I loved you
I gave you everything
I protected you
I opened up every part of me to you

You hate me
You took everything
You left me vulnerable
You made me close myself up again

Yet, I still can’t hate you

The clouds move more like smoke
than actual clouds

I find myself thinking of past and future
but together as if they were of one soul

Brisk night air reveals Orion to me
and I think of her, but not long

I see your face in the haze of night
and your soul in those stars

You have saved me without knowing
and again I return to bed, to gaze upon my salvation,
my Starry Night

I can’t quite figure it out.
I’m standing here all alone, I’ve had approximately 5 heavy mixed drinks.
Still not drunk, just buzzed enough to notice how lonely I am.
I met eyes with the dog.
He told me it was ok.
Whether that was the alcohol or my imagination, I don’t know.
I’m glad you’re happy.
I’m not though.
It’s tough.


Being me.




Because that means I’m...








Forever alone.

I made up this world in my head.
At night it’s day and during the day its night again
I drift from day to day between each world
Sometimes I get jealous of the night and other times the day is my friend
I sometimes can’t tell where I am so if I make you uncomfortable during the day, I am sorry
I don’t mean to confuse the worlds but my dear it is so easy
I talk, think, and move as if it were real so why shouldn’t it be?
I’m not crazy
Just caught between the lines that separate you and I
That fine line between my dreams of reality and your nightmares of me

Why does the sun rise and the moon set
Or the words said and the promise kept
That look in your eye that you try to hide
You know, where your feelings heavily lie

Opinions about the world, but not us
Because to you...
I am indescribable.

That’s all it took.
Just a heartbeat.
Words can make or break and she made
Everything
Smiling to no end
Can’t help but fall deeper into this chasm of love.

But hey love makes us do crazy things.
I will happily do this.
For me?
Yes.

All of us have those days...
I had one of them yesterday
Wanted to just lay down and sleep forever
Was going to visit an old friend, but he was dull
You stopped me by saying my name

Because I remembered that you need me
Of all the selfish things I’ve done, that was the worst
You said you forgive me

In the end, it’s still my fault
The very basis of my time is now meaningless
End it please, I can’t watch you suffer like this

The phone calls asking me where I am
Silence is all I hear in my head when she talks

In time all I wish for you is peace
The time I’ve had with you is never enough
Mourning you will **** me

Did everything in my fragile mind to keep you alive
My life isn’t honestly worth it without you here
Time will **** me if they don’t first

Once your fault, always your fault
I can’t seem to get away from this demon
It’s haunted me for some time now
Even when I thought it was over, the demon returns
A thorn in my side and a pain in my ***...
You know that feeling.

Total.
Complete.
Blame.

What is it about that stupid shot?
The one that reminds you why you forgot
That someone who completely tore you apart
And don’t forget, literally broke your heart

I don’t like pictures that can possibly tell
Who I was or how hard I fell
It’s a personal matter that I believe
You never could get past the thought of me

I wanted you so bad, but now I see
That all I needed was inside of me
I can go on, and so can my mind
But that stupid shot, I wish I were blind

You know that one single moment...
the one moment where you wouldn’t change anything about, well, anything?
I don’t have that moment.

That’s my life.

No words
can describe
my hearts
feelings for
you, dear.

And I go to bed


Alone.

3 and 40 you described to me
What a strange number, attached to thee
A 20 here and a 18 there
Never for love, all for dare
Moving faster, slowing down
Wearing despair as my crown
You can’t help me so don’t even try
Your lips keep moving through your lie
You loved me then, you hate me now
We had a great run, take a bow
Move on in life as the others have
And leave me here, no longer sad

I  
  can’t  think
or     do     like
     this     but     I
will     try     my     hardest
     to     be     what     you     need
in      life     and     such     not     so
     please     don’t    leave     me    here
alone     in     the     dark     where     I’ve  
     been     for     so     long      that     I     can’t
even     remember     who     I     really     am     anymore
     and     even     though     this     doesn’t     make     any     sense
to    you    it     makes      perfect      to     everyone     else     who     knows
     that      you     saved      me     from     everything     I     never     was     and
never     wanted     to     be      because     in      all      actuality     you     are     the
     most     important     thing     in     my     life      and     always     have     been     but
you     just     never     knew     that     because     it     doesn’t    make     sense     for      a
     beauty     like     you     to     fall     in     love     with     a     beast     like     me     but     still

I am completely, irrevocably, inescapably, conclusively, and forever in love with you and for that, I apologize.

Going around.  Wasting my time but in a way that I don’t mind at all.
Should you care that I care?
                Would it matter at all that I see this look on your face and in your eyes?
                It baffles me in a puzzle-like way, which you hate.
                 ***** feelings.
                That’s what she said.

One day I will think
One day.
One day I will talk
One day.
One day I will do
One day.
One day I will be ok
...

...

...

Sometimes I watch it rain
     Sometimes.
Sometimes I look around
     Sometimes.
Sometimes I pet my dog
     Sometimes.
Sometimes I pet my cat
     Sometimes.
Sometimes I think about you...

Always.