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Silentangel Jul 2016
Reaching out
Wanting you to see
That I need you now more than ever
But you are not there
You never are
I feel so stupid,
Looking for you in the shadows
Everywhere I go
Wanting you to be there
Wanting you to see
Wanting you to want me
Waiting and watching
For any sign of a response
But nothing
No reaction
Not response
I miss your voice
And the way you’d hold me
The way you’d comfort me
If I would wake up crying
Every night you were gone
I’d pray to god
That he’d bring you home
That you would be there tomorrow
And never leave us again
Always saying you had to work
But really just trying to escape
Scared I would crawl into your bed
You were never there
The sound of muffled weeping
Breaking the silence
Looking at the closet door
Pain filling my heart
You would ask to be forgiven
For all the wrong you had done
For not being able to do everything
Sitting there not understanding
I’d close my eyes and ask god
To forgive me, to show me
What I needed to do
What it was that I was doing wrong.
Waking up
The feel of arms around my body
Closing my eyes again
Not believing
Not understanding
When I open them again
It’s all gone again
And so are you
Silentangel Jul 2016
Opening my eyes
I see you
I see your face
But it's not yours
Reaching out
I feel you
The touch of your skin
So cold  so lifeless
Listening
Trying to hear your voice one last time
Nothing
I don't understand
Where could you have gone
When I'm looking right at you
But is it you?
I don't recognize the person I see
But I know who you are
I remember climbing into your bed
I remember telling you my biggest dreams and fears
I remember you holding my hand
And showing me the world
I saw it all through your eyes
You showed me that anything could be what you made it
You just had to believe
Believe in the good
Always look for the light
The star that twinkles in everything
I did everything you said
I looked to the light
I made everything the way I wanted it to be
Molded my mind like clay
Made a window that faced the light
I looked through it as much as I looked up to you
Some days it never felt big enough
Some days I couldn't find the light
Some days I couldn't find you
It's like you disappeared
I shut the window and built a wall
Locking myself in
But still looking for the light
Running in circles
Looking for you
Hoping you'd show me the light
But you never did
You never came back
I see you everyday
But I can never find you
I open my eyes
Day after day
And your still not there
Did you forget
Did you lose sight
The stars are gone
I can't see the twinkle anymore
The world is not the same
As the sun sets and the darkness fills the sky
I begin to wonder if you were even real
If any of it was real
But what does it matter now
You are gone
Everything is gone
You are not who taught me to love
Taught me to look at the world as if it was a master piece
Painted and sculpted from the finest of things
I see your face
So pale and lost
I feel your skin
So cold and lifeless
I listen for your voice
But yet hear nothing
Where did you go
Why did you leave?
Silentangel Oct 2014
High up in the sky
Smiling down on the earth
A warm glow
Mixes with the cool breeze
Like a blanket
Draped across my shoulders
Spinning around
Eyes closed and arms outstretched
Letting it all go
Leaving the past behind
Stepping forward
Out of the shadows
And into the light
Embracing the beauty
Of this life
Of the Things around me
Letting the light
Fill my body
Watching the trees
And sky become a blur
As I tumble to the ground
Laying on the ground laughing
Watching the tall grass
Dance around above me
Tickling my legs and arms
Like little kisses
Making it all go away
Replacing sadness
With joy
The sun beaming down
Embracing my body
Like a tight warm hug
Lying there
I thank god for you.
Silentangel Oct 2014
As the words flow through my thoughts
Some begin to get lost
When I’m writing it’s like
I become a whole other person
When I just let them flow out
They form stanzas
And as each one grows
They tell a story
Paint a picture
Can you see it
Can you see the words
Painted out like graffiti
A million words to choose from
But none of them seem to fit  
Searching
Trying to find the words to say
To make it all flow together
Like a water fall
Flowing from one word to the next
Connecting together in the end
In on big pool
Like paint on a canvas
It’s not complete
Until you add all the colors and their shades
And just like life
It won’t last forever
But it will at least last for tonight
Just like a photo
You can capture the moment
You can hold it tight
You can even retell it in your own way
With words you can do so much
You can form a sentence
Tell a story
Create emotion
Capture a moment
You can even share your heart
And as the words flow through my thoughts
Some begin to get lost
Soon I will find just the right ones
In just the right order
They will create something amazing
Something beautiful
Silentangel Aug 2014
Some days I wonder what is going to happen, I wonder about where I ******* up this time. Every time I feel like I’m getting close to things being alright. Something always goes wrong, making my heart thump rhythmically at the thoughts of your voice. Then it’s gone, your gone again, Silence cuts through the air like a blade slicing through paper. Sitting in the cold silence, pain floods through my body, anger pulsing though my veins.
