I am not simple
But I am quite ordinary
You can open me and read me like a novel
Reading between the lines was never hard for you
But you will not learn everything
You will not understand
You will not remember it
Because even I do not
Just know that I am typical
And you'll get on just fine

I wrote a poem once
To a boy whole stole my heart
And he stole my work
But at least I know he liked it

Why do girls gossip?
What's the appeal?
Why do they hate?
They know everyone feels

Why do girls complain?
About the stupidest things?
They hold petty grudges
About wishes and dreams

But you can't wish for gold
And get it the next day
You have to work hard
Just to go that way

She didn't steal your opportunity
You never took it, you see
You can't wish for gold
Or call dibs on things

It's stupid and embarrassing
I can't be near you
Not when you say things
That are obviously untrue

Why do you gossip?
About people better than you?
Get your own life, girl
You'll have something better to do

Bright white snow
Is useful as padding
In immature wars
Where we all think we got 'em

Bright white snow
Can soak up stray tears
From harsh windy airs
That cause many fears

Bright white snow
Burns my eyes
I love the sight
Of it's blizzardy miles

Bright white snow
Is beautiful in comparison
To your cruel
Harsh
Vile
Mouth

I'd choose my childhood over you any day

From the inside out she burns
Tic toc tic
And crack
It's done
As finished as she was
When she lit the *match

Oh the sound of a wintry crash
Killing three in its way
Slippery roads and a yarn-made rash
Why did I wake up today?

Hear the sounds of the tires squealing
The sounds of screams in the wind
Feel as nature takes its killing
Destroying all that you've been

They were fat ugly tears
Streaming down my face
Messing up my makeup
Scarring my embrace
On the reality that exists
Inside my head
A dark and gloomy place
Filled with blood and gore and death
I liked it there, it was comfy
But it was ripped away from me
When the boy saw the tears
And crumbled to his knees
He never should've known
It should've never met his sight
But now he's gone forever
With nothing but that night
Strapped to his mind
And controlling all he knew
He thought that he had known me
But I made one wrong move

Sorry I forgot to try
Sorry it was all on me
I assumed you could handle the truth
That you could survive without my love
I thought all of you could
What were you thinking?
Falling for me?
I warned you long before
I wasn't in it for love
I was in it to try
But you didn't even have to try just to fall
I'm not as great as you think
You say you love me and fear to lose me
You claim you want to wake up beside me
But what if I cried in front of you
If my entire face scrunched and twisted in pain
How would you handle that?
I dare you to lie
Because that's the only way you can answer without getting my rage
I dare you to think you know me
I dare you to assume that I'm just complex when really
I'm the most simple thing you'll ever meet
You're just not honest enough to get past the first wall
Sorry, I forgot you "tried"

I once talked to this person
A long time ago
I found something deep inside of him
I found myself a home

I wish that I could tell him
All that he told me
I want to throw it in his face
To hurt him, don't you see?

I want to be mysterious
Like he claimed he was
I want to have the last word
I want it, just because

Because he always gets the last say
His word always counts
My word tastes like ****
Just coming out of my mouth

It isn't fair, I love him
That's what I think at least
I try to tell myself it's not real
That I don't care what he thinks

But I spill everything before him
Just as he walks away
He ignores all of the signs
Because it doesn't matter what I say

You treat me like I'm fragile
Ignore me like contagious
Make up your mind, you dimwitted one
Is your head really that spacious?
Do I sound like a joke to you?
Because that is how you act
I'd say it hurts but I'm just offended
I'd much prefer a slap
Of course I'm over-exaggerating
Of course you say you're sorry
I really don't believe you, babe
That doesn't cut it, darling
You should seriously think about your words
Don't throw that attitude around
You call me fat, you call me names
You'd rather I not weigh a pound?
I'm seriously not caring
About all of your crap
You could fall off of a cliff
And that would be that
So do what you wish
Just don't involve me
Have a nice life
Pack your **** and leave

Let's get this straight
I'm not a toy
I'm the girl
You're the boy
We work together as a team
Not you by yourself
You and me
I've gone through this
Too many times
I refuse to take
Anymore lies
So man the **** up
And grow some *****
Maybe the bigger you are
The harder you'll fall
In love with me
With the slight chance that exists
We will be fine
If you don't know that yet

Don't push me away
Don't drag me too close
Don't force me to watch
As you overdose
On a love that isn't yours
From someone who is
Who gives it all away
And you know this
You try to convince me
That I have a chance
I don't even want one
I just simply glanced
At you and you smiled
Like never before
Who are you even?
You make living a chore

