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Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
My thoughts are like parasites
Eating away at my mind.
I'm afraid I can no longer hide.
My demons are pouring out
And I'm to blame.
I should of hidden them better
And now I feel ashamed.
You see I'm a sinner
And the worst kind.
I do things and think of things
That would never cross your mind.
I've done something terrible
But im not sure what.
I'm afraid I've completely
Avoided it until now.
I'm scared to know what it is
I'm scared to figure this out.
When I close my eyes I see him
Coming at me like some
Wild animal.
His face is dark
His eyes are darker.
His grin is fragile
Like one of a child's.
I know him and what he is
But I do not know his name.
This man is where my demons began
And yet I'm still not sure how.
My walls are braking
There crumbling down.
Soon everyone will know the real me
And they won't care how
I got this way.
They will all say I'm crazy.
But maybe,
I am.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Color me beautiful
Paint me with a secret
Draw me with passion
Now look, look at what you've done
You've created this monster.
Someone so strong they seem weak
So confident they seem lost
So full of beautiful colors
They only ever seen blue.
You bring my life color
And they only bring shades.
So go on help me complete this
Project.
Help me
Color you beautiful
Paint you with secrets
And draw you with passion.
Sℳǐζξ May 2014
I'm afraid I'm going mad,
You see.
Everything turns to blood,
In my dreams.
I never wake scared,
Only curious.
Not curious for who's blood
This is,
But curious,
As to why it is,
that I'm still here.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
Girls are called fat, ugly
***** and ******.
But nobody sees
What goes on behind
Closed doors
Some of us girls
Cut
Others use thing that are hot to the touch.
There's so many ways to give
Yourself pain.
Most of us cry some of us hold it in
But we all know
No matter where we go
It will just began again.
We are stronger than you think
But you have to remember
Everyone brakes.
So if you see us as weak
Or maybe even disgusting
Because we inflict harm on our selves.
Just keep in mind
We didn't want this
Not at all
It's you nasty rude
Ungrateful
People that brought
Us to fall
If you find happiness in this
Well then bless your soul
Cause I think God will look down on
You not us
But you for braking our souls.
To all the girls, like me that have been treated like ****. Don't believe anything people say to you your perfect the way you are.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Watching my heart beat
Feeling my breath
And wishing
It would just stop
And I would be found dead.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Kiss my cold lips
And whisper
Those words.
Don't fear for
Me
Because here
I am not alone.
I'm surrounded
By angels.
Sweet creators
They are.
They hold my hands
And tell me of
This great man.
I see him now walking
Towards me.
The lights so bright
I can hardly see.
He touches me softly
Whispers and says
Darling child
Today's not your day.
I'm shot back to life
And I awake to see
You eyes.
Filled with tears
From when I was not here.
All I can do
Is look at you and
Say
It's beautiful there
And if you weren't here
I would of begged
To stay.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
She'll wait up all night just to hear your voice
She'll rub your back and kiss your neck after you get home.
She tells you the things you want to hear
And
All the things you need to.
She loves you so very much and she will
Always need you
No matter how bad the fights get or
The arguments.
She'll always come back,
Because your the only one she wants
To hold.
So please don't push her away
Just hold her
And tell her that everything will be
Okay.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
Her tears come at night when no one's here.
When all her fears come alive,
That's when your not there.
They fall even when she's asleep.

The blade of that razor is what helps,
When her feelings come leaking out.
That first drop of blood maybe the last,
Only if you stop pushing aside her past.

