Sierra Pruitt

Sierra Pruitt Feb 2020

fæ

who will take me to rome?

because i'm not sure i can make it on my own
but who said

well who knows

an ugly girl
in a beautiful city
is more common than you think
but maybe if i get
the lighting just right
i can fake pretty
for the fake post
for the fake people

maybe rome isn't for me though

i never liked when in rome

take me to ireland
let me soak in the culture
i'll flit away as the fæ
and never return

Sierra Pruitt Sep 2018

Pain no. 2

I reached as far as I could
but I was left painted in shadow.
There was nothing left
for me to gather.
Taken away as quickly
as it was given.
Nothing lasts forever
but this barely existed.

If you love it
let it go
but I can’t bear to part with it.
It’s all the proof I have left.
My humanity.
My normality.

Emptiness lingers
with the scent of it
but it is unbearable.
The void is unfillable.
Scraping at every surface
and coming up empty.
There is nothing
nothing left.
I am alone
with my thoughts
emotions
and empty
cavernous
mind.

Sierra Pruitt May 2018

conversations you have

no no
sorry
please continue
i can't imagine the unfathomable pain you went through
when your poor fish died today
although every day i get out of bed
hopefully
go to class
hopefully
pay attention
hopefully
make it back to my room unscathed
hopefully

let me start over
depression
anxiety
panic disorder
OCD
all things I deal with every day
my brain doesn't trust me
let alone you
i can't hear you over the sound
of the alarm in my brain
saying there is something out of place
something not right
something that could **** me

clench
breath in
release
breath out
clench
breath in
release
breath out
keep going
they're almost gone

age old techniques
that almost never work
i'll deal though
it's okay
please continue
i just need to leave
very soon

so sorry
i really must go
but i hope you feel better
and maybe we can talk again later

Sierra Pruitt May 2018

Pain no. 1

it hurts not to know
so very much
it feels like one half of you is being pulled up
while the other half is being pulled down
i must decide my destiny
far too early for my liking
but i cannot continue
to endure to pain
to entertain it
to sustain it

it grows like a festering disease
just waiting for the perfect time to attack
for your abundant joy to be broken down
like a toddler knocking down a tower
they spent twenty minutes building

you expect it to happen
but when it does
you will never remember why
sometimes falling apart is the worst part
but other times putting back together is even worse
and the worst part is
every time you rebuild
you know you will fall apart
again
and again
forever

because we are human
and we have a tendency to destroy
i couldn’t help but notice
how destructive i was
until i tore myself apart

Sierra Pruitt Mar 2018

a day in my life with a panic disorder

you wake up feeling nauseous
“it’s okay just keep going
the ever-present coffee made
never perfect but always enough
the shakiness sets in
you check your hands every two minutes
just to make sure you aren’t faking it
your hands and feet get cold
you can’t help but wriggle your toes to regain feeling
your heart feels like it’s retracting
as if it wasn’t enough
you feel like there’s a hole in your chest
it’s hard to breathe and you don’t want to function
you could use a coping mechanism
but then people would notice
no, noticing is bad
better not
you want to cry but the tears don’t exist
finally alone in your room
keep eating to fill the hole
fall asleep watching YouTube videos
wake up to suffer again tomorrow
“you’re fine” you tell yourself
this isn’t nearly as bad as then

Sierra Pruitt Feb 2018

Dance of Life

She danced around
the edges of
Life.
Whisking around
every hurt and
trouble.
Not a doubt in her
mind,
for she did not feel
pain.

She glanced at the
others,
not knowing of their
struggles and
trials,
for she had none.
She would never
understand
why.

Until she was
pushed.
Into Life.
Into pain.
Into confusion.

She did not
understand
why,
but she knew what she
felt
was true.
She tried to
glide
away,
but she could never
dance
the same way.
Until death do her
part.

Sierra Pruitt Jan 2018

Sculpted

We sculpted this nation.
We pulled the burning shreds
from what was left after.
After we discovered what there was.
What there was for us.
Our future.

We sculpted these states,
these laws,
these rights,
this nation.

We sculpt ourselves,
but why?
We sculpted our images,
our egos,
our words,
our hopes,
our dreams.
We sculpted ourselves.

But we have already been sculpted.
We need no additions,
no subtractions,
no edits,
no remodels.

We are we.
Humans
People
Beings.
We are we.
However sculpted we may be,
we are we.