A gentle hand
A sweaty palm
Trying hard
Just to keep calm
Hold my hair
As I cry
Hug me tight
Say goodbye
You leave me quickly
You slimy swift bug
You ****** my heart
And I cannot get enough

She cried and she bawled
She lied and she crawled
Quickly through the fire
Thinking it wouldn't burn at all

I'm sorry if my smile isn't always wide or goofy
Or if I look at you too much for you to comprehend
I'm sorry if I'm sad while near you
But it's because my jealousy has no end

You talk to all girls
The same way you talk to me
You squat down to our size
Almost falling on your knees

You stick out your tongue
You tickle our sides
You ruffle our hair
It brings tears to my eyes

I want you so bad
But can never be yours
I wish I was happy
Not wanting more

But you make my heart pound
You make me weak in the knees
You make me blush
I wish-oh please

I wish for some strength
To confess how I feel
I wish for your eyes to see me
So I know that you're real

You're so imperfect I love it
I'd have you no other way
But you cannot be mine
No; not today

My words are too quiet
My voice is too soft
Yet I get offended
When people don't get along
With my stinging words
And my ****** mouth
I'd tell you how I feel about this
Yet I don't know how
Not without violence
Not without offense
Not without insult
It just makes no sense
So I try not to talk
And you always feel lonely
For with my lack of words
Come fingers so boney
Gripping your jacket
Or smashing your heart
I write this poem
It's my only good art
It's just for you
But you'll never know
I'll make sure of this stranger
So you can let go

My eyes weep
Their salty tears
I'm grounded in place
By all of my fears
You hold up my chin
As though it will help
And my heart beats fast
I just want to yelp
With glee as I have
So many times in the past
My blood running fast
My heart like glass
Don't drop it I beg
With all of my might
Hold it steady so that I
Will live through the night
Do what you wish in the morning
I won't be human then
Throw it against the wall if you'd like
Just don't tell me when
You're about to do it
So it will hurt less
Smash it to pieces
Just put it to rest
From this beating whirlwind
This blush on repeat
This skip in my step
The occasional heat
That flares through me
At the sight of you
Your head held high
Like there's nothing you can't do
Because there isn't
We both know
There's even no reason
To just put on a show
Just being you
Attracts me  so
So **** me fast
But hold me close

I was asked to describe how much I hurt once
I don't really think there was a valid answer for that
Because all I can think about in my moment of pain
Is the pain

I'm not thinking that I've probably felt more pain in my life
I'm not thinking that I'll probably have worse
I'm not even fully comprehending the situation at that moment
Because all I can think about is the pain

The pain controls my existence for as long as it stays
Even if it dulls it will be all I can think about
All that I can't take my mind off of
All that exists to me

I'm not thinking about money
Or homework
Or another person's feelings
As I give into my pain

I let it control me, no matter how bad that idea itself is
I let it take over my actions
And my words
And I'll snap just to apologize later

If I say something I don't mean while in pain
How can I handle falling in love
Just to fall out of it?
I'm too young for this

I'm not ready for the responsibility of having to care for myself
I've been selfish, letting myself go
Thinking that there's always going to be something there to fall back on
There isn't

There actually never was

That's why I am the way I am today

First the left
And then the right
Jump a bit
Because your pants are tight

Take a deep breath
Then button it up
Push in the pockets
**** in your gut

Look at the clock
It's the same time as usual
Look through your shirts
That one's got a new hole

Hold up your bra to the light
And study it close
It looks a bit worn
But eh, it ain't gross

Brush your hair harshly
There's no other way
For when it's that thick
You don't have all day

Now grab your bag fast
You didn't forget anything
Hold in your tears
It's just the same other day

You wish for adventure
You wish for a change
You wish for a dad
Who cares less for your grades

And more for your sanity
For he's seen how it's crushed
But he still acts the same
His demands still rushed

His patience run low
And his words all loud
His fist swinging so
Yet no damage is done

Except yes there is
As your days fly on by
It all hurts so much
That you can't even cry

Cause he'll hear you again
And still not really care
He'll call you a fake
Like your just someone there

Taking up space in his house
Not space in his heart
Ignoring your writing
Rolling his eyes at your art

It's so upsetting
That you're left simply to words
Words that aren't heard
But you still feel their curse

You linger so long
It's poison to your soul
And even hearing his voice
Is making you old

And tired of this life
That is no life at all
Just a day stuck on repeat
With you growing a bit more tall