The day you realize you need to help,
Her razor may have already done your deed,
And then it will be your tears that make you fall asleep.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
He's followed me my whole life
He watching me sleep at night.
He says he's my guardian angel
But he's so dark and his wings have rough angles.
He only comes at night
And he shows right up when I'm in a fright.
My dreams told me he's bad
But then again he looks so very sad.
I offered to be his friend
And though he has no face I swear i saw him grin.
Now he scares me and won't go away.
I should have listened to the Lord.
This demon is feeding on my breath
Becoming strong.
Once he changed my shadow
And I ran all the way home.
Scared he would come inside
If no one was there.
I locked the doors and ran.
My breath was heavy and my body was tired.
When I awoke I was no longer home
I was in his house.
As I look around I see him in my body
Carrying it around.
He took my soul
And I took his place.
Now I'm powerless
But am getting brave.I'll have a new me soon
Till then look out your window
You'll see the shadow man.
This isn't very good at all. But it's pretty deep. (:
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
I love a man
Who wants to **** me.
So he can be happy
And not feel pain
I fear is his motive.
He says that he loves me
But how can that be.
After his hand meet my throat
And he started to squeeze.
I realized
I've been running from
Reality.
His sweet make up words
That smile he has
Are all just to cover up
All his demons he has.
This man scars me to death
But I can not leave him.
You see I love his man
And every part of him
Even his demons.
His demons are strong
But I will become stronger
Ill send them away
Because he is soon
To be a father.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
A green like the first blade of grass in spring,
A blue as dark as the sky on a cloudless night,
A yellow as bright as the sun,
These are the colors of the eyes,
That carry me.
Carry me away from this cold place,
They bring me bliss,
And this I know is complete happiness.
This place where I am,
Where love is all I feel,
And passion is all there is.
These eyes belong to my one true love.
This man I know will be the one,
To take my hand and never let go.
I love you.
if.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
if.
If I leave tomorrow will you wait for me today.?
If I die in sorrow will it take your pain away.?
If I say I love you will you act ashamed.?
Or
Will you say it back while looking at my grave.

I ask this only to see if you will lie to me.
I know all your answers,
So please don't act shy towards me.

When you look down and away from me I feel we're not meant to be.
Should I be scared for my life with you.?
Cause you know I would die
Without
You.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
I didn't see you there
Though I wish I had.
Cause if I did
I wouldn't hurt this bad.
I wouldn't of screamed
So loud.
And cursed at nothing.
If I had just walked past you
If I just moved an inch.
But I didn't
And now I'm smaller than I was when I began.
So please coffee stand
Don't be to hurt
When I tell you I hate you
All because you hurt me.
A note to the coffee stand from my pinky toe. Lol. Everything is inspiration me.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
Show me who you are,
And who you want to be.
Tell me your story,
And where you want it to end.
Now let me see your secrets,
And how they molded you.
I promise I won't judge you.

You've told me your past,
And I've seen your present.
I've hear your secrets,
And now I know them all.
I knew you before,
But now I know who are.

Your life has been hard,
That I will say.
As long as your with me,
Ill make sure your okay.
So show me your smile,
And wipe away those tears.
I love you,
And with me you'll have nothing
To fear.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Looking at you now
Ill try not to cry
I can't promise
I won't
Because you see
I'm not as strong
As I used to be.
Today your
Coming home
With either
Tears or a smile.
Which I won't
Know for a
Little while.
Ill pray that there's
A smile
On your face
When you walk in.
But God
Can always
Make these things
Go away.
Oh ill pray he does.
Cancer already
Took one loved one
I'm not about to
Let it take two.
Sℳǐζξ May 2014
Your skin touching mine,
Your breath on my neck,
In the middle of the night.
Your lips touch my check,
Soft, bitter, and sweet.
Your mine,
I'm yours.
Nothing will change,
Even with two children,
On their way.
We'll be strong,
And stay together.
Cause we are truly meant for
Each other.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
You deserve so much better
Than me.
You say you don't
But there's things I swear you don't see.
You've treated me so good
Like a princess of
Some sort
And I've broken your heart.
I love you with everything I have
But sometimes
I fear I should let go.
Cause you see
You deserve better than me.
You don't deserve
To be hurt all because
Of my mistakes.
You don't deserve to suffer
Because I opened my legs.
You should
Be with an angel
Not a demon.
You shouldn't have to
Worry about me
Because I feel like this
You should be happy
You should be in complete
Bliss.
And with me you are not any
Of this.
I cry sometimes because
Of what I did.
It haunts me just like it does you.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
The marks on you make me wonder
If there could be another.
You tell me you love me and would never
But everyone makes mistakes.
So I sit here thinking your with some girl
While I'm stuck here at home
All alone.
Could this feeling be true or is jealously
Just getting to me.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Everything I say
You seem to take the wrong way.
I love you
That will never change
No matter what I say.
Just remember
Your my one and only
And the only man
That will forever hold me.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
I've never wanted anything more than this
I've always longed for that last kiss
I've been told that I'll be alright
That there's nothing to fear in the night

You all told me I'd get better
That this storm is just bitter weather

No one told me the truth
No one told me I'd be this way forever
That my crys for help would go unanswered.

I've never wanted this
I've always just wanted happiness
I've been lied to my whole life
And now I fear what's resting inside.

You all sit there and see me hurting
Watching as I brake.

