During my childhood I was badly abused
and as I grew older, I became the accused.

The beating I took came straight from dad,
who used every obstacle to beat me so bad.

That tears that I've shed were because of fear,
that kick that I took it deafened my ear.

Doing hard labor at the age of nine
keeping the torment in the back of my mind.

Eventually I became this child of steel
hard as a rock, with no tender feel.

I became immune to the blows to my head
of  the tips of my welts that slightly bled.

The pain, it faded and my mind grew weak,
but as my body grew stronger, I became this freak.

He said he'll teach me from wrong to right,
but my rage grew stronger, so I stood to  fight.

He kicked down my door, I stood to my feet
he sensed the difference as our eyes finally meet.

I held no fear by the stare of my eyes
I was no longer afraid, but wanted him to die.

Speechless we stood as my fist starts to flinch
while he drew closer, I never winched,

His first blow landed forcefully on my eye
I shook it off and said, "It's your turn to cry".

We fought like caged animals, He fell ******* the floor
I spat in his face and said, "NO MORE!".

After that night no two words were said,
walking to the beach with conflicting thoughts in my head.

Like: What did I do?, but yet felt at ease
I was happy to see him begging me please.
Was it the right thing for me to attack?
For the beatings to stop so he won't hit me back?
It must be the way for him to leave me alone.
I saw the fear in his eyes that had once been my own.

As I grew older it lingered in my mind
the memories I harbored never stayed behind.

I figured, "I'll be respected if I fight my way through, because I've powered over my dad and I can power over you".

I never started trouble, but if it came my way
I'd fight to destroy with nothing to say.

The littlest thing you do can get me mad
who knows what will happen as you fade into dad.

My past still haunts me after all these years
it brings me power and hides my fears.

When I get into rage I can no longer see,
but I know you're my dad who stands in front of me.

I'll give all I've got till the damage is done
once again my past has won.

I've abused so many loved ones or not,
but I never cared and I never stopped.

It took that one night when he yelled it at me,
"The Devils in your eyes, Oh GOD please help me!".

The fear that I saw, it made my heart burn
I wanted to run, but no where to turn.

I looked deep in her eyes and I saw myself there
she was badly bruised, just shaking with fear.

Now I'm in prison and paying my dues
for the damages I've caused with scared black & blues.

The memories continue to haunt me today
I want it to stop, please GOD take it away

Before I met you,
I thought I was happy,
and I was,
but I had never known
the rich contentment,
deep satisfaction,
and total fulfillment
you brought to me
when you came into my life.
Before I met you,
I felt a lot of things,
good things,
but I had never experienced
the indescribably intense
feelings I have for you.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew myself,
and I did,
but you looked deep inside me
and found fresh new things
for us to share.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew about love,
but I didn’t,
until I met you.

You should know, bullying hurts.
It starts with one word, one word you blurt.
Fat, ugly, worthless. These are the words they hear.
Did you know, you're their biggest fear?

Day by day you torment them,
it takes so long for their hearts to mend.
All they ask for is one true friend,
but you make them want their lives to end.

Everyday they wake up with regret,
all they want to do is forget.
It's not just hitting and punching, it's the words you say,
they hurt so much, they want to fade away.

This is when enough is enough,
they're sick of playing strong, sick of playing tough.
But they know they can make it through,
you may not have known, but they always knew.

They put on a fake smile and pretend they're okay,
they believe they can make it all the way.
Of course your words still offend,
but they have been pieced back together again.

Someone leaves the crowd and lends them a hand,
they learn that it's time to stand.
Their smile is no longer fake,
now they have no reason to ache.

You see, all they ever needed was a friend,
someone to stand by them when the bullying came again.
Now they are free,
the insults barely sting, don't you see?

The bully is never wanted, unless wanted to leave,
The person you bullied now has no need for long sleeves.
Your work here is done, not that it should of started,
now who's the one who feels broken hearted?

Bullying gave you power, that they refused to give,
you can't help but wonder 'what if'.
What if they didn't get so strong?
What if they were crumbled all along?

