Shanna Howse: Poems

Shanna Howse Nov 2010

I can’t let myself fall for you,
I can’t bear the consequence
Of losing you again,
Because the pain is just too much each time.

The door closes behind you,
The door is your shield,
That I wish I could knock down,
Because I’m tired of seeing that door.

If I hear your voice,
If I hear your laugh,
I shut it out,
Because I can’t listen anymore.

When you kiss me hello,
When you kiss me goodbye,
I can’t kiss you back,
Because I’ll always want more.

The warmth of your body,
The warmth of your skin on mine,
It sends fire through my blood,
Because I don’t know which way to feel.

Your voice promises only good,
Your voice tells me it will be okay,
Well, your voice lied.
Because it’s not okay, and it’s definitely not good.

Trust

Shanna Howse Nov 2010

Trust

I think I'm falling for you
simple as that.
There hasn't a day gone by
that I didn't wish you weren't holding me
and called me yours.

When I'm with you
everything feels right.
The world falls into place;
I can smile
and really mean it.

I'm aching for you inside
I wonder if you notice the way I look at you
or feel the same way I do.
You're one of a kind, boy
and you're absolutely perfect for me.

I would tell you everything--
the feelings I've bottled up inside.
I'd tell you my hopes and dreams--
the secrets I hold to myself,
that could never be exposed to the light of day.

But if I tell you,
you'd run away with it all
and give it to those around you,
they'll spread it like wildfire
expose it to where it doesn't belong.

And baby, I'm strong
but I can't trust anyone.
To give it to the one I think I could trust,
you'd crush my heart and I'd cry myself to sleep.
And I'll falter. And I'll *break.

© November 29, 2010. Shanna Howse.

*This is not about anyone. I know my friends like to jump to conclusions. :P

Unfortunate

Shanna Howse Aug 2010

Unfortunate

Helpless, stranded
Branded without your wings
Fallen angel
Just threw it away

Fallen victim
To the evil in the world
Oh, so eager
To do something wrong

Downwards spiral
Into drugs and drinking
Can’t recover
From what you’ve chosen

Say you’ll quit
But go on like before
Do it again
Break everyone’s trust

You’ve lost your chance
To prove that you’ve changed
You said you had
An obvious lie

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Shanna Howse Jun 2011

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As if it was more romantic saying goodbye at the beach,
Rather than in the alleyway where we used to meet,
Then we must be mistaken,
For wherever the atmosphere surrounding these words
Doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Granting all the wonderful memories that will never bid farewell,
Felt so much more like a burden than a release,
When will this pain ever cease and disappear?
They will live on in these deserted streets
And float away in the night sky forever.

Those two words seem so plain and tiny
We could’ve wrote a novel to leave this where it ended
Making time tick on and on and on
So that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t ever need to end,
And we wouldn’t walk away.

June 7, 2011 © Shanna Howse

Though in a completely happy point in my life, I was listening to a dark playlist and I needed to throw something on here, so here it is.

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Shanna Howse Aug 2013

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light a few candles as the moon hushes the stars, my dear
and crawl beneath the sea of the sheets
sing to me the symphonies of your never ending sorrows

and we can pool together
the memories that haunt your throbbing head
and the tears that drain from mine

there's magic in the never before explored path
from the tips of my fingers (so soft, so delicate)
to the dark, calloused skin of yours
which make love to but a few guitars

but there's a foreboding glisten in your eyes
the mark lefts from the cats that have clawed at your back
tattooed on, a cracked mess of anguish

i'll promise to bandage your wounds
to cool the burning sensation which lashes at your wrists
and the itch of the bugs crawling under the skin at your neck

i'd never let the sickness grow and spread to your heart
i'd protect you from harm
i'll never let you down.

War

Shanna Howse Jul 2010

War

I stand at the gate
Watch you away on the plane
I’ll sit here and wait
And then feel the pangs of pain.

Called a few months ago
Then nightmares came of concern
They’re sure to make you go
What’s to happen if you don’t return?

So scared, cry every night
Kissed you goodbye,
Watched you walk out of sight
Now God makes me wonder why.

In my mind I hear the shot
See the massacre and death
Now that’s what you see a lot.

Little one on the way
It’s not easy to do
Support us with bills to pay
Another year to see you.

The day came by, not very fast
Sat by the door for the car
The man says you were killed in the blast
The words leave a mental scar.

Worked up hope you’d come back
Just wanted to say my final goodbye,
But now I stare at the plaque
Knowing that everything went awry.

That was the day she was born
Life had changed that day for her mom
Had no time yet to mourn
And she lived her life without her dad.

Think of the fields you used to roam
Lifeless, there you now lay
You’ll never be coming home…

Wave of Darkness

Shanna Howse Aug 2010

Wave of Darkness

Look in the mirror
And staring back at me
Is a reflection of a lonely girl
An empty girl only I can see

Too thin, fragile and petite
She’s hiding herself away
From everything around her
Pretending she’s okay

Across her face is exhaustion
Hiding in her eyes are her fears
Etched in her wrist is pain
She’s weaker than she appears

She’s pleading for help
Screaming out loud
But no one can see her
She’s invisible in a crowd

Broken and shattered
Her skin is so hollow
There’s nothing left to her
Drowning in sorrow

Destined to leave this world
She needs to find a way out
She couldn’t make a difference
The world could do without

She has nothing left;
No sanity left to corrupt
She holds razor to vein
Feels the wave of darkness erupt

What Heart?

Shanna Howse Nov 2010

What Heart?

Pulsing, throbbing
I’m alive.

Rhythmic beating
Still alive.

Painful beating
Cannot think…

Slowing quickly
Breathing stops.

Cracking, breaking
Shattering…

Choking, sobbing
*Now I’m dead.

Without You

Shanna Howse Nov 2010

Without You

The water is so clear,
Every night brings breathtaking skies,
The white sand on the beach
And the warmth of the sun
It’s paradise.
At least not without you, ***;
You’re too far out of reach
I miss the sparkling of your eyes
*wish you were here.

You & Me

Shanna Howse Jul 2010

You & Me

Call me baby,
Take me away,
Someday maybe
We can be alone.

Sing me a song,
Play your guitar,
Stay up all night,
Underneath the stars.

Head on your chest,
Dancing up close,
I feel my best
When I’m with you, babe.

And you were, boy,
My only dream,
Now to enjoy;
You’re mine forever.

You’re in my heart;
I love you so,
Never to part;
Never let this go.

Here together,
The sweet silence
Filled with romance,
We’ll lay, watch those stars.

— The End —