When I open my eyes I see a glimmer in the light out of the corner of my eye, its cold and sharp. I found my escape from you, from reality, from everything. Dragging it across my skin, so cool to the touch. Sending a flurry of new thoughts filling my mind, thoughts that stick and wont go away. Giving up and giving in, I drag my escape deeper and deeper into my skin, watching the crimson color fill the paths left behind. I watch the blood escape from my body. As if it is running for freedom, taking all the pain and anger along with it.
As new thoughts fill my head, I see smiling faces all around spreading their joy to one another. Suddenly I notice something in the corner, not something but someone. Only one person weeps sitting behind a big decorative box. A picture in his hand, dressed in all black. Standing out from everyone with their festive colors. The picture falls from his hand, landing at his foot I look at it closer. It’s of a boy and girl smiling at whatever took the picture. Looking closer I notice it’s not just a decorative box as the boy weeps harder Ii realize it’s much more. Nit a box but a bed, for a child that once was so lost she couldn’t find her way home. So she escaped the only way she knew how. Picking up the picture looking so much closer understanding so much more. Not just a happy boy and girl but a happy couple. A boy with the girl he loved more than anything. If you asked him what is wrong, he will look at you with puffy red pain filled eyes. If you ask who she was, he would simply say a misunderstood angel, nothing more.
At the ceremony they begin to tell her story, their memories of her. In the back sits the boy, the love of her life, holding the only piece of her he has left. Taking it he sends up a silent prayer, asking to be forgiven for the things he had done in his life, promised that he would never leave her side no matter what. Placing a ring back into his pocket he took the same blade that she had used sliding it up the same vein as she had. “I will love you forever and always plus eternity my beautiful angel,” his last words escaped in a whisper.
He lay in the grass and died alongside her. Not another word spoken about that day. The smile that surrounded them fell, no body spoke no body moved.
Silentangel Feb 2014
As the day goes on
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
Things happen
People forget
Pain is caused
You hurt the ones you love
The ones who love you
Begin to drift away
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We laugh
We play
We forgive
We forget
As time goes on
We force ourselves to see the good
To see the little things
Things that aren’t actually there
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We believe the lies
We see the stereo types
We want them to be real
We imagine life the way the world say it should be
Imagine ourselves as the person we should be
Not who we are
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We forget
We lose sight
We don’t look back and realize
The real importance of life
The reason we are here today
The pain caused so that we can become who we should be
Perfect in our own way
Different for a reason
Different families
Different lives
Different stories
Day after day
Minute after minute
Second after second
Time ticks on
Step out
Don’t be afraid
Be yourself
Be proud
Be who god has created you to be
Tell your story
And let it go
Take time into your own hands
Silentangel Feb 2014
Look me in the eyes
Tell me you don’t care
That you would take the life
Of an angel
A child
No matter the age
Four, twelve, seventeen, twenty-one
You’ll always be a child
In the eyes of your creator
The eyes of your parents
The love they show you
Shows that they just don’t understand
The voices you hear
Filling your mind with thoughts
You don’t want to think
You feel lost and confused
Observing everything around you
The things people tell you
The way things make you feel
Making you feel alone
The wanting to end it all
To make it all go away
The cold touch of the blade
Warms your heart
Always there for you
When you need to hide the pain
When you need to escape from reality
When you feel you just can’t take anymore
Now look me in the eyes
And tell me you don’t care
When you wake up in that bed
Your family and friends surround you
Tears in their eyes
The sheer look of pain
Painted on all of their faces
Looking away
Not able to face them
Looking down, knowing you should look up
You see your arms
Sown together
Pulling all the pieces together
Pulling you back to reality
Your once blank mind
Filling with thoughts
Tears fill your eyes
Pain filling your body
You can’t let go
A sudden comforting feeling fills your heart
Clearing your mind
A second chance has been given
This time don’t let it go
Look me in the eyes
Tell me you don’t care
That he gave his life
For an angel
A child
The ones he loves

— The End —