I felt a familiar ache today--
My heart beat once and then withdrew.
It shook my core all through the day,
But then it stopped...so I did too.

For when I looked upon my heart,
I found it fine, all healthy fit.
How strange of it to play that part,
That faking pain while lonesome bit.

But who's to say my heart I lead,
When I'm not one to find a path.
My silenced mind will beg and plead,
Yet it's no match for my life's wrath.

But tomorrow I will wake to find
Today's new worries have up and fled.
My heart will wait as I search my mind
For thoughts I've lost and words I said.

Like a mute spectacle I stand, sighing,
sadly staring at the silent caged birds
that are now walking instead of flying;
i often worry that I'll lose my words.
Beautifully adorned I sit, thinking,
lamenting gorgeous juxtapositions,
ornate phrases, and new wonders—blinking,
i admire my strict living conditions.
Exhausted, so now down I lie, sobbing,
wondering to myself about this cage
that impedes my spirit and is robbing
me of my ability to feel rage.
I open my mouth to formulate sound,
hoping for an idea I haven't found.

I can ask myself two questions, this I know.
For within two answers is Where I feel right--
One to remind me of the things I have lost
And one to persuade them to return to sight.

Because what once was Lost can always be found;
And what can't be found should not Always be missed.
But cruel memory is a reminder now
Of one that was once so lingeringly kissed.

But, have we Known what was desired before?
Each Truth persisting in preparation of
The wanted, the Needed, the right, and the wrong
Humming with the righteousness of vibrant love.

Thus, as each syllable utters its Ripe moan,
We'll find answers in the symphonic echo:
Gentle, whirling Raptures that we longed to hear
Encompassing these feelings I Ache to show.

Light becomes insignificant when snow makes it easy to see
At night everything encased in a seal of white
It all has its description within covered or uncovered
The snow does this, enveloping and erasing further inquiry
Because we know only what has color and what is white
Defined merely by a frozen particle of water floating down
Forming a blanket of ultimate understanding for you and me.

I want my life to be like that.

I think God's taunting me with snow and my desire for simplicity, a desire for the ease of proper definition
My life has meaning, but not enough, only enough to tease
And there are a multitude of different shades of every color
Either metaphorically or literally, it seems excessive at times
Feelings run so deep they bear the risk of exhaustion via
The repetition of. The repetition of. The repetition of
Feeling the same exact way so many different times
That the emotion becomes a memory of what it used to be
And we try our best to remember how we felt years ago
When the emotion was a film of snow untouched
Resting gently upon a world we've come to understand
Bringing with it a new perspective on what we used to
Find so unbelievably beautiful we swore we had no words.

I wish my life was capable of either being or not being
I'd like just once to be covered with snow or uncovered
I'm growing weary of taking off all of my clothes to
Find different hues distort the preconceptions I had
Of my body when I thought I knew my image before
But I don't know, and tonight my world's washed white
And the only images I find in my head are ones helping
To define a world I had no grasp on in the first place.

So, I step softly but still the snow packs hard into my shoes
As I wander forward finding wonder in the same old things
I look back to see the steps leading me to where I stand
And I wonder if I stood here all night and didn't move,
The snow erasing all evidence of my journey to the middle
Of this field where I'm the tallest object for miles in a scene
Where my brown coat stands starkly against the ever shifting
Colors of the horizon and gentle zephyrs stir my hair. I wonder
If I could convince myself that I was the only thing that exists
When there's no more path leading to where I stand and
I can choose to no longer step forward to leave a trace
That maybe I can just stop moving and the world
Would dissipate and I would melt slowly into
The colorless world and no longer be the
Only object that ruins the scene of
What could possibly have been
A perfectly covered world
Without me in it.

Within the parameters of two likelihoods, I may be…
Covered and quickly disappearing under ultimate understanding
Uncovered and slowly crafting a memory you'll forget one day.
I suppose I'm glad for the red morning sun that melts it all away.

Your words laid a gentle stain upon my thoughts.
Even in that moment where I assumed you left,
A shimmering mirage left while looking in the sun,
I felt your words find purchase within my mind.

That's why I'm sitting here now, my half naked
Emotions dangling uselessly at the end of sentences.
Waiting for a word, your words, to cover them up
Like they used to, when smiling was full of appeal.

But I can't complain about love lost and longing for,
When the choices you made inflict changes on me.
Since it seemed a worthwhile cause to change your
Life; back when I thought effort constituted caring.

So, I'll pray for your words to myself in the mirror.
Reminding my eyes of the shape of your mouth.
If only to serve as a kind of temporary pleasure
Before I recall the onset of your tearful goodbye.

Cause I look to the sky at night or in the day
And find the same images conjure from the air.
A red tussled emptiness that denies me a breath.
A love tainted masterpiece designed to depress.

But nothing compares to the words on my brain;
Memories die, pictures erode, a smile is sneaky
Emotions fade, the sun sets, the sun rises, tears dry,
Eyes blink, glass breaks, and my life changes.

But words don't leave my mind, they're always there.
And I'll sit here, whispering them, while I stare
At the sky, the sun, with its brilliant blood-like light,
Eagerly awaiting the moment you return to my sight.

I'm caught in a dull haze. A rhythm less voice
Aching to find reason, to find words, to speak
To an unknown source that alleviates my choice
And might help to cull the havoc that I wreak.
A cacophony of logic, an explosion of thought
Amidst this curiously chilly night of summer;
If I'm content with lonely and all that I've got,
Then I've no desire to want anything from her.
Emotions ignite my mind and realizations incite
My tongue to speak and mouth to open wide.
It's an obvious lesson that I learn when I write:
My life is the follower and my mind is the guide.
I fear not the morning with its new decisions,
Since it's merely my life's chance at revisions.

I often wonder
If the tears that fall quiet
Are for me or not

A brief solitude
Followed by intense longing
Tease lips with a touch

But silence brings you
Harbinger of my lost love
To nowhere near me

Set me free, will you
Yet hold me close, can you please
Brief dichotomy

Sighs bring fogginess
Words echo vibrantly
Will they be for me

Trickling waters flow
Life hurries like the river
Waiting for the frost

Frames hold my picture
Memories hold my longing
Hands holding nothing