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Mar 2011 · 587
Something for myself
Shay Garner Mar 2011
tell the incessant worms: stop.
tell them to cease draining their oceans from these eyes,
these eyes of dying forests in the dawn.
take their hope of seeing me on my knees.
the green is just behind your eyes.

my eyes scan the curvature of the earth behind me,
my throat rumbles,
my lips form words in just whispers:
won't you tell me where you're hiding,
Past?
Mar 2011 · 593
regrets
Shay Garner Mar 2011
ask yourself:
who am i now?
you've become like the rest of them,
you've become what you've spoken against,
you've become what hurts me the most.
you're just wasting my time
by playing these games,
or whatever they are.
you tried to turn the tables,
but ended up just turning them over.
you stopped,
and i kept going.
what can i do with you?
I guess the only thing i can do is
nothing.
the same old thing we've been doing to each other
since that day you fell for me,
the same day i put up those walls and said,
no sir.
Shay Garner Mar 2011
we are deep
deep into this world
we are little spirits
running around
causing mischief
the elders will get mad
we are trying new things
anything
everything
we are not going forward in time
we aren't going anywhere
these spirits
are stuck in this little dream world
we are dreamers
this is the 4th dimension
we are happy
the 4th mind is the dimension
we are happy
we are how it began
we'll always feel this way
because nothing can change in this expanse
never ending the possibilities
the turquoise tiles with various shapes cut out of them
will be arranged in never ending rows
each one with infinite stories
but ours stand out
like a sore memory
the ever flashing light
that never stops flashing
like our love
it does not cease
they assemble
they are the sun
but ours are at the middle
they power our happiness
for they are memories
the grass is neon pink
the sky is green
there we are
on the top of that water slide of emotions
we conquered those emotions
pressed
tightly
the spirits protect one another from the wind
that i love so
for it reminds me of this
we need to find these spirits
and become them
only them
they will always be there
waiting...
Shay Garner Mar 2011
Already,
a chapter
in a dusty, untouched book,
distant behind an alluring silk ribbon bookmark,
with transitioning colors.
In the mind’s eye,
you’re the arduous stone
upon this never ending,
ever changing path to the Sublime,
that I stumbled over
and scrutinized for a brief,
abruptly ending moment.
Looking back down these Tracks,
which incessantly shift forward
beneath my feet,
a mean looking fog,
catches the eye,
about right where you were
last seen standing.
some might question
from where about did this fog arrive?
Was it from the patterns of sounds,
that magically made me think of you?
Was it from the air,
which pierced through the very flesh
of the hand scraping these feelings onto paper?
No, that is not where it’s from.
That is not where it is from, at all.
My very own being tells me that
it’s from the constant shaking and tensing of my nerves,
the sweat upon my brow,
that I felt every time our hearts
were forced nearer and nearer to
each other.
This fear secretly held a gun to my head
and told me
“take a Right at the fork in the road”.
Turns out,
fear convinced you
take a Left.
The end.
Feb 2011 · 569
Learning My Lesson
Shay Garner Feb 2011
Not everyone travels at the speed of light,
Some travel simply at the speed of sound.
I've lost the will to risk this happening again.
I don't care what you're thinking,
If you don't care what i'm thinking.
I don't care what you think this is,
Because I think this is over.
There are so many people out there,
That would be lucky to have me.
That's what he said.
And I trust him a hell of a lot more than I trust you.
I turn,
It's all a blur.
You're a blur.
Feb 2011 · 577
An Idea For Harold
Shay Garner Feb 2011
Gone roundtrip to the end of the sky.
I must return to myself...
Failure in faith of the fact
that our two worlds will combine in this way come four weeks.
However,
If you choose to remain in this heaven with me,
I'll be over joyed.
I like you.
However,
A world without these moods changing like my crazy world,
Would indeed be a relief.
The sneaking sneaking in the barely substantial shadows,
The uncertainty.
I am meant to be in solitude.
I don't know if you're done with me or not,
That's the median in the road.
We've reached our limits I fear.
But I still think I can love you.
The fear of boredom is constantly in combat with that thought.
I truly tried just to make you happy.
That's all I want.
Part of me yearns to admit you're infatuated with me.
I'd say you're perfect for me,
but that phrase is overused.
People say that about someone who is leaving them.
If they're leaving,
how are they perfect for you?
I'd say it's me, not you,
But I don't even know.
I'd say I'll see you in four weeks,
but who knows.
You'll probably find someone else.
I'm going back to the way it's supposed to be.
Come with me, I implore of you.
I'd say please don't leave me.
But I know nothing can prevent that.
I won't shed a tear,
I'm a ******* robot.
I'll be over and beyond you.
I'll push out those thoughts.
Pull out the shrapnel of our feelings for each other.
But it will be a shame.
Because you sure are the ****** closest thing to perfect for me.
I will definitely miss you.
