You see there is not much of me left to give
But I’ll give you what’s there because I know that I don’t deserve it, not because I think you do
I’ve wasted so much of myself already

that I don’t think it really matters who gets the rest

Over and over I have tossed aside the things I love for you
And I’ve let go of dreams that I was just beginning to believe in and hopes that I thought I would always long for

Because I thought that maybe someday you would do the same for me
I stupidly thought that you might eventually learn to love what I love and see what I see
If only for just a moment

I’m old enough to understand
I know that sometimes I make mistakes
Mistakes that cause you to look at me with that I-told-you-so expression in your eyes telling me that I won’t ever amount to anything
But at least I admit I don’t have everything figured out
At least I have the guts to go out and do what I want

You’ve taught me all you know
You’ve raised me as best as you could and now it’s my turn to do things on my own
It’s my turn to prove you wrong
I may make mistakes sometimes
My seemingly fool-proof plans may not always work out the first few tries
But that’s ok

I don’t think people were ever meant to get things right the first time
And maybe not even the second, but I do know that sooner or later failure becomes something that only exists in the past
So I might fail, I might fall and scrape my knees more than once
But I know now that falling is only part of living and that being alive means having the strength to get up again

So don’t hold me down, don’t hold me back from what I love
I’m old enough to understand
Just let me go

I’m no good at hellos, I feel that introductions are often a lie
You never hear people say: Hello my name is so and so, and I’m afraid of being alone
Because people don’t like to admit that they fear anything
Being fearful of something makes us seem vulnerable
(Or does it?)

I think I somehow knew it was going to end up like this
There was always you and there was always me
But there was never us

I replay the first time we met, those awkward first glances and exchange of words
The beginning of many conversations to come
We didn’t know it then, but we would soon be listening to one another’s voices like they were the only sounds that made sense in this world
(When did we decide they meant nothing at all?)

I remember the last time we saw each other, those too-short kisses and drawn-out hugs
The promises of forever, that always seem so real in the moment
(But that I don’t think anyone really ever intends to keep)
We didn’t know it then, but we would soon be pretending that everything was ok even when it wasn’t
(When did we decide we couldn’t possibly make things right again?)

Honestly, I’m not afraid of being alone
I’m just afraid I might always be that way

This isn’t goodbye
This is just goodnight
Maybe I’ll see you again tomorrow, or the day after that

This isn’t hello either
This is two strangers passing each other by without saying anything at all
Maybe someday we’ll make our introductions again

But next time I’m going to say: Hello my name is so and so, and I’m afraid of losing you

The accounts of losing yourself were as follows:

i.
              
The voices of the people around you started to sound like a cassette tape in fast forward. You couldn't understand why they were talking that way.
Alltheirwordsstringingtogetherinunrecognizablehighpitchedgarble­

ii.

When you saw your reflection in the looking glass, you began to see someone else.
You couldn't recognize the face in the mirror. you reached out to touch who you thought you were, and your hand slipped through the surface like a hand submerging into water. And that was the last you saw of your face (or at least, what you thought was your face)

iii.

So now, you became a faceless creature. You saw without eyes, hearing only static and white noise. You walked on abandoned sidewalks, tripping over broken glass and getting tangled up in withered weeds. It is there where you completely lost yourself. And no one saw you slip through the cracks into the crevices of shattered dreams and empty promises. No one saw you fall through paved over lies and stomped out wishes.

Somewhere along the way, you misplaced what it was to be human.
You became something else entirely.

**You became a writer.