What you don't think of, is what could of been,
what if they pulled the razor to their skin?
What if you pushed them too far,
to where they tied a rope around their collar.

What if they wrote down all the secrets they had to spill,
right before taking an overdose on the pills?
You don't know what could of been done,
you were doing it all for fun.

You think they're losers, but they're stronger than you,
have you seen what they've been through?
With your words you gave a black eye,
they are leaving, bully, so say your goodbye.

But one more thing before you go,
did you enjoy my little show?
Remember, words can hurt more than the punch,
Believe me now? Cause this was just a hunch.

Iv never had a taste in my mouth so bitter
Your kiss means nothing,cause u were barely there.
I see in those eyes hidden story
Of lust and betrayal
I'm scared to turn the page
What chapter will come next?

Do You Know


Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain,
living a life with nothing to gain,
Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame.
A life without peace with no one to blame.

Do you know of a place unseen,
A place that holds only shattered dreams,
A place filled with sorrow with no end in sight,
I am given this gift each and every night.

Do you know of a place so cold,
This is the place I call my soul,
A place without hope or comforting dreams,
A life not worth living wouldn't it seem.

Do you know of a life that should have never been,
And the feeling that today this life has to end.
One more day of sadness is much too hard to bear,
I am tired of living a life of heartache and despair.

Do you know a person with so much pain inside,
Or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries,
Maybe when the tears are gone and I can clearly see,
The only question left will be...

DO YOU KNOW ME

everything is fiction. When you tell yourself the story of your life, the story of your day, you edit and rewrite and weave a narrative out of a collection of random experiences and events.          
Your conversations are fiction.
Your friends and loved ones—they are characters you have created.
And your arguments with them are like meetings with an editor—please, they beseech you, you beseech them, rewrite me.

You have a perception of the way things are, and you impose it on your memory, and in this way you think, in the same way that I think, that you are living something that is describable
.
When of course, what we actually live, what we actually experience—with our senses and our nerves—is a vast, absurd, beautiful, ridiculous chaos.

There was sweat on my brow,
beads of them as I approached him.

I was a young man, still green.

he was a mature man
like the long blades grow free
in the lush of nature.

My hand in his
he took me
into his warmth.

Nervous, shy
you could hear
grass grow

in the quiet
of my fear

in the silence
of my lust.

I knew nothing.

As we rolled in the dew of ***
as I fumbled and groped,

in some instinctive wisdom
entrusted myself fully to him.

he  set our bodies in a fluid motion
my virginity now neatly cut.

We spent days
as I explored
the fresh sweet air
of 'us'.

It was then I became a human.

Learned
how you hold a flower
how you manicure the stem
how you water the soil
how you delicately hold the petals.

It was then I became a gardener.

A gardener
worthy
to tend a garden
so vital.

It was then I learned how to love

I have one too many personalities,
I don't know which one is really me,
So if I'm nice at first, and then I'm mean,
You just met Sally, and then met Steve.

Yes, it's strange, but don't be alarmed,
Steve and Sally cause no harm,
Neither does Sarah, or Sammy, or Stu,
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.

Be cautious around us,
The villains I named,
You won't know who's who,
We all look the same.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/if-four-is-a-party-this-is-a-parade

Day by day I think of you,
How can all of this be true?
I can't believe you're really gone,
I still can't accept it,
Even after so long.
Just the thought of you makes me cry,
I never even got the chance to say goodbye.
Every picture, every letter,
I don't know if it will ever get better.
I always smell your familiar scent,
It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.
I know we didn't always get along,
And every time we talked, it would always go wrong.
So many things I never got to say,
I never imagined you'd ever be so far away.
You were my brother,
And I loved you like no other.
In my heart you'll always be,
You'll be my guide and help me see.
I'll never forget your soothing voice,
I would take your place if I had a choice.
But now I have to let you rest,
Although without you my world's a mess.
I miss you with all of my heart,
I wish we never had to part.
I know you're always by my side,
So now I guess this is my goodbye

