A deep dark throbbing void
Thoughts of a long lonely road
Standing at this juncture, self-sacrifice
Half a life gone, of turmoil, turbulence

For better, for worse, for whatever it is worth
That chapter, that door, tightly shut. No more filth!
Never to be open again, never to peek in
Half a life, ya Allah! Have mercy. Show a sign!

Dark heavy clouds hovering around
Sunshine and hope peeking all the same
Peace of mind, a relief at times
Turmoil and angry bursts at other times

Standing alone under the shower
Under the roof of an empty house
Cry into the emptiness, the void forever
Wash away the tears, the fear, and the worries

Walk out to the world with a confident smile
No one the wiser to the dark ugly turmoil
The bursting pain behind the eyes, clawing out a mile
Clawing the sides, clawing up, a bursting skull

Yet, standing tall, standing proud
Is that pride? Is that strength? Is that weakness?
Weakness to reach out, seek help
Alone, alone!

Alone in to the world from darkness to the light
Alone out of the world from these blinding lights
Out to the darkness of gate of hereafer
Time will come to meet the lord, to make things right

Until then play this game of life

It is a curse to believe you need the certainty,
To live life expecting a ting of morality.
It is an insatiable need to maintain,
A scream in vain.
It is obnoxious to believe you can know someone,
It is an impossible feat for anyone,
You cannot dwell deep and fix their scars,
No one reveals all, not when it's their secrets hidden behind their own prison bars.
It is a myth, a legend,
That love solves all,
It is a children's fantasy to believe in the fairy tale end,
And yet, I try, even faced with the growing wall.
There were storms and plague,
Emotions which were vague,
The pain seemed unending,
And yet there was no craving for a new beginning.
Things have ended before,
I figured it out so it fled my core,
Some were easy, some hard, some I let go and some I fought,
But you, I still try, to figure out.
So that is the story, that is the certainty,
A joke upon a joke on my soul that needs the clarity,
To realize I can never be certain,
Hence unable to stop trying, a mess, a failure, an outcast in pain.

you are the calm of the torrential rain
good from far, get drenched out there
you are the stars in the sky
twinkling from afar, unattainable reality
you are the blue of the horizon
ocean meeting the sky in a straight line
you are the green of the mountain range
jagged here and there with gigantic rocks
you are the blazing hot sun
upfront, upclose, not safe for me to be bare
you are the mellow yellow moon
melting my heart, putting my guard down
you are in my dreams and waking thoughts
making me weep of joy, also of sorrow
you are ...
so much more ...
you are my proverbial shoulder, my punchbag

many a time in life we see,
people coming together, the guilt their fee,
the mystery, the secret, their favorite glee,
brief but satisfying as long as they see,
understanding that, what they feel would never be free,
the best time in their life, it could turn out to be.

it was the dead of night,
i heard a soft knock on my door,
i got up and turned on my light,
while picking up my shorts i had left on the floor.

i opened the door,
i did not ask for more,
because it was her,
she came in with no sign of fear.

i closed the door,
picked up everything else i had left on the floor.

she looked at me, smiled intrigued,
her eyes meeting mine, i understood her need.

i sat next to her and held her tight,
she melted into me, with no hint of a fight.

i nibbled her ears, i kissed her cheeks,
then it became urgent, like we had been waiting for weeks.

i woke up as the sun was rising,
she was still here, blissfully sleeping.

she was so beautiful,
how much, i cannot put into words.

i just felt lucky, and finally i guess… happy.

once there was a lonely rock,
in the middle of a rocky shore.
sure, there were other rocks around,
but this rock was different,
and didnt get along with the other rocks.

then along came a storm,
the storm was loud,
the storm was flashy,
the storm made sense and the storm was strong.

the lonely rock weirdly found these things soothing
and immediately found itself a friend.

but the storm was a storm,
it went away as soon as it came.
and again there sat a lonely rock,
in the middle of other rocks, waiting for the storm.

