The password we always use
The recurring dream
our favorite type of abuse
our self-esteem

What we are hungry for at midnight
What we feel bad about taking
whose hands we hold too tight
whose heart we are breaking

i am gradually
starting to lose feeling in my toes.

Is this how people begin to die?
slowly at first then all at once.

Sometimes if you stand really still you can see we're all losing our grip on the world.
death by death
see where the line between human and ghost begins; human flesh turns into dead ice cold skin.
cut by cut
see when they become so light that gravity cannot hold them down.
earth to earth
and they drift away, weightness since they have no hope to weigh them down.
dust to dust

round and round we go
through the relentless flow
life's so fast it gives me vertigo.

and if I'm just a tiny particle
why can I feel my soul
being devoured by a black hole.

melting into mush
the ice cream cone
a party hat
crushed

ants
begin to gather
small black sprinkles or bugs?

how quickly the treat is forgotten
abandoned for scavengers
and the shoes of passer-byers
to oblivious to change their path

my parents came to check on me
i quickly shut the lights
turned off the TV
everything was black so they knew I was alright

my parents came to check on me
i threw the bottles in the trash
took out the bags
everything was empty so they knew I was alright

my parents came to check on me
i did all my homework
smiled happily
everything was normal so they knew I was alright

my parents came to check on me
i should have told them that
my life is gray and
everything is not alright

You love like a noose
I'm on firm ground
and then suddenly I'm falling.
Only you can catch me
and when you do it takes my breath away.
My last minutes spent
in your too tight embrace.

every night i hear my brother's tortured cries in his sleep
every day i watch my sister as she pretends to eat
sometimes i wonder is everyone like this down deep
sometimes i wish i didn't have to keep pressing repeat

our parents tell us to believe in broken things
like unicorns and wishes on shooting stars
why do they fill the world with magic
now I cannot stop looking

We don't stand a change.
It's all eventually no thing.
Everything ends in a circle.

peeling back my skin
now my body is outside in
following the veins
blood spreading into a stain
around me pooling into the carpet
the droplets not letting me forget
what the pain will illuminate
the truth, something discovered too late

Forgotten notes lie at the bottom of bags
along with broken pencils
bits of dirt

forgotten words, prayers
continually trampled
deeper and deeper they sink
as work is piled higher and higher
compressing into one

uncrumple them
unscramble the faded letters
before
at the end of the year they are swept up
into the trash
recycled to pulp and reborn

They still linger there
with the gum wrappers
and discarded things
you cannot throw out
until you have forgot them

I steal things
your thoughts
your time
your heart
its funny because people hate it when you steal things
especially when they don't notice until your gone

if i could
       i would take that smile
       and inject it directly into my bloodstream

my parents warned me about drugs in baggies
       sold on the street
but never the ones
         with teeth
         and a heartbeat

-MM

the sickness rises in my chest
we continue in this gruesome dance
my hands become covered in blood and lies
the things i see when i look in your eyes

i scrub and scrub
but the marks remain
as long as I continue to scream your name
as long as I beg you to drive me insane

I drink water
seven bottles a day
but I'm still thirsty.

My body disintegrating
rearranging into pieces
while I watch the swirls they make.

Circles growing and growing
things go in but nothing comes out
everything is salt.

Someone must have built it
leaving no trace or proof.
Some other thing must have existed
for this is reality.
It's existance is proof!

snow snow snow
trickling down
swirling around
was it dropped by mysterious hands?
no.

So why not this igloo too
perhaps a big bang
a speck of dust grew
if no one created earth
why not this igloo too

When I heard his voice I thought it could be the same
that the toy I put on a shelf would always be mine
but after I had wiped the dust off
I discovered it was really you
alive
and you had moved
so I put you on the shelf again
and promised not to pick you up
because next time the cracks from when I dropped you
will cut my fingers

I love how your clothes are always either two sizes two big or two sizes to small.
I love how you look in the mirror and slowly realize something is different but cannot tell what.
I love the way people exclaim, "I almost didn't recognize you, you've really grown up!"
I love the way your story slowly builds up into one only you I can tell.
I love the paradox, because all this growing will eventually leave me worn out
old
empty
wrinkled
a scrunched up brown paper bag trampled in the street.

who are you?
i asked while drifting in the sea
then closed my eyes
the too red sun beating down on me
but the question was still there
not letting me sleep or dream
tangled in my hair
breathing in the air
and I was scared

I just wanted to write a poem
And have it disappear into infinity
Not looking for validity
That it was only loved by me.

Just when you really love someone
You hold the words close
Like a firefly in you hands
Because if you open them to show someone
It could fly away into the clouds.

But now my room is overflowing
With things longing to escape
But I lock the door
Because I know once they leave
I’ll forget what they looked like.

She was there, I was not.
The one that cared in that empty lot.
Standing against the bricks, uncertain of what's next.
Reading her face like a black bold text.
She had chosen the other side, away from me.
I had to let her go, but I hated to see her leave.
She walked away and my heart broke.
Tossing, turning, then I awoke.