slipping into another type of girl person
this one’s bold and fearless
this one’s quiet and reserved
this one knows exactly how
to make normalcy seem absurd
but which one am I, when I am alone,
and the situation doesn’t call
for a specific rule or tone?
It’s easy to be what everyone else wants
just say jump and I’m there
Say you’re unhappy and I can bring a smile
Tell me you want smart conversation
I’ll be intellectual
If you want to argue
I’ll bring up matters controversial
I can jump from class to class
person to person
clique to clique
but I can’t truly answer questions about
myself.

Roughly three blocks away
I turn my back to face
The sun rising up
I am cold I am drunk
From trying to shake off
The feeling of being stood up
You said forever
So tell me why did things change?
I want back into your life
But I just don't fit
Send your words on their flight
I'm losing my mind over you
I'm a wreck and it's sad but it's true
My whole world has become unglued
You were the best thing for me
Until one day you changed the scene
Deleted me
Leaving me in this God awful whirlwind of
Heartache and uneasy sleep

you, my friend, are a mystery
and though we’ve had short history
i often wonder if this will change
or if my thoughts will rearrange
themselves to put you in a place
of familiarity, of space
midnight drips from your fingertips
and pools into deeper depths
in the corners of my intellect
it’s what i’ve come to expect
from you, this once stranger
that i couldn’t help but notice
as time goes on you change your song
and i start to sing along
quietly for i fear the word failure
coming from your lips
i can feel myself trying
as if i didn’t try before
or didn’t notice because i was sure
of myself...
and now i question all i say
for i fear my words might sway
everything in the most dire way
but i always long to talk to you
your voice can come to me none too soon

take a look, take a look
it’s another go around
it’s another way to sound
out your bitter loveless words
shoot down these birds
these already flightless doves
it’s another chance to break a heart
another way to **** the start
of something special
i was nothing special
until you made me feel
undeniably real
so thrilling so thrilling
stirring up my heart spilling
feelings everywhere on the ground
i mopped them up without a sound
did a double turn around
when you told me we can’t happen
it will never happen
go be the savior and save me
and while you do it go on and break me

placing trust in unhindered rush
what a shame i see right through you
you cut some slack and beckoned me back
instead of saying we’re through
now i’m a wreck in every way
i don’t know what we are today
or what we’ll be tomorrow
i’ve told you time and time again
i love you shine or sorrow
suns sink down and moons rise up
into the black night sky
nothing changes in my heart
as days and nights pass by
it hurts and kills this longing thrills
the emptiness inside
turns me into some kind of beast
that dwells where hopeless love lies
if only i could tell you everything
maybe everything would be okay
but i’m so afraid that i’ll wake up
and find you gone one day
if i can’t have you as a lover
i’ll keep you as a friend
but you have my heart in the palm
of your hand
until the very end

how do i feel?
what a question to ask me
at this late lonely hour
i may have had a glimpse into
this looking glass quite dour
i feel ancient like a stone
or like the calm of midnight sea
young as the morning sun
looking down in curiosity
sleepy like a child with heavy eyelids
listening to the last lullaby
aware of everything around me
it’s the complexities i spy
in love with the future
whatever it may be
resentful to the nature
of the favors you ask of me
happy to be your pool of light
your own personal shining sun
determined to make you run in fright
with all the terrible things i have done
or thought about doing
had the opportunity arose
for i let go every chance i had
to step upon your toes
and now it’s time for me to tell you goodbye
i feel the need to rest
without you i’ll feel okay
but wonderful at best