Looking down the Christmas table,
I see my family laughing and smiling,
The picture of joy,
A friend on my right,
A sister on my left,
A lover in my heart.

Looking down the Christmas table,
I see my family eating and drinking,
The picture of life,
My ******* my right,
My brother on my left,
My parents in my heart.

Looking down the Christmas table,
I see my family hugging and kissing,
The picture of love,
My ******* my right,
My mother on my left,
My father in my heart.

If a child falls and scrapes his knees,
You comfort him,
If a baby says his first words,
You congratulate him,
If an adult cries at his failure,
You encourage him,
If a teenager asks you about life and ***,
You answer him.

Then why is it that when I fall you walk by?
Why is it when I speak you're dismissing me?
Why is it when I fail you smile?
Why is it when I ask you questions you refuse to answer?

I feel alone,
I feel alone,
I feel scared,
I feel scared,
See my shadow.
See a window,
See a chance,
Take a glance,
Then run,
Run from the gun,
Run to the sun,
Run to the light,
The light will grow bright,
Keep trying,
It's in sight,
I'll be alright,
I'll be alright.

Been flying with my travel bag,
Loaded,
Crammed and packed,
Taken me to many places,
None that take me back.

Been on the road for many years,
Moving,
Rushed and shoved,
Travelled to far too many towns,
None that brought me love.

Seen a number of pretty sights,
Rivers,
Wide and long,
Aboard a ship, a plane, a train,
None have kept me strong.

One of those moments,
The world seems brand new,
The glistening night sky dances 'til morn,
Feeling reborn,
Cloaked in darkness,
A net of darkness,
A safety net into which i fall.

Diving out of fear,
Leave pain in the past,
The far off cry of a dove does beckon,
Sense it beckon,
Encircles me,
It's surrounding me,
Protecting me from my cracking shell.

If i open the secret door,
That leads,
Guides the way to my heart,
I hope you'l find comfort,
Find an open soul,
A vacant hole waiting to be filled,
With all i can give, though not a lot,
I'll give myself over to you.

I’m on display,
Visitors stare blankly at me,
Blown away by the size of my enclosure,
Stretching world wide,
The enclosure is felt inside.

An incredible feeling of pride,
A desperate sense of denial,
The difference?
An aching heart and a burning soul,
An empty shell, a vacant hole.

An incredible feeling of strength,
A desperate struggle to weakness,
The difference?
An aching mind and a flaming core,
An empty well, blood on the floor.

I held it and read it,
Over and over,
Words that broke my heart,
Date of birth,
Place of birth,
Date of death,
Place of death,
Closed a chapter with the harshness of a slamming door.

He turned ninety-two,
And danced the night away,
Inside his mind,
What does he find?
Memories of kind,
From his first ever yearly celebration,
To his eighteenth filled with motivation,
Now he�s ninety-two,
Comfortable in his skin,
Another party over,
Next year a new one can begin.

Welcome to the new year,
A time for fun and laughter,
A time for friends and family,
Forget the ever-after,
Live for the here and now,
And forget the distant day,
Enjoy the festivities,
Take yourself outside and play.

Broken heaven,
Stolen soul,
My heart was torn and tattered,
My life was burnt and buried,
All because you ran away,
All because you made me pay,
Broken heaven,
Stolen soul.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by R. Kelly)

I feel them,
Hard like nails, pressing from behind,
I won’t let them out in front of you,
I run,
I run,
I run to the bedroom,
Close the door of solid wood,
And cry.

The sky has turned a peculiar grey,
As they stand at the grave,
Holding back the tears and growing fears,
Holding to the life you gave,
Your country won’t forget but memories are short,
The image they have is of anguish,
But now your body rests in eternal slumber,
They need you by there side- they can only wish.

From me to you with a Cherub signed note,
Is my gift of love and devotion true,
So that together we can see this through,
From me to you with an angels last flight,
Is my vow to give you my heart; my life,
My one declaration to end all strife,
From me to you, with love from me to you.

More than two years have flown away,
Since the day you were raised to become a star,
To float among the heavens, to find your way,
I am always with you though you've travelled far,
The only thing i beg is that in my heart you'll stay,
Though your body is time from home I'll know where you are.

I'm still in love with you for all the world you shared,
I'm sorry that your hand wasn't held as you faded down,
The only thing you need to know is that nobody else compares,
I'll always be your lover, i'll always be your clown,
Please rest for ever in peace and take me if you care,
You'll live forever in my memory, my face a constant frown.

Made up,
Disguised in a trance,
Pushed on,
Entered in a fear,
Laughed at.

Made up,
Disguised in a dance,
Pushed on,
Entered with a sneer,
Laughed at.

Surrounded by people,
Day and night connecting,
Very few get in,
Very few see beyond the smile; the joy,
So i often feel like a person outside,
Like a person who's always lived alone.