You taught me to love, you taught me to hide,
You taught me to judge, and you taught me to cry.
I have felt joy and have also felt fear,
Tasted the bitterness that is in a tear,
I have risen and I have felt the fall,
In short, with you, I have felt it all.
Yet even in anger, even in pain,
I do not regret and exactly the same, I will do it again.
A lifetime it felt, and a lifetime it was,
Memories undying, it will stay as is, as it always was,
Pure moments of happiness,
Gifts which will always be priceless.

the only thing i can offer,
is my shoulder and the truth.

i agree the unknown can be hurtful,
so come out from under your veil,
the shadows that you call home,
join me in the light, come.

life is not sensible, so why should we be?
if we didnt give into emotions, where would humans be?
what is worse, the unknown or the untrue?
i know men are men, but there are some who are pure and true.

brick by brick they build a dream house
cemented with respect, care, harmony, compromise
bit by bit a spectacular dream blossomed & wide it grew
lots of humour lots of mirth, plenty of caring;
too good to be true

up in the air it all was, she knew he knew
crumble it all will, she knew he knew
temptation too strong, uncertainties too great
too good to be true, life is never that straight

let it grow tall? let it grow wide? to see it explode?
the questions she ask, she can’t help ask; they're too loud
crumble now or later, what would hurt more?
she hurts too much as it is, without adding more;

trust, an issue to a large extent; kindness, true it cannot be!
a game of emotions, there is fear this all could be
a game has an end, a winner a loser, no doubt
losing never is fun, enough has been lost and fought

with a sorrowful heart, with a wretched numbness
wanting to say bye, asking for forgiveness
wanting to hang on all the same, no doubt selfishness!
cruel it will be to keep going, she knows! he knows?

the moment i see him 'up front'
my poor heart goes thud thud thud
my face hurts with the rush of the blood
excited, elated, jubilant and thrilled

what should i do? my breath I hold
should i say hi and risk being ignored
should i wait for him to take the lead
either way, leads to an uncertain road

i keep staring, and my mind takes a ride
the long journey we already had passed
full of mirth, yearning, conversations myriad
the affair he instigated and we both shaped

i start or he start, both happy and glad
when on the same wave length and band
unhappy when busy on the receiving end
longing and craving for the merry contentment

on days i don’t see him, my heart sinks to the end
the day becomes a chore, gets longwinded
can’t help wonder if the feeling is reciprocated
my unsaid want for him and his desires confessed

today, now, i see him and i hide as a coward
why? need reassurance he is not playing with my mind
whatever. i crave his words, his jokes and his touch
ethereal it is! but better than the real world

evoke his image & that’s all the reassurance i need
i go back to the page. click! & i’m a green dot
the mere gesture turning my face red
with excitement, ecstasy, thrill, & delight

in another universe, in another time,
they had met, at the perfect time.

they were not lonely, they were not sad,
their new found feelings did not make them feel bad.

there was no guilt,
it wasnt a secret,

life was not cruel, fate was inviting,
destiny had chosen, and there would be no waiting.

it would be their start, they would be there till the end,
maybe for them it was written like that, but they were lucky,
unlike others, happy, they were till their end.

in your room, your santuary,
open your laptop,
sit down, relax, let go of the burden you carry.
think of the good, the bad and the worst,
think of what helped you smile the most.
you still feel insecure and alone,
thinking about the past thats gone.
think of the future, the guilt and the pleasure,
weigh it out, see if your life is still a treasure.

by living we learn,
how much our souls can burn,
how much our hearts can mourn,
how much our minds can scourn.

but sometimes we have to let go,
believe that there can be something more,
believe in fate, time let it slow,
let our souls smile and let it glow.

you hope you dream,
of life without pain,
you stop yourself and not feel,
running from reality in vain.

monsters are monsters,
they will never change,
they are evil and bullies,
your mind they will always change.

they will make you doubt,
they will make you cry,
they will make you forget why you fought,
their lies; they will make you buy.

the world will always be cruel,
like you say its upto you,
say no, i never will,
stand up, never forget, like you say its upto you.

there are many things that i would do,
and say many things which would be untrue,
to make you smile, when you are blue.

right now i am whatever you need me to be,
i have always been like that, how stupid that was; i could not see.

think about it again and again,
and its pretty clear and plain,
this could only end up with pain.

so like a bad story book,
before it holds on, before it can plant its hook,
i, like you say, need to take; another look.

reasons are clear and are never fair,
words are words, but there is still fear,
it should end, or too much; we will care.

so the end remains a mystery, an unsung song,
just a part of history.

friends we'll be,
our conscious; guilt free,
our lives mundane, when we end this story of you and me.