Your skin may darken
And the bags under your eyes may sharpen
And your legs might get bigger
And your heart might get darker

But it's the same concept
That it's always been
It's still the same day
It's still the same pain

I never noticed the beauty that resides in the light until I made it dark and reached out to touch the fingers extended to help me
I then turned the lights back on and saw simply a mirror, a shattered one
One broken because of disgust and distrust
Because of hatred and tough times
And I realized that nobody was really there to see what went wrong and how
Except for me
And even I didn't like myself

I could've sworn that I had no idea what love felt like

Turns out I'd fallen in love with everybody

And didn't have the courage to see it

If you could see me right now
You would probably cry
You'd collapse to your knees
And cover your eyes

You'd shuffle in close
And ask yourself what went wrong
And try to remember
Where you've been all along

"It wasn't your fault"
I'd say "You've done nothing not right"
But even as you walk away
I cannot find a light

Not inside my head
Not inside these walls
I cannot see how I'm messed up
As I trip down the hall

So if you saw me now
You'd probably doubt yourself
Which means I'm glad you're good at staying away
So this feeling hits no one else

I've been told that I don't look depressed
That I'm too confident to have anxiety
But these aren't things that I immediately spill
The first thing I'm ever going to say to you isn't to not touch my shoulders due to bad memories
It's not going to be about how difficult it is to function without hurting some part of myself
I'm not going to throw my memories in your face the second we meet
And that's because it's hard to admit to myself, even
I don't think of myself as someone who's easily insulted and hard to understand
In my mind, I'm an open book that's filled with secrets if you're good at reading between the lines
You wouldn't know that I carry secrets that aren't even mine, that are burdened to rest upon me until the end of my days
You wouldn't assume that that smile disappears behind closed doors
It couldn't possibly be hard to figure out, yet I'm surprised if you do
Because the last person that carried the burdens of my life tried to **** herself
And I'll never recover from that
Because she wasn't the first that tried
And if I keep it up
I could be carrying another burden in no time
Which doesn't help with the fact that I just want to collapse on the floor in a heap of broken cries
I just want to rip my heart out of my chest so that it doesn't fill with pain at everything
I wish I wasn't so sensitive
I wish that the idea of being in a room full of people who don't even know my name wouldn't make me go into an attack
Because I could mess up
I always mess up
And I always get yelled at for it
I'll go into some sort of depressing state if someone pronounces my name wrong
Because I feel inferior to everyone
Because that's all I've ever been taught to feel
No matter how wrong it is
And I hope that my pain decreases over time
Hopefully faster than it is now
Because my chest still caves in, trying to support the tears that clog my throat and blind my eyes
A ringing fills my ears and a piece of me bends in a wrong direction, every single day
I need help

"Who do you think you are?"
Is one of the most over-used lines
"What do you think you're doing?"
Just get your own life

You don't have to try
And control what I do
You'll have more success
If you focus on you

So back the **** up
Don't look disappointed
I don't even know you
So you're just being annoying

Why do you frustrate me so
You're bothersome, really
Get out of my hair
You don't know what I'm feeling

******* you to hell
Why are you such a *****
I don't get your attitude
Just back off my ****

My stupidity eats me alive
For all of my sins I have no pride
I've done much worse than the average Joe
Quite a few things, and he'll never know

He asks again and again
And soon I hope there will be an end
That he'll realize I'm useless and quickly move on
He'll take a deep breath as he has all along

He'll finally taste freedom
In this cruel, small world
He'll relax his shoulders
His problems unfurled

And I'll sit here mourning
Yet somehow move on
From that taste of victory
That rests in his hugs

But a new he comes along
And he's more than I dreamed
I hope that my sins
Don't catch up with me

I want him to know that
I want this to work
It's been tragedy upon tragedy
And then so much worse

But he holds my hand
And rests his forehead on mine
He actually talks
Like everything's fine

So I'll smile for now
And breathe the bad out
I'll relax in his presence
And I'll slowly learn how

To love once again
More than a friend
To hold a hand
And not feel regret

You're such an ***
I hate your ego
I love your smile
I think you're evil

You make me laugh
Now I want to cry
I know truthfully
You can never be mine

I bury you alive
Or stab you to death
Or cuddle you close
And take a deep breath

Of that scent that you have
That never fades
I say it's annoying
But it makes me swoon and sway

I think this is bad
I shouldn't feel like this
Your my best friend's ex boyfriend
I'm ******* with this ****

Stop being perfect
And imperfect at once
Stop being so funny
I shouldn't have fun

