was lucky, and that day she was, the blossom would fall to the palm of her hand.

I met her once as, down Carnaby Street, i walked,
She tripped to my arms, i saved her, we talked,
We strolled the gardens of Regency Park,
I sat her beside me on a bench, we spoke until dark,
I placed her hand in mine and through the thin veil of ice she whispered 'I understand'.

Together.

Take a drink,
Stare up high,
Give a wink,
Wave goodbye.

My mind goes blank,
My heart goes slow,
My soul turns bare,
my life turns off.

Take a pill,
See it fade,
Aim to feel,
Hell is made.

Trip over,
All my lies,
To cover,
My strength flies.

My love gets lost,
My dream gets scared,
My song is soft,
My page is blank.

I go blank,
I go blank,
I go blank,
I go blank.

Blankness in the blanket,
Blankness in the bleakness,
Blankness in the boredom,
Blankness in the background,
Blankness in the brashness.

I stood staring into the coffin,
And saw my eyes looking back at me,
Petrified by the gaunt expression,
A face that's given in to depression,
And hurting,
Still hurting,
Oh hurting,
And never any peace.

I stood staring into the coffin,
And saw a face destroyed by the drugs,
Devastated by the traps of lies,
A glimpse of a tear as i start to cry,
I'm burning,
still burning,
Oh burning,
And never any peace.

I stood staring into the coffin,
And saw my heart resting in its depth,
Solitude and the pain of living,
A beat that refuses to start giving,
I'm dying,
Still dying,
Oh dying,
And never any peace.