im ******* on my mind and my brain with the wrong wrench
my tongue is no longer connected with my thoughts
and my soul is somewhere out in the open
searching for a new home.

the dark no longer scares me at this point
and my fear of the unknown has faded.
the black space all around me just seemed to **** up everything i was once worried about
like the scars on my arm being visible
or the way i looked when i was not breathing

as if it was my choice to go this route:
stuck in the rabbit hole.
i was alive without a doubt,
just without control.

THE DOCTOR SAID IT TAKES A LOT TO MAKE MYSELF BLEED SO I TESTED THE BREAKING POINT ON MY SKIN IN YOUR NAME

i held the one i loved one last time
and get caught up in my thoughts:
i was a bush
and she was a tree
hugging me and dancing to the beat of the wind
as i stood there admiring her from afar.
i knew that would be the last i saw her
but by the time that thought came to mind,
i had spent our last hug thinking
instead of embracing her warmth like i pictured it would be.

THOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT,
MY ANXIETY IS LIKE A CONSTANT *** OF COLD WATER TRYING TO BOIL
AND WHEN IT GETS TO THAT POINT
I WANT TO SCREAM
UNTIL MY LUNGS TURN OUT LIKE A BALLOON BEING TOUCHED BY A PIN
BUT IN THE END, I ALWAYS REMAIN QUIET