The coldness consumes
Me in it's large, sharp cocoon.
I'm swallowed by it.
By the hard, crushing
Tragedy. I don't know what
To do to make it
                                                             Stop.

These next few hours will
prove whether or not I can
handle what comes next.

I haven't looked out
the window in some time. I
wonder what's out there...
                                         This isn't a joke.
                               I used to look out it all
                                  the time; now I don't
know what lies beyond
the pane. Is it different?
Or have I just changed?                                
                        ­                    If I decide not
                                to look will I be happy
                                      with my decision?
Or will I be sad,
tortured about what lies be-
yond my window pane?

The pang, pulse inside
My chest warns me of the hours
To come. I am so
Anticipating
What will happen to come next.
I close my tired
Eyes and envision
The once dry grass now covered
In a thick layer
Of snow. But you still
Manage to look the same. Just
Like I left you. On
The day we first met.
A lump forms in my
Throat and my lungs clench softly.
I imagine your
Small, smooth, forever lasting
First kiss at midnight.

I know the ones I love actually hate my guts.

I keep my teeth clenched.
I keep my heart filled to the
brim. Ready to explode.
                                  
                     ­              I keep my eyes closed.
                       I keep my mind else-where so
                                      I don't have to hurt.
      
                         Sadly ironic
           how I keep my heart and mind
                      oh, so seperate.

I wished up the fragments from our last time together and cut them up to piece them together again.
                       I used those fabricated pieces and created a new possiblity, a new oppurtunity. I saw it so clearly.

Suddenly,

                                        A bolt, a pang of
Foreign emotions
      
                                    Plunged and sifted,
Tore through my heart

Replaceing every sweet thing I thought with doubt and anxiety. I felt the constant squeeze. It became too much.
                       I said no. I turned down every solution and answer. I left you alone. Without an explanation.

I don't know
                                        What else to say.
Except
                
                                       that now I wish I
Could change
                                    
                                     so this night could

have happened.