With you 'cause she'll **** me
There's no doubt in my mind
You're ******* me over
And taking your time

So slow yet so fast
You pounce at your prey
You bring me in close
And I count everyday

That you're going to be here
And sigh in between
I'm missing you slowly
And you're killing me

Please don't say "I love you"
Please don't steer me wrong
We've been through this a million times
But you've done it all along

I've tried everything
That I could
But I cannot bring myself
To love you like I should

You and I both know
It doesn't happen that fast
But all you say
Is it was meant to last

And I wish I could change my mind
To fit your standards
But you know I'm locked in my shell
Trapped by your expectations

So please don't say "I love you"
Please don't let me down
Don't jump into this, like it's that easy
Cause you know that I'm never coming around

Through all I've been through
I know my friends will be there
But I have those friends who I know I can't trust
And I know better to say my secrets to them
Because they'd look at me different
Never the same person again
I'm just that person who has got a lot of problems
Who tries to dump them on every person she meets and
Becomes slightly close to
It's a little insulting
But I was never good at keeping a secret and I never will be ever again
My secrets will spill from my mouth in front of those that I love
Someday
It will happen
I wish I was kidding though
Because the thought hurts so much
To the point that some people are becoming as irrelevant as they were
The second we met
I never remember a face
And for that
I apologize
Because every single face is worth remembering
I just forget them as an instinct
Because I am not worthy of such beautiful people
That can carry burdens as heavy as mine
That can smile in free time
Because they're getting along with every person around them
Because they are what I wish to be in so many ways
I want to be funny
I want to be kind
I want to be witty
I want to be special
I want to be tough
I want to be sensitive
I want to be beautiful
And I know that I am
I am all of these things
But I know I am more
More negative
I am rude
I am sarcastic
I am a grudge holder
I am hungry
I am annoying
I am selfish
I am slow
I am not beautiful
And the bad clearly outweighs the good
And that's as sad as my ability to make friends
And my ability to forget that people love me
Because I can't remember what I can't feel
Because I forgot again
And that makes me as ignorant as a stranger to my life

You used to play games
Now you play tricks
You used to help out
Now you throw sticks
I believed you would always be there
Yanking my wrist
Pulling my hair
I took advantage
But so did you
You promised to listen
Through and through
But now my sanity's dead
Slowly coming to life
If I open my eyes
You'll be holding a knife
I'd run if I could
But my body hurts
I'd love if I could
But my emotions were burnt
By people like you
And memories of pain
And those who surround me
Who think it's a game

I didn't want to tell them
My words didn't seem to fit
The emptiness inside my heart
I've hidden all too quick

But I know that if I reveal
A sliver of what lies there
They'll change everything they've ever done
They'll try to be fair

I know in my mind I don't want that
But my heart tells me I need it
Something to bandage my wounds
Something to cure the scars with

So I don't say anything
But speak as loud as I can
Hopefully they'll catch on
But I know they haven't because they would've ran

It's shoots brightly, up and up and up until it is noticed-and feared.
It's body is slim and beautiful, but it hits whatever it wishes to, and strikes stupidity into young minds and wariness into wise ones, all the while not caring about how close it's getting.
People carry on with their everyday lives as a shield to protect them from a chaotic outbreak.
"Stay calm," the man chats in his head.
"Don't panic," the teen thinks as it strikes the top of a building three blocks away.
"It's only a little lightning, it can't hurt you," the mother tells her child as he stares in wonder at what he is most afraid of.
The thunder crashes loudly through the sky, rattling the windows and the hearts of those who fear it.
And forever, I remain afraid.

Had not he done his selfish deeds
There would be far less of me
Alive and well, able to breathe
But he did them, and they were filled with greed

The power quickly burned his head
And slowly he began to make the bed
In which I breathed my last breath
Before lying peacefully in my death

But still you do not understand
How it felt to touch your hand
After so many years all by myself
My life a story on a dusty shelf

So now I hope with all my heart
You will not leave before we start
Our journey across the empty land
Together forever, hand in hand

"You should run away"
She says, at every question I ask
"You should go hide in your room
"And hopefully never come back"

All I can think is how rude she's being
Yet listening to her crosses my mind
But I've ran away for far too long
Refusing to live my own life

"Just shut up, stupid"
She always spits, and yet she's only eight
"Go away, *****. Don't look at me, freak
"Did you see how much she ate?"

What has public school done to you sweetie?
What have you done to yourself?
How could you fall into such a cruel trap?
Do those words belong to someone else?

