A place for everything, and everything in its place
The box under my bed holds photos of your face
Wipe down the mirror until your reflection's erased

It's the only place I know to start
A catharsis on my part
First my room, then my heart

Crowded loneliness

                       They dance          I sit
          Their hands held high          My fingers clenching the temples of my lowered head
             Shouts of joy arise          Tears converge into two flowing cheek rivers
                    Such unity          I am on the outside
Sweating from movement          Surrounded by their heat
             Let us join hands          I must get out
                                               So I'm running
                                                         ­       Fleeing
                                                ­         Down the stairs, out the door
                      The slap of cold hits me like a body check, a reality check
                                And I know I will not turn back
              
                      If I'm going to be alone and outside
                                   **I will be so by choice.

I sat unaccompanied
Though not alone
I had the crossword and my thoughts
Wishing I had brought a sweater

But then you smiled
And it melted the cold
Hot apple pie beneath a hill of frozen vanilla

And I could no longer tell if my goosebumps
Were from the cold vinyl chair against the backs of my legs
Or your sudden raw presence

I saw you approach the counter of supplements
And walk right on by
I wanted to tell you
I drink it black too

It was Tuesday, a little after 4

Maybe you always come here Tuesdays
                                                        ­              a little after 4

So you can be sure I'll be back here
                               Tuesday, a little after 4

I want to see if there's anything else we might share
Besides our dislike of cream and sugar
And this moment at the coffee shop

You listen to me lament, and hold my hand
Like the filament that holds my anther
For me there is no other

And you are the catalyst for my growth
The calyx beneath my flower
Keeping my peduncle standing firm and straight
Through every debunkle caused by fate

You come near,
     and I am suddenly in bloom

I sit here, still, because everything's turning too fast
Nothing lasts
A blast from the past and like that
I'm consumed

The room's too small and my emotions are too big
My heart's trying to escape its cage of ribs
Too much, too soon

I want to run away
Run fast and run forever
And let you chase me but never ever catch me

And I want to lie here unmoving
Stay paralyzed with the weight of you sitting on my chest

I hope I never see your face again
But when I do I'm going to kiss it
Kiss it tenderly
With this love that I shouldn't have for you
And kiss it goodbye
With my five fingers clenched tightly into a fist

And when it's over
When you're finally behind me
Never again to be with me or inside of me
When I blow out your presence
And the damage you've caused has faded into a wisp of smoke
And finally disappeared altogether
It is then that the spinning will stop
The world will slow enough for me to stand
And take my first wobbly steps without you

Eyes open
     and everything's falling.
Tears drop,
Buildings crumble,
Spirits plummet as bodies sink to the ground.

Eyes closed
     and everything's rising.
Flames dance behind my eyelids,
Smoke enters my nostrils,
Prayers are sent up.

Eyes dead
     and everything's still.