I can't understand what happened,
   but for some reason, your eyes are
   more blue than they normally were.

   Your cheeks stand out more,
   with a developed cheek and,
   jaw line is more define than usual.

   It's weird to think that a year ago,
   we barely even spoke and you were
   just there to me, just existing to me.

   But now your something so much more,
   and I can't shake this feeling that maybe,
   I've set myself up for a loss and I'm nothing.

   Because, I wouldn't except to be anything to you,
   because I'm barely anything to myself so much that,
   I hardly look in a mirror the fear of my own flaws.

   So what does that say about me as a human?
   willing to do think of you as something so,
   amazing, so talented, so utterly out of this world.

   So I'll admire you from afar, because I already know,
   if I admire you up close I'm heading towards an early grave,
   with my mortician sighing and writing down "shattered heart."

It was December when I first saw you,
   your face was tanned considering,
   snow had been pouring down for days,
   since the 15th (now the 21st).

   My cheeks were flushed rose,
   like roses had come alive and,
   painted them their very selves,
   twisting their thorns like brushes.

   It was cold outside and the cafe
   was warm like the first smile,
   which froze onto your lips when,
   I walked in with my friend who noticed.

   I couldn't leave the cafe without learning,
   how many syllables were in your name,
   or if you were currently in a relationship,
   (and thank god above that you weren't).

   I spent Christmas meeting your sister,
   and her little boy who was only three,
   and bless his heart for he was maybe,
   just the sweetest soul i've seen.

   We spent New Year with my family,
   as my they decided I couldn't keep you,
   my own little secret anymore and,
   you knew how much that annoyed me.

   I spent Valentines day realising,
   all the trips we've been on and,
   the things that we've seen it's surprising,
   I haven't ran half a mile but i'm comfy here.

   And by the time the first shower of April came,
   I was lying in your bed on a precious Sunday morning,
   Realising it was too late for me to get hurt,
   Because I was already head over heels in love,

With you.

I watched you, board the ferry from Calais,
   tears streaming down both of our faces,
   so much I could no longer determine
   the colour of your eyes.

   I stayed, until the ferry set sail over the
   English channel and then I turned my
  back. I got into my car and leant my head
  against something much like you were
  probably doing.

   I drove back to the hotel we booked together,
   a lonely drive back down to Paris to the hotel
   but now you aren't there making constant jokes
   as you tried to speak french (which you still can't).

But somewhere in the back of our minds,
We'll always have the place we met,
And the place we parted.

We'll always have Paris.

I'm jealous of all the girls,
   who can wing out their eyeliner,
   and learn how to fly.

   Whos eyebrows are perfect,
   without filling them in,
   even though they still do.

   I'm jealous of all the girls,
   who can speak to anyone,
   and who aren't in a lower league.

   Whos hair is perfect any day,
   and whos smile could,
   make world peace a real thing.

   I'm jealous of all the girls,
   who fly around people at school,
   without feeling the need to hide.

  Whos life seems perfect whatever,
  and who get invited to parties, real parties,
  whom have decent friends.

   I'm jealous to all the girls with lovely,
   long blonde hair to which people,
   compliment as though it'll be their last.

   Whos outfit is amazing,
   whos life is and their friendship group,
   whilst I'm here trying and trying.

   Always trying.

   And I'm sorry.
   For all the time I pull out my flaws,
   I break your heart just once more.