No one told you it would come to this
No one had the heart to warn you
So now ill sit back in silence watching as you all go mad.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
When this feeling comes
I start shaking
And wrist starts aching
I don't know
What to do.
He says if that blade
Meets my skin
He'll leave me again.
But he doesn't understand
I need to feel
The pain
I need to feel that blade
Deep in my wrist
I know I'm insane.
But I can't fight the feeling
I can't not want to
Cut
And watch the blood
Drip down my arm
And hit the floor.
At this point someone will
Normally open my door
And ill smile
With tears of regret.
Regret not for the cut
Or the blood
But for the hurt I have to you.
I do this to harm myself
And yet other hurt to.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
I wake in the night screaming your name
The nightmares get worse
It's like their stabbing my brain.
I need you to hold me
But your not here
When I realize this
That's when the fear
Comes creeping in.
You told me you loved me
But you lied
Now all I'm wishing for is
To die.
My worst nightmare
Came true
When you looked me in my eyes
I realized my worst fear was
You.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
Hazel eyes that have seen it all,
Shaking legs that made him fall,
Gentil hands that slam against the wall.

This is where it began, and where it will end.

Blue eyes filled with tears,
Knees hit the ground hard and painful but she does not care,
Hands covering her face because of her fears.

Where it ends, is where it begins.

Hazel eyes locked into a blue,
Legs so close they have no clue,
Hands that are practically glued.

Where it began, it ended,
And where it ended it began again.
shh
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
shh
Shh.
Do you hear that.
My heart is beating unusually fast.
I,
I think it cause your here.
Because you are so very near.
Love,
Love is in your hazel eyes.
When ever they look into mine.
You,
Your smile the way it shines.
Every time your hand touches mine.

Your perfection in its rarest form,
That's why ill hush you and say these words....
^^^^
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
I've only ever ******
So I want you to show me how to make love
All those before you meant nothing
I'd be a liar if I said any of us had
Something.
But you my love are simply bliss
You showed me that through your kiss.
So my darling make love to me
And prove to me that we're meant to be.
Look deep into my eyes
Move slowly toward my tights.
Kiss my lips and show me all the passion
That you hide.
Whisper sweet words to me
Before you become a part of me.
I want to know your truly in love
I want to be your only one.
If you can promise me this I'll bless you
With saying I do and a kiss.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
If she leaves me now
I'll fall apart.
Though it would be a whole new start,
It wouldn't be the same not being in her arms.

My father's beautiful wife,
She cared for me my whole life,
She's been through so much.

The strongest women I know,
She'll give you a show,
Playing as if she's okay,
But she's hurting,
And we can see her pain.

She's my mother,
And I love her.
All I ask is that you pray,
Pray that she'll be okay.
My mom is sick and the doctor's don't know what's wrong yet. I know it's bad though cause she asked me to pray for her to be in good heath. All I'm asking is that you do the same please. Me n mom are very close and I just want her to be okay. Thank you
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
So young
So beautiful
So much like me
Your smile is breath taking
After seeing your photo
I'm sure many fell to their knees
So many tears you cryd
And so many of them
We all wishes we wiped away
You were treated so terrible
And this I'm sure of when I say
Your missed so much
Though I didn't know you
I've heard your story
And I'm sorry that so many people
Ignored you
Your tears were real
As are mine
Your story changed so many lives
And that I'm sure of
You were so beautiful
So young
And I know so many wish you
Hadn't taken your life that day.
Now sweet angel
Rest in peace
And spread your wings
Because now
Your free.
This poem is about Amanda Todd. I didn't know her but I've recently hear her story, and it broke my heart. Because of what she went through I am going to try my best to change, (calling people name's etc.) Rest in peace Nov,27,1996-Oct,10,2012
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
Life is just a game
There's no way to cheat
And there's no winning
There's only losing.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
What can I do other than cut.?
It seems nothing gives me the same rush.
Seeing the blood drip from my hand
Makes me wonder if it's time.
But then my fiance comes to the rescue
And tells me everything
Will be alright.
I want to believe him
But you see I can't.
I've been lied to my whole life
So why take a chance.
He'll hold me and whisper sweet things in my ear
But with him behind me you see
I get this great fear.
I've been through it all
I know what it's like to hurt
I knew the moment
That pervert went up my skirt.
Now I'm afraid of every man.
And this is the reason
I am who
I am.
I want to love him but it's hard
Even though he can see passed my scars.
I still get the chills when he touches me there.
And this I feel is my fault
Cause I wasn't aware.
I didn't know what that man was doing
Nor why.
Now I know and
I hide inside.
He haunts my dreams
And because of this I will not sleep.
Now let me be.! Please have mercy upon me.
This is it I can't take anymore.
This will be the last day I walk out that door
And to the willow tree I will go
Not to sit and read
But to be hung by a rope.
Sℳǐζξ May 2014
Our hello turned into this,
A love so strong,
So true so real,
So filled with bliss.
We'll never end you said,
Through your kiss.