I always think someone's picking on her
Then I realize it's me
I'm the bad guy in this story, I've always been
And that's probably all I'll ever be

So I'll hide in my room
Just to protect you
I'll keep to myself
And run away mentally

Just don't go bad darling
Don't let me get you
Don't let it catch you
Like it caught me

I'd say good-bye but that's too sad
I'd say good day but that sounds too glad

So I'll tell you that I'll see you again
Hoping you'd respond with "until then"

I don't know words
As well as you do
I'm not very good
At seeing things through

Yet you still want to be near me
How, I'll never understand
Wrapping your arm around my shoulder
Slipping your hand into my hand

Hug me good-bye
Until I don't want to leave
Cuddling to your warmth
Clinging to your sleeve

I'd say good-bye but that'd make me sound sad
I'd say good day but that make me sound glad

So I'll tell you that I'll see you again
Hoping you'll respond with "until then"

Dear stranger,

How did you see straight through the lies I told? How did such average eyes witness the pain clouding my words and actions? You didn't see me as everyone else, but you accepted me like I was one of them.

How?

Do you know how much gratitude I offer to you for not treating me like a fragile piece of glass, yet not recklessly throwing me around like a hot potato? Do you even realize how deeply this affects me, weeks later?

I wish I understood you better, I wish we could've talked longer than we were given the chance. You remind me of someone, yet you don't at the same time.

I want people to see me like I see you, but it isn't like that. They see me as Eeyore, when I really just want to be a Tigger.

But you're more than a Tigger. Your a Tigger and a Winnie the Pooh bear mixed with a hit of Roo. I admire you for that, and wish I could see you more often than not, just to feel like I'm accepted.

Sincerely,
The girl you hugged that night, when you couldn't even remember her name

I hear you in my mind
And read what you write
But I'm running out if time
Trying with all of my might

Are you hearing me like I hear you?
Are you thinking the same things as me?
Or are you just rolling your eyes,
Typing a quick answer on your screen?

It's ridiculous, you've made me this way
Obsessing over this and that
I feel like a total girl
The kind I always called brats

Am I seriously going for this?
With what I once called my best friend?
Because a lot of things could happen
And a lot of things could end

Now as I sit in darkness
Afraid to simply love
My heart is pounding quickly
Waiting for that last shove

So weirdly we're together
Yet weirdly we're apart
Distance a long measurement
That damages my heart

And weirdly this doesn't feel wrong, for once
I just wish I could know how you feel
Not crammed with expectations
Is what we have right now real?

As her heart cried for the simple attention of a stranger
She longed for acceptance in a world that couldn't even accept itself
She was trapped

The only thing she ever received within her life was
Disgust, hate, and intentionally inflicted wounds from the ones she loves
Not loved, loves

There's nothing beautiful about life
Not when death serenades her deepest scars
Coaxing her demons to take over and rule her barely breathing host

Her soul cast into the sea of tranquility but not drowning
She gasps for air in a world of monsters but ***** in hate and cruelty
She never has enough time to breathe it out before it's taking over her actions

Forcing the blade to her once beautiful cream colored wrist that presently is lined with untold marks

Hidden secrets lie deep inside the pale, jagged lines that take over her
They force her into exile in her own body

Broken dreams soon turn to broken bones and
Once again, a deep scarlet **** hides itself
Beneath the sleeve of her pullover

Her life ends quickly to her
But in everyone else's opinion
Not fast enough

Little red riding hood
Running through the forest
Doesn't even see the wolf
She doesn't feel his presence

Little red is rumored to
Have senses keen and quick
But she doesn't feel his pounding paws
Or hear the snapping of a stick

All she thinks is "Get to grandma's
"Before it turns dark"
But he's sneaking his way to her
Blending in with the tree bark

Her heart is pumping up a storm
From all the adrenaline
While he is hiding in the bushes
His stare is quite intense

Just before she can stroll by
He pounces from position
And strikes her with his paw so hard
She loses her ambition

Seeing death before it comes
She curls into herself
Her life just flashes cruely
To where all she thinks is "help"

A bang as loud as thunder
Echos hauntingly to her ears
And she flinches away from where
The wolf should have been, submitting to her worst fears

A gentle voice calls Little Red's name
And she snaps her head up fast
Seeing a dead wolf lying there
All she can think is "at last"

Remembering the person who'd called her name
She witnessed a scene of her grandmother
Slowly lowering the tip of a gun
And giving her a smile like no other

"Well done, grandmother," Red quickly cheered
Clapping her hands as she stood
But her grandmother shook her head and sighed to herself
"You've got dirt all over your hood."