Don't get me wrong,
I never fell for you.
No, sir, I didn't.
I was always hesitant about you.
Past experiences provided the rope
that kept me out of that endless pit
Of insanity
Well,
I guess this is it.
Return the deeds to myself.
We had our fun.
I'll take these memories to the grave.
If your intentions are not what I thought,
I'll always be here.
I hope you understand...
Jan 2011 · 605
Patient.
Shay Garner Jan 2011
Yes, I think we're losing it.
Theres nothing I can do…
And it's not that you found someone else,
Obviously we're just losing it.
I'll continue to try,
and I want it.
But I can accept it perfectly fine.
I really don't want you to hurt…
and I think i'm doing just that.
I remember that time,
when he said we were done.
I blocked my sorrow out.
And i'm already over it.
Finally found the secret to getting over these kind of things…
This is too much stress for me.
But I've been making the sacrifice.
I know it's not me.
I want it more than you can understand.
And I love you more than you'll ever know.
But letting this go might be necessary…
And I know I'll regret saying this.
I know myself so well…
And I know you.
Because you're just like me.
How does that song go?
The one about Patience?
I'm going to be patient.
Remember how we kissed?
I think you genuinely care about me
but it just seems to be collapsing.
My plan,
my own person in your eyes,
I'm running out of things to say.
But you are the closest thing to love that i've ever found…
Everything happens for a reason.
Please stay with me.
However,
I won't push it.
Shay Garner Jan 2011
the bright light it's robbing me from my sanity.
prepared for the end of that rope.
sun, linger close to earth once more.
it yearns for the tickle of your rays,
lingering upon its surface.
it's so cold.
never leave me as the sun does...
continuation remains unclear.
terror coats my every thought.
heart beating as fast as my love grows for you.
instinct,
pushing against it, as if it were trying to slow it.
instinct, eternally victorious.
my ignorance puts up a steel wall against it,
hurting myself.
trust is absent.
please don't surround us.
with those bars of trust,
that will allow you to so easily break me.
fear of you leaving grips my heart
with it's icy claws, and it's perpetual stare,
warning me:
don't fall for him
it's telling me.
my little bit of reassurance
grasps all it can with it's minuscule grip.
i'm barely breathing.
just let me go home…
put my whole future for grabs
just to stare into those eyes once again
before someone takes them from me.
those eyes,
the only gateway past the facade.
i see you.
i just hope
you'll stay lonely long enough
for me to come home.
i shouldn't need to tell you
that it'll be worth it.
if i do,
i can forget about you in an instant
i tell myself
Jan 2011 · 560
Just For You
Shay Garner Jan 2011
I'm ******* terrified.
Paranoia.
Constantly buzzing in my ear.
I cover my face
Lying, telling
myself it's not there.
If I can't see it,
it can't see me, right?
Please.
Don't hurt me.
Don't take from me my only source of sanity.
Looking back,
I can't go through that cycle again.
All of my scars.
I don't see a place for another one.
Hesitance,
takes on an everlasting duel with my instinct
of taking a chance.
That small,
but intelligent,
part of me says, stop.
Run,
Hide,
while you still can.
Wait this one out.
But I'd have to hurt you.
I'd have to hurt you by hurting myself.
Either way i'm *******.
Just for you.
I'll take this chance.
Might I be so bold,
as to say I might love you.
What do I do? =/
Dec 2010 · 2.4k
Nervous System
Shay Garner Dec 2010
Nervous streaks
Pierce me straight through my very existence.
I'm in shatters.
Frightened.
The signs point to a good day.
This process,
No stranger to me,
Causes me and agonizing anticipation.
This process,
A known danger to me,
I can't let this slip.
In my thoughts,
These explosions are minuscule.
Calm down,
You jumpy cells
This might be alright.
Dec 2010 · 668
melancholy
Shay Garner Dec 2010
i'm not afraid to sink into the depths again
the foggy deceiving depths of affection
under whatever circumstances i land
i am reassured that it will be a better land than my current
the black current is ever pulling me
it attempts to persuade me
to take the easy route
to **** me into a routine point of no return
i'm screaming out
protest
it'll never get me
dedicate yourself all you want beast
through it all
i'm a person
i am my own
i am forever becoming stronger
feet are both in bear traps
i ain't going anywhere
sure
i hope you're not a disappointment
i hope you can take it
the hand won't change its pace
if all doesn't fall through
would it be that bad to
fall for you?
because i may have already started…
come rescue me from
this melancholy cloudy night
that occurs each and every day
Dec 2010 · 602
Heart's Tears
Shay Garner Dec 2010
even the inevitable yearning for us,
the north and the south pole,
to recover whats lucid;
whats been left just for me,
leaving your share behind for this
world without my love.
shrapnel of your wasted time and love burrows
deep into my reason to continue
on this unforgiving track of meaning and purpose.
Hopes and encouragements melt
into the crimson puddle of my hearts tears
Dec 2010 · 669
pristine waste
Shay Garner Dec 2010
oblivious as time races by me
i'm still rooted to the same old spot
as i was in my childhood
time strains these roots