Our love turned into this,
Two beautiful babies,
On their way.

I can't think of anything else to say,
Your my fiance the love of my life
The father of my children,
I love you.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
A word used to describe a feeling,
An action,
Or even a thought.
Something said,
But not often true.

Could it be we're all lying.?
Or perhaps where all just trying to hard.

What does this word mean,
Does it have a legit mean meaning.?
Most of us will say yes,
And others will say no.

So should we agree to disagree,
And just leave it alone.

NO we need to know,
Not only for us,
But for those whom we say it to.

This word is weak and strong.
Overused but sometimes not used at all.
Shared around the world,
Around your home.
Everyone knows the word,
But whom really understands it.

Not I,
I will admit, not me.
I say it and trust it,
But is what I'm trusting real.?

So now I ask you,
What is this word love.?
Does it have a meaning.

Or are we all just imagining,
Our prefect love.?
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
I'm sitting here going crazy
In my mind.
Rocking back and forth
Wondering why.
Why I'm not good enough
Why nobody cares
Just why
Why am I still here.
Sℳǐζξ Apr 2014
Two heads
Two mouths
Two noses
This is what it's comes to.

Four hands
Four feet
Four legs and arms
For this is what will be.

Two hearts
In two separate bodies
But at the same time only one.

Three people brought together
To make a family
Not like any other
One.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
We're meant to be
Like summer and the sea.
We're meant to kiss
Like sun shine on my skin.
Your to hold me
Like the clouds in the sky.
I'm to hold you
Like the stars at night.
We're meant to love
Like no other.
Cause I know we'll
Always fight for each other.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
You were just about to leave
When I asked you to stay one more night with me.
You looked so confused
You had just told me that we were done.
But still I was not going to give up.
We were laying so close
That night
My face buried in your chest.
Telling you how much I love you even till
This day I will not forget
When you looked at me and said,
"I can't be your friend,
I can't be your boyfriend,
So..."
You looked right into my eyes
"Will you marry me "
I was so shocked and happy at the same time
And I know you knew this
When the tears fell from my eyes.
I said yes
But of course I did.
That day you proved to me how much you
Love me,
And I know after I said yes I had proved my
Love for you.
Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014
No one but you makes me happy
No one but you can make the tears stop.
But you
Are what they want to take away
They don't understand that with out you
There will not be a me.
They say you control me
That I've grown weak do to you being with me.
But what they don't know is I've really
Gotten stronger
I'm better now.
I don't want to die everyday.
And it's all thanks to you.
I love you no matter what
And we'll always be together even if
People doubt our love.
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
He sits on the swing,
Watching the leaves fall from the trees.
He's scared but won't show it,
He's worried about his wife but won't let her know it.
He plays it off like he does not care,
And trys to run from his fears,
He hides his feelings behind a mask of tough, raw, meanness,
But he can not fool us.
We know how bad he's hurting, we can see through him and see the pain.
We just wish he would see how much we all love him.
Because everyone knows you can't fight cancer alone.
This is a poem a wrote to my grandfather before he passed away a few weeks ago. Rest in peace. You'll never be forgotten grandpa red.<3
Sℳǐζξ Feb 2014
A beautiful love,
Young and fresh,
Granted to take your breath away.
So new to the world and to this first true love,
But it's taken a toil on both of us.
Your mind runs crazy with violence and fear.
She goes mad inside as she fights off tears.
The love you shared is slowly fading,
As all that love turns to hatered.
Neither talk to others outside their "love",
Or conversat with their own true blood.

You want to hurt her but you won't let it show,
She wants to leave but won't let you go.
Your mind as driven you both crazy and it's because she left for a night,
And came back with black and blues on her thighs.

Suicides the only answer,
Unless we can erase our memories,
And with that said I'll shed a tear as my heart gives way,
And your fears take your mind away.

— The End —