Shane Knubley: Poems

Dec 2013 · 1.2k

Shane Knubley Dec 2013

Depression is a funny feeling,
More so because it's not a feeling.

Depression can best be described as a weight,
A weight that is exclusive to an individual,
A weight that you must carry on your shoulders every grueling, painful, dreadful day.

It's crippling,
Dragging you down to an excruciating low and proceeding to stomp on your ribs whilst you gasp for the crisp taste of air, struggling to breathe
Restricting the flow of oxygen to the ceaseless fire inside your heart

It's invisible,
Not noticeable by the human eye, out of our perception.
A condition that nobody will be able to comprehend until you open yourself up like the centerfold of a book that has been awaited and anticipated for years by the populace.

It's misunderstood,
They think that it's a mindset that has been ingrained into your thick skull through the years,
"It gets better,", an infuriating phrase that you hear everyday which drives you to the edge and puts you on the edge of your seat, wanting to let out all that pent up rage,
But that's too much effort.

It's a lack of motivation,
Laying in bed pretending that you're ill just to avoid getting up and doing something with yourself.
Distancing yourself from any potential social interaction because you don't want to bring another person into the cesspool of hatred and sadness that is your life.

It's death,
Slowly but surely delivering that final blow that pushes you over the metaphorical edge that marks the ceasing of your life.

There's no cheating depression.

Dec 2013 · 1.5k

Observation of Self-destruction

Shane Knubley Dec 2013

Observation of Self-destruction

Her look is holding
Her dreary and depressed eyes digging into me, perplexing
The scarlet red rose petals that ring around her pupils entrance me
She stands tall, strong and contained
Strong like the world trade before it was struck down against it's will
She's only awaiting her time
She puts on a good act

Nobody can tell that
Behind her strength and pseudo-bliss hides a lifetime of sadness and self-hatred
The perpetual clock dictating her existence ticks endlessly until she too falls to the ground
Inevitable.
Masks her bottomless pool of insecurities with a smile
Compensating for them with a false ego the size of the sun
Acts like she is better than everyone
But she knows that she's not
Her mind set on keeping all the feelings hidden

She rejects help
Neglects the ones who care
Thinks she can do it all by herself
But we know that she can't

Her wrists full of scars and regret
Her eyes like an endlessly flowing water fountain
Caught in a recurring state of despair
Despite all the people who love and who care

"Everyday is a battle", I tell her, hoping that she will open to me
"And it's mine to fight", she replies aggresively
I try to share with her my days
I subtlely urge her to do the same
I want to help her heart to mend
So all her hate and pain can end.

Nov 2013 · 974

Klonopin

Shane Knubley Nov 2013

Klonopin

grab that bottle of pills, prescribed to me
treating my crippling anxiety
open wide, two down the hatch
but there is a little catch
slowly killing me from the inside
sooner or later my brain will be fried
but on this medication I have to rely
otherwise I get afraid I may die
i get afraid of talking aloud, expressing myself
anything conceivable scares me to death
so i swallow them down day after day
otherwise i'll continue to just hide away
isolation and desolation
sad and scared feelings in manifestation
sitting down in a corner
afraid of the world
i know it's irrational
but why won't it stop?
it's only out to get me, step on me, hurt me
the pills want to help me, pull me up, help me flee
and that is why, when you continue to say
"they're progressively killing you, more and more each day"
as if i don't know that, i'm not that naive
to think that these magic pills that help me to breathe
only have pros and not any cons
thinking that they will do me no wrong
but if you were me, you'd do the same thing
it's excrutiatingly hard when you struggle to bring
yourself out of bed every single morning,
afraid of the daylight, you heed your own warning
afraid of everything imaginable
and so
whenever i struggle to get out of bed
i grab that bottle
and i open wide
and i throw two down the hatch

Nov 2013 · 727

voices on a loop

Shane Knubley Nov 2013

voices on a loop

blankly staring at a shelf
speaking softly to myself
lying on my sweat stained bed
voices rushing through my head
recurring, frequent, loud
feel the need to make them proud
always wanting more from me
“Very soon we’ll set you free”
pseudo-hope, another day
they will never go away
messy hair, poorly groomed
isolated in my room
by myself but not alone
voices make their presence known
indecisive, powerless
sweet release comes with death’s kiss
reality – I’ll never find
when I get lost inside my mind

