I always think about that night when when my whole world fell apart. I smoked ****, when I promised you I wouldn’t. Once I told you the truth, I didn’t think you were ever going to forgive me, but eventually you did. I didn’t deserve to be forgiven, and you didn’t deserve to be lied to. I think back to that time when I found out I was failing High school and I told you I was okay. You didn’t believe me, but I was too scared to open up to you, so I stuck with "I'm okay". You left me for 2 days, because I did not open up to you. I think back to the time I got into an argument with my mother. It was about you, and I honestly didn’t know how to feel about that argument. We went out that night with our friends, I didn’t do much talking, and I stuck to myself. Minutes later, you went home without telling me. You left me there, all alone. I had to get a ride from someone else. I was in tears that night, but I shouldn’t have been because it was all my fault. I think back to that night when you thought it was my fault the guys flirted with me. We had a big argument over that. I tried to tell you how you were the only one I wanted, that what they say to me, doesn’t even come to mind or affect me. I could care less about those guys. You left with that, but I knew you didn’t believe me and I knew I had to make it up to you, so I did. I remember when everything was okay with us. That last month of the summer was great. I started opening up, you saw the darkest sides of me, I heard many stories about your past, we truly learned so much about each other, and I knew we were finally happy. That night I left to go back home for 7 months, I was sad. It started to get bad again. I was scared, I was scared of us, but of course, I just shut you out. It’s what I do when I’m sad. I said goodbye, I told you I loved you. You told me we were going to be okay, I believed you. But I guess after those times I've lied and mistreated you, it was your turn, and you got me good. I think back to September 21st, you broke up with me that night. I felt my world fall from my hands. I thought back to all those times I took you for granted, and if I could go back, I would. I wouldn’t have smoked that joint when my world was falling apart, I would have came to you instead and told you what I was going through. I would have opened up to you. I would have communicated with you. Communication, I was never good at that, and you knew that, but someone can only take so much. I guess eventually, you got tired of me. September 21st, you said and I quote, "We have nothing in common” “You don’t communicate” “I have a lot going on, and I don’t need you right now” “No, we cannot be friends. I need time”. I understood so, I agreed to end things. 5 days later, you found someone new. At first I thought, you moved on pretty fast for someone who was “In-love” with me. Maybe she wasn’t in-love with me, maybe she was just in-love with what she wanted me to be, or what she thought I could be. I couldn’t be what she wanted and that tore us apart. October 30th 12:49 AM, it would have been 1 year, 1 month, 2 days today. I still cry over you. I sometimes read the letter you gave me on my 16th birthday. You told me, I am and always will be the girl that takes your breathe away, that part kills me every time. I still have your shirt, but I don’t wear it to bed anymore. I still think about you, I still think about what I could have done different. You’re the reason I do not feel good enough. Am I a terrible person for saying that? I caused this all on myself, but I still do not feel good enough for anyone? You always had something wrong to say about me, and I always apologized. That eventually gets to someone. I’ll never be good enough for you, but I just hope someday, I’ll be good enough for someone else. “”
— I’m so ******* sorry // October 30th 12:49 AM.