oh how i cried
why'd i waste those tears?

theres probably not a trace
of mascara on her eyes
no
that was another life
another time

these old pictures of mine
they begin to look a little like paradise
can i make it?
i don't want to change
take me back to those pristine fields
i would take a little more time to lay in them
the currents of the society
constantly pulling at each of my limbs

nothing will always be there for me
nothing
even the sky changes
how do i escape?
there has to be more than this
what a waste
Dec 2010 · 723
(Don't) Leave Me Alone
Shay Garner Dec 2010
I know you’re thinking it too
The unspeakable
We’re gonna make it together boy
We’re gonna make it
I miss you with all my heart
Last time I fell this hard
And this fast
It ended in a mistake
Afraid
But I have nothing left to lose
And I’m not going to make that common fallacy
Leave past experiences out of this
So I’m going to make that plunge
I really like you
How you would subtly touch me
In passing
The wonderful shivers it sent up my spine
The way you kissed me
Hard
I wasn’t expecting that
Your hands running up and down my back
Heaven
When I see you again…
My heart will skip a beat
And my smile
Will be outta my control
I’m going to stick with you
You’re the best I’ve ever had

And for you…
Don’t trying to be my friend
I’m trying to forget you
I’m trying to move on
It hurts to be with you
Knowing we’ll never make it together
I’m so close to being past you
And no
I don’t want to talk about it
I can’t take any you say to heart
Not after that ****
Please stop talking to me…
Just leave me alone
Like you were once so eager to do
You don’t even like me
This is about two different people, if that wasn't clear. :)
Nov 2010 · 679
what i don't want
Shay Garner Nov 2010
you're something different
in every single cell of your existence
we click a little better
than me and him did
i need you to repair
my cracked,
but not broken,
heart
but i'm afraid
sometimes i think i'm meant to be a
lone ranger for all my life
don't let me fall
like so many have
i don't want to trust you
i don't want to trust you at all
i don't want to regret falling for you
theres competition
and i have a handicapped
being gone for these painful periods of time
...could you do it?
you asked for no chase
then i won't give you one
i just want to make you happy
you say your hearts destroyed
i promise i could fix that
no problem
just don't give me a hard time
i'll just have to give you a try
and brace myself
i
can't
trust
anymore
What I want to tell him. Plain and simple.
Shay Garner Nov 2010
i'm living proof that 11:11
shooting stars,
four-leafed clovers,
are just little strands of hope
which one clings to
and when they climb
they realize it wasn't substantial
because hope doesn't change a thing
and they
fall
it's so sad how most people
are forced to suffer
just because of societies ****** up view
on the littlest things
which deep down
don't matter in the least bit
the world is overpopulated
so enlighten me
why all the lonely people?
i stared
got lost in this view
of this seemingly endless pathway
that led uphill
and i could see past the hill
beyond it was brighter a place than i've ever encountered
will i ever reach that place?
when i was there
i wanted to go and see
but my friends held me back
why…?
i'm a lone ranger these days
maybe i'm always meant to be
maybe the land past the path is gone
could be my past…
would it be stupid if i cut off all connection with you?
severed all those barbed wires connecting
these aching pains between you and me
and you would skip across my mind
the fleeting image of you
and what we could've had
will come and go
i'll picture you
regretting these decisions you've made
the respect you've lost
digging through your room
discovering that the light that we said would never stop blinking,
the symbol of our love,
will never illuminate your shattering skin
till those united spirits we left behind
embrace
Shay Garner Nov 2010
i wish my troubles
could float off in the bubbles
but nope
they're staying here
all around my feet
i don't see them
but i trip over them constantly
i'm not ready for maturity
it's coming at me
with the speed of light
put up my one and only shield against it
it's not yielding
it won't slow down for me
i guess you could say
i haven't graduated childhood
i'm not scared
i can take the future and whatever it brings my way
but i can't let go
of the things i haven't experienced
concentration fades
the kids story books remind me of a better time
it just hit me today
that it only happens once
and quickly too…
i don't want anymore school books
i don't want to have this hurt
that i didn't find in the good ol' days
