I AM Enough. I Don’t Have to Try.

I’m so alone. I am not seen;
In being praised, beyond my means.

I’ve work so hard, to have your love; to beg your seeing me, beyond these chores.

Beyond these achievements, there’s something more; inside my room, behind my doors.

In silence I’d sit, captured between, page 6 and page 7, of finding the mean.

Seeking for meaning, and looking within, I’d pass that by, and begin again.  I’d learn more than they; they’d see me then.

So I worked hard. I gave it my all. I’d answer the questions, get stars on the wall.

I’d be a genius, and buy a new world. I’d stand up on stage, no more ribbons and curls.

I’d shake the hand of the msn standing, I seldom saw; and move to the “real world”, alone down the hall.

I’d be “important”; no way to not see me then.  But there’s always more to do, to avoid my sin...

Of being whom I am; the eternal light so clear; so pure and so beautiful, only the blind cannot peer.

It’s not my fault, I did what was asked. Every obstacle thrown, I step right past. I became so good, at this game of the mind, that no one could touch me, not even Heart of mine.

But isn’t there more, than this round and round? Of tears that I hide, that lay lonely upon the ground?

The love that I have, that I seek from above, has always been there, in a blind man standing above.

But seeing my own, was a difficult chore; one more challenging, than working behind door.  

I’ve cried and I’ve suffered, to be rescued from “him”; the ruling world, so lost in its sin; the sin against the feminine; the cold harshness of fear; that one might not make it, in a world so unclear.

But I cannot hate him; he did what he could; being made into a god, himself, chiseled in wood. A legend was expected of his golden child; turned black sheep; suffering aloud.

He’s work his *** off, as did I, seeking validity, on Earth, not in sky. Standing tall, strutting about; saying “thank you, but next week is the clouds.”

“I’ll make it there, ‘cause she’s not in Earth. And it’s far too lonely, without ribbons and curls”; without the innocence, stolen from we; each and everyone, that ate from this Tree.

The original sin, still plagues man. That we must know, prove, build condos in the sand. That we must get caught, in material things, in pleasures without heart, where intimacy reigns.

That we must own more, and work hard for that.  That we must be seen, as a fat cat.  

I’ve lost and I’ve gained, the worst and the best. I’ve struggled through life, achieving these tasks. I’ve cried and I’ve suffered, not only for me; but a world so devoid, of the divine She.

She is fine; she is eternally grand. She isn’t above, but equal to man. She isn’t below; just not seen by blind man.

She’s nothing to prove; she is what she is. Divine gift of the eternal; ethereal to no end. She’ll outlast us all. Her purpose is clear; to just be, and Love; for she never fears. She cannot die; but man can, as we; without the feminine, we cannot be.

She is the breathe of life; he the means. To balance them both, makes us lean.  To shed what was given, that’s not our way; but to embrace it all, breathe and live another day.

To work and love, but towards what is true; the masculine and feminine, equal within you.

That this union shine light into the dark, of our suffering masses, pulling the cart. Bearing a weight that was never theirs. Because Satan offered Apple instead Pear;).

**Let my trickster (the archetype that emerges from the lack of balance between these two have the last humorous word. Though the trickster played all along as beast, god, and man unconscious unto itself.

I Love November When the Birds Say Goodbye

By something within Shane Bowles.

I Love November When the Birds Say “Goodbye”

I love November when the birds say “goodbye”;
When leaves just let go; becoming the only thing to fly;

In the cool Autumn breeze, where the skin contracts we feel, the independent body, soon, also to peel

Layers of old skin, dying and letting go, awaiting December, all wrapped up in snow.

We can really sense our body, in the winter land all about; being strangely reminded, we live, without doubt.

For in the Summertime, all feels much as one; the energy all swirling, between being and Sun.

Between you and I, the heat moves between; blocking us from our essence, contained in skin so keen.

But in the Fall, we see the physical value; reminded each time, life is a battle.

A battle quite grand; yet simply, Amazing. That we exist in a housing; upwardly gazing.

Gazing back to source, longing for to care. And be cared for, somewhere in the air.

But when Autumn comes, and the birds disappear; when the trees stand stark, still upwards they peer;

When silence sets in, and the frost sits below; when a brisk wind comes; followed by snow;

When evenings turn dark; and night long, at last; when pillows and blankets call “come think on the past”;

When there’s nothing but silence, and the skin longs for touch;
When everything disappears; that has distracted so much;

When the floor grows cold; the feet dance about; lost sense of the cold, Poe wrote about;

We are reminded, we do not have to try; for in our body, survival is natural, to never say “goodbye”;

But “see ya later”, comes easily at once; as the birds head South, to await the new Sun.

Not just the one above, but the light that shines within; each of us when Spring begins again.

Always a new Spring, each year we have found; after turning within, while cold hits the ground.

A reminder, ironically, that we live in fear, of death at our doorstep, year after year.

But that we also live in hope; as grand as them all. Something we ignore, often until Fall.

When we are reminded, beyond fun and games; beyond basking in the Sun, and dancing in the rains;

Beyond song and movement; beyond light from above; beyond the love, between geese and doves;

Beyond that without, we see day after day; beyond the external; the warmth of the rays.

Beyond smiles and greetings; beyond infinite stares; beyond “how are you?”, and the sliding of chairs;

Beyond conversation, of who done this and that; beyond laughter and dancing, and this or that stat;

Beyond you and I; there lies something gold; a brief existence, on Earth in the cold;

Where inwardly turning, not seeking without; we find our answers, for the new year about;

We find in our stillness, the most marvelous thing; that we are married to Earth; we’ve taken the ring.

To learn and reflect, year after year, to hibernate with self, just as do the bear.