She no longer wants me,
She has turned her back,
The most evil of ways,
To give her whip a crack,
An email was sent to say how she felt,
To tell me her 'uncomfortable' thoughts,
That the cards i have played should never have been dealt,
And my heart was snapped in two.

See them applauding,
After we're through performing,
The crowd had enjoyed the show,
We take our bow, it's time for us to go.

I remember the last words uttered on the wind,
For God to forgive every time you sinned,
And to open your dying eyes so that you can see,
And not continue falling saying “bury me”.

I’m not afraid of hell,
It can’t be worse than here,
Where I live under the spell,
A spell of anger and fear,
Lonely feelings since I fell,
Where I shed a bitter tear.

So sit there and mourn me,
Imagine my forgiveness,
I’m in hell on the other side,
My time in hell goes on.

Through wind and water,
Ice as cold as hell,
Over lakes and mountains,
I cast my mystic spell,
Hear it echo,
Hear it ring,
Hear it bellow,
Hear it sing.

Through mud and gravel,
Rocks as soft as nails,
Over fields and valleys,
I walk although I'm frail,
See me walking,
See me move,
See me trudging,
See me through.

Sixty seconds,
A framework,
A skeleton of time,
Sixty seconds,
A blueprint,
A skeleton of time,
Sixty seconds,
A minute,
A skeleton of time.

Why didn’t he stay?
I needed to feel his embrace,
In a home; a safe place,
But he left with his friends,
The subtle hint of hurt descends,
Just to hold him in my arms,
To feel happy and safe from harm,
Why didn’t he stay?

I wait and wait,
As life crawls by so slowly,
Hours of resting,
Hours of illusions,
Hours and hours,
Wasted.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Michael Jackson)

Looking in the mirror,
Reflected,
An image of hurt,
Sadness,
Blood and dirt,
Who is it?
My God…
…
…
…It’s me.

Radio playing,
Songs in my head,
Full of happy thoughts,
I slide off to bed.

I spoke to Jesus,
He told me his plans,
To set Earth on fire,
Destroy every man,
I said, 'don't do it Jesus',
'That's the devil's call',
He said, 'we're one and the same',
And mankind's gonna fall.

Midway through the twelve month period,
The year,
We feel the rays peer down from heaven,
The world looks bright and clean,
The smiles on children's faces gleam,
Always hear the laughter,
Forget the ever-after,
And live in blissful harmony in the month of June,
It could never arrive a day too soon.

Make a fresh start,
Turn over that leaf that has kept you bound,
Remove yourself from the clutches of the past,
Make a resolution to last,
This year make a change,
Make a change before you are changed for eternity.

Today i grew older,
I am now 22,
But the sadness of my reflection,
Hurts me through and through,
I should be dancing and flying with the stars,
But the agony of my recollections,
Removes the essence of all i do.

With ever passing year,
I aim to reach the stars,
To be like many of my thoughts,
Shooting around planet Mars.

This year i want to be,
Not only try and fail,
I want to find the key to life,
As I'm on the New Year trail.

Kiss my body,
Every inch of me is breathing your name,
Upon my chest and through my spine,
Within each vein I feel your lips,
That tender bite,
That loving tongue,
Every inch of me is breathing your name,
Kiss my body.

Like a fruit that has ripened,
We slowly fade and pass,
To another time and space,
Become the dirt and grass.

Like the wind
Flows to the sky,
You and I must try,
To escape hell,
To reach our goals.

Don't give in,
Don't give up,
Follow the crowds,
But stand tall and be proud,
Don't give in,
Don't give up.

Unlike any other day,
It's not quite the same,
The birds have fallen from flight,
And the bat hides away at night,
And I'm alone,
Here on the floor,
Cold.

I hope that with this book,
I have at least cried my tears,
And maybe let go of the hurt,
I built up throughout the years,
And I think I understand,
That when it’s time to go,
I’ll be not afraid of leaving,
Just wonder where I’ll go.

When you feel trapped by a hurting heart,
The tears fall out shouting out their words,
"I'm coming",
To the ground beneath I crumble,
As death takes it toll.

When you have a blank page,
And you don't know what to write,
Just delve within your heart and soul,
Find a message of love,
Write it down,
Send it to me with haste,
So in reply I may say unto you...I love you.

You made me come inside you,
And baby it was made,
Then to heaven you went,
And took my baby to the grave,
I miss you both though only one I knew,
I cry inside but my love for you remains true.

If you decided to change your mind,
I'd drop everything,
Leave the girl I'm with for you,
True love though our lips never met,
You make me feel at one,
Let's lay in the sun,
If you decided to change your mind,
I'd drop everything.

I made love to him,
He made love to me,
We became one underneath the smiling moon,
Two men in each others arms,
We were just friends,
But a tender kiss created a fire,
That burnt into my soul,
I had to have you,
You wanted me to,
You had to have me,
I gave myself up for you,
I made love to you,
You made love to me.