Here’s to all the negative people
You know how the story goes
If brains were freakin’ dynamite
You couldn’t blow your nose
When people make rude comments
They act without common sense
If you’re negative and reading this
I hope you take offense
When I hear about my friends put down
Every bone in my body cries
If you rub yourself with Preparation H
You’ll probably shrink in size
So if this makes you  pout and cry
I didn’t mean to put you down
Besides someone already wrote a song
About the tears of a clown
I’ve changed my ways in recent days
And try to act with class
If I had run into you twenty years ago
You would have been laying on your @ss
So take your sarcasm somewhere else
And leave our poets alone
And try to find your self-esteem
In a place called the twilight zone.

If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.

If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.

One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.

Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.

And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...

The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.

Your Sun more glorious than mine,
Shine better & brighter than all,
Your Sun is fool's gold,
Nay don't you see?

You, a phony, a traitorous serpent,
Steal thunder from under innocent feet,
Feign, oh, feign
My darling friend

You slaughter my heart,
Armored with a thorn-encrusted blade,
Slash, slash away
I, a fading memory,
You, the warring tyrant.

You stole my hope,
You slaughtered my faith,
You trampled my life,
Oh, despise your shame!

I am not beaten,
I am cast away.
I am who I am.

If I keep crying
The world might flood
Take comfort in the little things
The ones that keep me sane
Now that u are gone
There is no one to blame
For these permanent scars invisible to the naked eye
These scares that need stitching
Waveged welts, dark bruises
Crusting over,thick as rue
I had the knife in my palms,now you have it in your back
Who did it,not the defenseless guy,who would believe that?
U won the battle but I won the war
Now that I'm free
There are no strings on me
So these scares are not  sewn
But they give way to a new start
One with out tears and a broken heart
No more crying
This world is broken enough

I have seen women lifted by love,
Countless women surrounded, fed, embraced by love,
But most recently I have met a woman condemned by love,
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
The pain from love is visible in the eyes, heart, and soul of this woman.
She who lives for love, who would die for love.
Curiosity forces me to look deep into her.

Big brown eyes tell of a man whose love was taken away as quickly as was given.
A selfish man whose compassion drowned in these eyes.
Taking advantage of the faith and forgiveness she possesses.
Tears roll down her cheeks and begin to drip from her delicate chin.
As sympathy overwhelms me, I invite myself in for a better look.

A bleeding heart welcomes me to the truth behind this love.
What once was bliss has transformed.
The love that filled now forces her to starve,
An endless hunger that consumes, leaving nothing for this woman.
This man has stripped her of all that she loved, including himself.
He has laughed at her sorrow and found comfort in her misery.
My heart breaks for her as she opens up to let me in.

One foot after the other I step into her soul.
My thoughts echo as I begin to connect with her sorrows.
"Stop," catches her attention as I start to reason with her.
"Do not give yourself to this man."
Confusion fills her as she wakes to catch my gaze.
"If your love/your life mean so little to you that you can just give it away, why should it mean any more to him?"
I hear these words and reality sets in.

I have met this woman in love,
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
I have seen into her eyes, felt her heartache, and visited her soul.
This muse whose sorrow connects so genuinely with mine... is ME!
I have given my life to a man who has never asked nor has he ever cared for it.
I have believed and made true all lies.
I have accepted inferiority, for how can he value me more than I value myself?

There is no word, no label, no identifying moniker,
I am not a widower, not an orphan, not childless,
But one child less.
One less open laugh and little boy giggle,
One less challenging open smile
One less artful, winking manipulation,
One less word of comfort, one less grateful hug.
One less chance to embrace a loved one
One less new life to carry your eyes, your chin, your grin, your name,
No one word for the pain, the longing, the brevity
Of a life meant for living; an old soul meant to grow older than mine;
Would there be any one price too high, any sacrifice too great,
For one more moment, one more breath, one more warm touch;
I grasp desperately and sense the closeness -
the ONE just at the fingertips of my heart and mind,
Only to realize again and again and again,
There is no "One" - you are gone and I am - less

