5 things i can hear
4 things i can smell
3 things i can see
2 things i can touch
1 thing i can taste

waking up each morning, with
those wet lines down your cheek,
reminds you of how you just cried
yourself to sleep.

every day is hard, and
it’s just getting harder,
like the distance keeps
pushing me away farther.

the longer you’re gone,
the harder it gets,
like my soul’s collecting
unpaid debts.

so I’m here for another night,
begging for the tears to stop,
but the memories keep flooding in,
and my heart’s about to drop.

i wish it was me.
i wish i was the one you chose
you don’t know how much i ache for you,
and how i don’t want out chapter to close.

i long for you each night and day,
i just wish you hadn’t driven me away.
i hope that you are doing well
but here i am stuck,
trying my best to say
farewell.

you left without a trace,
but you left me bruised.
now i lay here awake at night,
just feeling like i was used.

you said all these kind things to me,
i wish they were true.
i’m still holding on to what you dropped,
and still clutching pieces of you.

i just can’t seem to let go,
though most of my tears are ones you’ve caused,
falling like rain on a heart paused.

you don’t know how much i miss you,
and how i wish you were around.
i don’t know when i will move on,
or if i’ll ever be found.

i miss what we used to have,
and everything you’d say.
now when i wanna tell you something,
all i can do is wipe my tears away.

i know i shouldn’t miss you,
because you didn’t think twice.
you’re probably doing just fine,
yet my heart’s still bruised, a razor-thin line.

it’s been three months
everyone says move on
but someone needs to tell that to my heart
because it still skips a beat
when it hears your name
it still flutters and drops to my stomach
just like it used to when i saw you in the halls
but now it’s out of sheer panic
like my body still thinks you’re coming back
and it doesn’t know you aren’t

it’s out of memory
not love, just the ghost of it

it’s out of habit
like muscle memory that hasn’t caught up to reality

it’s out of grief
as if seeing you again would bring me back
even if just for one more second
one more good night
one more i’ll see you later
one more i miss you
one more is all i need

but i know
it’s already gone
you were gone even before you left
and no matter how loud my heart screams
no matter how much it aches for you
i’m left bleeding out into the nothingness

and even if i were to get that last and final goodbye
it still wouldn’t be enough

so i sit here
haunted by the echoes of what i can’t answer
the questions that are left
when love fades into silence

how long do you bleed
before you stop hoping?
how much pain does it take to learn that some loves don’t come back? or maybe that they never even loved you at all?
how do you live with a heart in pieces?

but maybe some questions
never find their way home

people say if you were meant to be
you’ll find your way back to each other
so tell me,
how do you move forward
when you’re stuck in the past?
because i know you aren’t coming back
even if all of me just simply wishes
for one more.

if my younger self saw me now,
i wonder if she’d be disappointed,
she would see how i’m really doing,
and leave me disjointed.

she might cry and say,
“that’s me in ten years?”
when all i ever wanted
was to face her fears.

after i did,
and i took those risks,
it changed me forever,
but me it fixed.

i’m glad i did,
though little me may be sad,
but i know when she grows up,
she will love all the memories we had.

i woke up again today,
though i wish i had not,
because i just have to struggle,
lay here and rot.

it’s what i’ve been doing
for the past couple weeks,
but when someone asks, how are you?
i silently freak.

i can’t let them know,
i have to say i’m fine,
while on the inside i’m fading —
i lost my shine.

it left a long time ago,
i just never saw,
until all my worst fears came to life
and i started to withdraw.


so now i lie in bed,
waiting for someone to ask,
hey, how are you?
before i put on my mask.