There is no word, no label, no identifying moniker,
I am not a widower, not an orphan, not childless,
But one child less.
One less open laugh and little boy giggle,
One less challenging open smile
One less artful, winking manipulation,
One less word of comfort, one less grateful hug.
One less chance to embrace a loved one
One less new life to carry your eyes, your chin, your grin, your name,
No one word for the pain, the longing, the brevity
Of a life meant for living; an old soul meant to grow older than mine;
Would there be any one price too high, any sacrifice too great,
For one more moment, one more breath, one more warm touch;
I grasp desperately and sense the closeness -
the ONE just at the fingertips of my heart and mind,
Only to realize again and again and again,
There is no "One" - you are gone and I am - less

Day by day I think of you,
How can all of this be true?
I can't believe you're really gone,
I still can't accept it,
Even after so long.
Just the thought of you makes me cry,
I never even got the chance to say goodbye.
Every picture, every letter,
I don't know if it will ever get better.
I always smell your familiar scent,
It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.
I know we didn't always get along,
And every time we talked, it would always go wrong.
So many things I never got to say,
I never imagined you'd ever be so far away.
You were my brother,
And I loved you like no other.
In my heart you'll always be,
You'll be my guide and help me see.
I'll never forget your soothing voice,
I would take your place if I had a choice.
But now I have to let you rest,
Although without you my world's a mess.
I miss you with all of my heart,
I wish we never had to part.
I know you're always by my side,
So now I guess this is my goodbye

How long did it take her to be free?

How long did it take
For the wingless dragonfly to finally open her heart to the world

How long did it take for her to overcome Devil’s workshop
Slowly caressing her retinas
With silky daffodils and two-faced tulips

Where
Now
She dives into a glistening pool of complicated risk
Opening her atrium to the masses

Shedding incumbent teardrops
Just for that one standing ovation
That sets her free

It was then
Where pieces of plastic chains fell from demure stratosphere

Dented taps, similar to a shoeless dancer,
Setting off bass tones and low-key monotony

For she was
One cholesterol filled syllable short
To be genuine

One tearful, hyphenated lyric
Too blunt
To be embraced by their “god”

One dilapidated vowel shy
Of being honest

Her diary didn’t have enough pages torn
From emerald sanity

There were too many “Wows”,
Diluting into disingenuous shoulder pats

Her stanza pushed aside

A glorified ******* with no call back number
Leaving messages towards empty dial tones

…

How long will it take her to be free?

Until she looks up
Knowing she already holds the key

There was sweat on my brow,
beads of them as I approached him.

I was a young man, still green.

he was a mature man
like the long blades grow free
in the lush of nature.

My hand in his
he took me
into his warmth.

Nervous, shy
you could hear
grass grow

in the quiet
of my fear

in the silence
of my lust.

I knew nothing.

As we rolled in the dew of ***
as I fumbled and groped,

in some instinctive wisdom
entrusted myself fully to him.

he  set our bodies in a fluid motion
my virginity now neatly cut.

We spent days
as I explored
the fresh sweet air
of 'us'.

It was then I became a human.

Learned
how you hold a flower
how you manicure the stem
how you water the soil
how you delicately hold the petals.

It was then I became a gardener.

A gardener
worthy
to tend a garden
so vital.

It was then I learned how to love

Before I met you,
I thought I was happy,
and I was,
but I had never known
the rich contentment,
deep satisfaction,
and total fulfillment
you brought to me
when you came into my life.
Before I met you,
I felt a lot of things,
good things,
but I had never experienced
the indescribably intense
feelings I have for you.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew myself,
and I did,
but you looked deep inside me
and found fresh new things
for us to share.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew about love,
but I didn’t,
until I met you.

During my childhood I was badly abused
and as I grew older, I became the accused.

The beating I took came straight from dad,
who used every obstacle to beat me so bad.

That tears that I've shed were because of fear,
that kick that I took it deafened my ear.

Doing hard labor at the age of nine
keeping the torment in the back of my mind.

Eventually I became this child of steel
hard as a rock, with no tender feel.

I became immune to the blows to my head
of  the tips of my welts that slightly bled.

The pain, it faded and my mind grew weak,
but as my body grew stronger, I became this freak.

He said he'll teach me from wrong to right,
but my rage grew stronger, so I stood to  fight.

He kicked down my door, I stood to my feet
he sensed the difference as our eyes finally meet.

I held no fear by the stare of my eyes
I was no longer afraid, but wanted him to die.

Speechless we stood as my fist starts to flinch
while he drew closer, I never winched,

His first blow landed forcefully on my eye
I shook it off and said, "It's your turn to cry".

We fought like caged animals, He fell ******* the floor
I spat in his face and said, "NO MORE!".

After that night no two words were said,
walking to the beach with conflicting thoughts in my head.

Like: What did I do?, but yet felt at ease
I was happy to see him begging me please.
Was it the right thing for me to attack?
For the beatings to stop so he won't hit me back?
It must be the way for him to leave me alone.
I saw the fear in his eyes that had once been my own.

As I grew older it lingered in my mind
the memories I harbored never stayed behind.

I figured, "I'll be respected if I fight my way through, because I've powered over my dad and I can power over you".

I never started trouble, but if it came my way
I'd fight to destroy with nothing to say.

The littlest thing you do can get me mad
who knows what will happen as you fade into dad.

My past still haunts me after all these years
it brings me power and hides my fears.

When I get into rage I can no longer see,
but I know you're my dad who stands in front of me.

I'll give all I've got till the damage is done
once again my past has won.

I've abused so many loved ones or not,
but I never cared and I never stopped.

It took that one night when he yelled it at me,
"The Devils in your eyes, Oh GOD please help me!".

The fear that I saw, it made my heart burn
I wanted to run, but no where to turn.

I looked deep in her eyes and I saw myself there
she was badly bruised, just shaking with fear.

Now I'm in prison and paying my dues
for the damages I've caused with scared black & blues.

The memories continue to haunt me today
I want it to stop, please GOD take it away

beat of drums, a song of solitude.
A deep and timid red, so softly hued.
Majestic beauty, truth is deep like night.
I come to play, if playing king is right.
A love is tempting, lust is just a game.
I steal a kiss as fears do turn from shame.
A sigh, a tie, I twist in pleasures sting.
I close my eyes, it's worth remembering.
A song of ***, a dance, I need to hear.
The sound of rushing, breathing, near my ear.
I tie a rope around a willing wrist.
A tie so red it makes the roses twist.
A puppet, pawn, my game is chess, I win.
A check, my mate, be ready to begin.
I feast on pain and pleasure, giving more.
Enjoy the time behind the dark red door.