i'm sick and tired of worrying about who i am
i don't want to rely on artificial highs to get me by
i don't want to have to steal just to feel the thrill
one day this'll all catch up to me…
and i'll feel true regret
for the first time
hows that for growing up?
take me back
to that first day
when i almost killed my mother
take me back
and let me relive
every
single
day
maybe not to change anything…
just because i miss you,
my dear past
hurts more then every pain
that has occurred in my life
when i realize
i can never turn back the hands of time
peter pan take me away
an incomplete childhood
is what anchors me down
the current continues to nag at me
it'll never give up the fight
and it
will
win…
Nov 2010 · 1.9k
Facade
Shay Garner Nov 2010
wish i could tell you i told you so,
but i didn't.
with each comforting heartbeat,
the only portion of life that's always there for me
we can only leave together.
the edge of my eyesight would blur,
peripherals no longer
i find it preferable that way,
and i saw those stars
which i love but am confused by.
you are one of those stars.
i think i despise you.
you once appeared so paranormal
divine.
now that facade of a goddess
has shattered
and the fresh shards
piercing deep into your innocent flesh and own self
and mine
change how we view one another.
driven by desperation
you've sunk into the deepest
and darkest scale of your unexplored options
now where are you?
inside the remains of that disintegrated facade,
that facade of strength and perfection.
now i see you as i should've from the start.
raindrops of pure lust and stupidity
pour from those clouds of truth and true self
that you rely on so heavily
to conceal and avoid.
however,
once upon a time
did you have such tainted depths?
or was you inner self identical
to your once intact facade
or did your weakness of the moment
allow her to inject you
with her own spreading mixture of
corrupt promise and ruin?
what have you gotten yourself into girl?
should have floated away with me
to the 4th dimension
into a brighter place with genuine promises
where i could have protected you
from your very own unexpected demons
Nov 2010 · 799
Raspberries
Shay Garner Nov 2010
I put on my extra layer of skin
to ward off distractions and annoyances.
I want to be completely alone.
Look for the familiar flash of red.
Know that I've found what I seek.
Yet another thorn punctures my skin.
Won't even register the pain.
Nothing can divert my attention from the task at hand.
At the end, so much red.
All collected in one little area.
Nov 2010 · 523
Grey Shards Of Hope
Shay Garner Nov 2010
I still yearn for your supernatural touch
Yearn for you to whisper in my ear
You're the only one I want to hear the three words from
Want your embrace
My very own thick coat of utopia
Which only you could put upon my body
Natural selection,
Love matching,
Someone to say we are the ideal couple,
I don't need any of that.
The music, the beats, the lyrics
that remind me of you.
its so beautiful.
I need a word that sums up my feelings for you
My feelings, thoughts, troubles,
written upon paper,
may not be as beautiful as yours,
believe me,
i mean what pours onto this page.
I’ve spent lifetimes in one Sunday night
with you.
that day i tried to reconnect with you.
i couldve sworn,
the breath left my body
as one last shard of hope punctured my body.
that shard split into millions of pieces
slowly destroying my very being
not beyond repair
thats where you come in
pray to whatever god exists anymore
that those thoughts you put on display
was really a message
to me

I dreamed of him. He didn't see me at all.
Nov 2010 · 728
Kill me now, Karma
Shay Garner Nov 2010
the intense concentration
all things hushed
our mouths
yearning to be connected forever
our tongues intertwined
i'm on the floor
your hands on either side of me
we learn
after falling so quickly for one another
every little detail about each other
i want to learn everything about you
every once in a while
i'd get scared,
nervous,
and i'd break it off
but you would just press your lips to mine
once again
and i let you
i don't care
i'm your little doll
i'd **** for that kiss again
i fear that the taste of you
will be tainted
with the tears of the heart that's to be broken
i'll be poisoned with the guilt
and lose my appetite for
the taste of you
never able to enjoy it as i once did
forever
my blood will be tinted with the regret
sadness
guilt
and a shard of the broken heart
will forever circulate in my veins
piercing me as it travels through my very existence
contaminate me
poison me
i have the sense of wrong and right
i have yet to access it
**** me now karma

— The End —