Hello you happy little pill
A smile, a laugh, a cold dark chill
When tragedy struck you were given to me
To ease the pain, to enhance the glee

Take two a day the bottle says
Not any more or any less
To change my mood, brighten my day
To undo the thoughts of a once dark way

I remember when before this drug
My pain reliever came in a jug.....(40 proof)
The thoughts of darkness came and went
My days and nights were drunken spent

So for those who wish for a better way
And can't seem to face another day
Ask for help, you'll feel better still
From this happy, helpful little pill

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/zoloft

He speaks of sunken treasures the way no other man
The map of his essence is drawn in the stars
His smile of gold ride out the waves
The moon is pulled by the prestige of his masculine art
With great pleasure, your heart now sits in a glass case

His love lavishes making every moment memorable
This gentleman cultivates you from every direction
Your blood rises to his flirtatious ego
His eyes, manipulate you, invade every dream,
Endless lust, pulled by the enigma of dragon dust wind
Falling flowers of forgetfulness, when lost in his touch
He endures, he breathes in ways you can't resist

Uttered words easily wrap around your heart
In a game of trust, his lips persuade another kiss
Like a syndrome, you babble and drool ---- stepping all over yourself
You are naught more than a fool in love,
Trusting , believing every golden word spoken from his lip
you are lost in an undeniable bliss
he endures, he breathes in ways you cant resist

How long did it take her to be free?

How long did it take
For the wingless dragonfly to finally open her heart to the world

How long did it take for her to overcome Devil’s workshop
Slowly caressing her retinas
With silky daffodils and two-faced tulips

Where
Now
She dives into a glistening pool of complicated risk
Opening her atrium to the masses

Shedding incumbent teardrops
Just for that one standing ovation
That sets her free

It was then
Where pieces of plastic chains fell from demure stratosphere

Dented taps, similar to a shoeless dancer,
Setting off bass tones and low-key monotony

For she was
One cholesterol filled syllable short
To be genuine

One tearful, hyphenated lyric
Too blunt
To be embraced by their “god”

One dilapidated vowel shy
Of being honest

Her diary didn’t have enough pages torn
From emerald sanity

There were too many “Wows”,
Diluting into disingenuous shoulder pats

Her stanza pushed aside

A glorified ******* with no call back number
Leaving messages towards empty dial tones

…

How long will it take her to be free?

Until she looks up
Knowing she already holds the key

Don't live in fear of what you don't understand
you never know it might tear u apart
Listening to that small insignificant voice in your head
Might get you  killed or worse...incapable of loving.
Loving anyone who ventures to close.
The sun stops shining in hopes of your return
The moon weeps a pool of ivory
And yet there is still the voice inside your head
Here is your heart
The voices have the dart
Conflicted boy
Crying in pain
No one hears you
The voices in vain
What was left of you is locked behind these  walls
Tormented and worthless
The voices want you dead
Why live through the hell
That's inside your head?
crying for just a glimpse of what could have been
they want your soul
they want sweet sin
conflicted boy
crying in pain
no one fears you
yet no one stares
it doesn't hate
yet it doesn't care
it wants you dead
why live through the hell
inside your head?......

When you look at me
I am someone different
I let my walls down
And I wish like on birthday candles
You would stay with me
Cause I don't want to eat my cske alone

beat of drums, a song of solitude.
A deep and timid red, so softly hued.
Majestic beauty, truth is deep like night.
I come to play, if playing king is right.
A love is tempting, lust is just a game.
I steal a kiss as fears do turn from shame.
A sigh, a tie, I twist in pleasures sting.
I close my eyes, it's worth remembering.
A song of ***, a dance, I need to hear.
The sound of rushing, breathing, near my ear.
I tie a rope around a willing wrist.
A tie so red it makes the roses twist.
A puppet, pawn, my game is chess, I win.
A check, my mate, be ready to begin.
I feast on pain and pleasure, giving more.
Enjoy the time behind the dark red door.