Oct 2013 · 1.3k

Walk Away

Shane Knubley Oct 2013

Walk Away

sitting on a street corner
stupid drunk off black lager
****** mood, no food
washed up, out of luck
always high, never dry
one more hit to feel alive
drinking away every cent
struggling to pay the rent
start to steal from next of kin
anything to blaze again
living in a constant peril
eyes becoming fierce and feral
focused on the next high
there’s no reason to survive
stuck in stages of denial
passerby’s all call you vile
waking up covered in bile
you can’t make that extra mile
settle for less, aspire for more
life is full of open doors
with a little hint of effort
everything could be much better
trying hard to just ignore
when ****** buddies offer more
get up, turn, and walk away
this isn’t how your life will stay
things could be charming and happy and swell
you can escape reality’s hell
it doesn’t take a genius to show or tell
cynical hatred never does well
so turn down the needles and pass on the pills
you’ll feel so much better, I promise you will
don’t let your negative side consume you
allow the positive light to shine through

based around somebody im close with

stay strong buddy

Oct 2013 · 820

Anger

Shane Knubley Oct 2013

Anger

Feel it building
Manifesting
Heart is beating
Feel like screaming
Blood pressure raising
Eyes are gleaming
About to start swinging
Look like ****
Losing it
I just want to ******* quit
Look around, empty room
Why's it all so ******* gloom
Body shaking
Head is aching
Feels like the whole Earth is quaking
Fists are clenched
About to wretch
Why can this thirst not be quenched
Flailing fists into the wall
Gonna just break down and bawl
Anger filling up my brain
Adrenaline flowing through my veins
I cannot be ******* tamed
I'm about to go insane
Knuckles bloodied
Out of breath
Anger makes us feel like death

We were talking about anger in my Psychology class, so I decided to write about it.

Oct 2013 · 1000

War Never Changes

Shane Knubley Oct 2013

War Never Changes

War is a concept of the mind
And we might find that humankind
May appear to be so blind, people killed as we blink our eyes
Dying soldiers lost and found
Putting our brothers in the ground
So this is our time to remember
The heroic men that fought to the end or
The ones that died, brave and strong
Forced into battle to end the wrong
They fought for our freedom for so long
They made us feel like we belong
Despite the fact that we may feel
That war is a pseudo-mechanism for peace
We look to the past to change our ways
For future peace in later days
Our armies keep growing
But at the rate we are going
We bear witness to what war is showing
That war never changes.

My school is having a Remembrance Day poem contest, so I wrote this up in about thirty minutes, just thought I'd share.

Oct 2013 · 4.1k

A Definition of Perfection and Beauty

Shane Knubley Oct 2013

A Definition of Perfection and Beauty

Every single one of us has our own perception and definition of perfection and beauty.

My definition of perfection and beauty is simplistic, but at the same time is insanely intricate and alluring.

My definition of perfection and beauty is her: her riveting smile, her luscious brown hair, the glint of her admirable brown eyes, so perplexing and captivating.

She is different, not quite like all the other girls.

Something about her makes her stand out.

Could it be her inspiring and enchanting positive attitude?

Or could it be her constant yet elegant and exceptional charismatic display of intellect and wisdom?

Whatever it is, it’s entrancing and spectacular, constantly forcing me to crack a genuine and stimulating smile, even when I may not be feeling the greatest.

The feeling she makes me feel when she’s present is indescribable through words; it’s a feeling that can only be truly understood through enduring it.

There is only one word to truly describe how I feel whenever I talk to her, and that is bliss.

I may be naïve to believe that I am deeply in love with her, but that intense smile and sense of self-worth I feel when I talk to her tells me otherwise.

She gives off similar vibes, leading me to believe that she may feel the same way about me as I do her.

When she displays affection towards me, my face turns slightly red and inevitably, I smile like an idiot.

When I talk with her, everything feels at ease, and I don’t ever have a single worry on my mind.

Every single one of us has our own description of perfection and beauty.

My definition of perfection and beauty is her, and she’s the perfection and beauty that I need.

about a special somebody, thought I'd share

Oct 2013 · 846

Slipping

Shane Knubley Oct 2013

Slipping

The grimness of our lives
That dim look in our eyes
Everything so overwhelming
Makes us feel like it's all ending
The ***** looks that we despise
The voices like to stay disguised
The comments want to make us cry
All we want is to end our lives
Another 'friend', another lie
Spewing sugar-coated fiction
Makes us turn to nicotine
Stupid cigarette addictions
We’ve lost our soul mates in the fire
Our hearts and minds are causing friction
Another cut - another burn
Another step towards eviction
Another pill, another bottle,
Headed in the wrong direction
Another gun, another bullet,
All it takes is one bad second
**** the gun, pull the trigger,
And all this of this could be ended
It’s a shame but what to do?
Some broken hearts just can't be mended.

— The End —