To finally listen; to feel our body deep; to take in the cold, and remind we are always awake.

That to live in this housing, is a blessing indeed. For God walked also, to experience the need.

To feel in the body, life carries within, an infinite connection to both stars and sand.

To breathe in the cold, is a beautiful fright; to cuddle by the fire, a reminder of the light;

The light that burns within, every living cell; that always has our backs; when we feel we’ve failed.

When we feel we’ve tried so hard to live an ideal; when we feel we’ve failed, while sitting with a meal.

When we feel we’ve disappointed, not lived to potential;
When all the world’s noise, distracts from essential;

When we gazed at the sky, begging the “why?”; after giving our all, towards rainbow pie;

When we’ve hustled for others, imagining for self; when we expended our energy seeking, something we’ve simply lain upon some shelf;

When the birds are gone, and our stillness sets in; we center and realize, life is within.

We know that it’s tough, this life we keep saying. But forget the meaning, of this that precedes praying.


Life IS tough. It doesn’t quit easily. It’s programmed from God, to resist all our doubts.

It’s strong and a warrior, beyond what we think. It can beat down the devil, in center of the ring.

It’s holds tight to living, to protecting the Self, that is often forgotten, by Ego and Elf.

It faces the trickster, stuck in the mind; it challenges all demons, so unkind.

It wins in the wars, between ideals and Self. It allows us to change; to reNEW and live, another year being, through new love and tears.

Life is amazing; when Sun hides in the clouds; when the skin cells tighten, as if taking a bow.

When the Earth hides its colors and does not cater, we find life is within;

And birds just say, “see ya later”.

I Love November, when the birds say “goodbye; for I am reminded we are living cycles of life.

That there is no goodbye, just a refreshing a new smile; a “see ya later, Alligator”, and an “after ‘while, Frederick.”

I've opened my heart,
A place I've not known,
To you, to me,
A chance, one day, you'll not be gone.

Love is scary.
To need, even more.
I've thought I've had best friend,
To only be gone.

To sit by myself,
To wonder and pray,
To wash away the pain,
To have hope for another day.

"I don't need anyone,
I'm smart and I'm brave!"
I can tell the 'why' of everything,
If not, I put it away.

I tell myself these.
I come close,
Then push people away.
"They'll be only gone"
That's what I say.

Try and try again.
Move from shadows to doubt.
Then hope and renewal,
To wondering about...

This planet we suffer on,
Hot, cold, and alone.
Wishing someone to hold,
To feel to the bone;

A comfort, a love,
A need to feel home.
A lover a friend,
A soul within my own.

Because it's so lonely,
Despite what I say,
To everyone around,
Secretly hoping a new day.

One of laughter and sunshine
Of cuddled stormy nights.
Of long intimate talks,
The sharing of frights.

The comfort in knowing,
Another feels the same.
Hearts in unison,
Not the tragic fake game.

Someone who knows me,
And makes me a better man.
Challenges me to be more beautiful,
Than all the oceans' sand.

Someone who cries,
And says "please hold me, dear";
For I am like you,
I, also, have fears.

That this world is world is selfish;
Mean beyond thoughts.
That needs more
Than any money has bought.

Someone that sees
Myself within they,
And finds themselves
Through my heart,
That I also hold they

Within my own shadow,
Within my own fears,
Within places I've avoided,
To hide all the tears.

But tears are where we find,
Others like mine;
Hearts so lonely,
Like me, of being too kind.

I can't deny anymore,
I need a best friend.
Life passes quite quickly,
And then it's the end.

I'm afraid of hope;
It's as worthless as fear.
But I, so, need faith,
To get through the years.

A faith that God is within,
Both you and I.
That within each of us,
He's there when we cry.

That I am your hand of God.
That you are mine.
That within us, each,
His love we will find.

That caring brings us faith,
To move on through the day,
Days of just being,
Because we are afraid.

I'll hold your fears,
With tenderness and care;
Please hold mine,
So this life we can bare.

I want to love you,
In whatever way.
I just ask that you know me,
So that you might stay.

For others have not;
neither for you.
Does that change,
With this friendship anew?

I know lots.
I am a smart man.
But this I'm unsure. Should I keep eating life from a can?

Or will you be there,
Unlike all the rest,
The ones you've known,
Those I imagined the best?

I'm tired of imagining.
I'm tired of just hopes.
I want a sea before us,
With a shared sturdy boat.

A navigator when I sleep.
A resting soul when I'm awake.
Two people that knows each other,
And fears do not quake.

I don't know. Worst poem I've written, I guess. I'm tired and confused. Like a "baby", as you said; emotional at best.

I ******* hate emotions. They confuse the hell out of me and I don't know which way is up and they make no ******* sense.

That's why I keep them away as much as I can stand.

Been writing it since we hung up. But it's just ******* emotions. No brain at all. I'd rather be tough and funny, maybe.

Work and this has been very stressful.  I'm not myself. It's something I repress.

But yeah. Of course it's for you. The first time I saw you and you me, I've been drawn to you and trying my best to deny it. But I laugh with you. I love how silly we can be. I love how beautiful that silliness is. It makes me happy.

I'm feeling very stupid now. Not before when you called me stupid. But this. I'm uncomfortable with this. It ***** up my brain.

I don't really know what I'm saying. It's not a language I understand. Just confusion and longing and an appreciation and fear that I've met you.

Perhaps the rambling of madness   Lol.

I been thinking of something poetic/romantic. I'm gonna try to write it here. Might be easier since Fe/Fi.

When you look into my eyes from your peripheral vision, to feel I'm staring straight through you,

And you dance and stroll 'round 360; my head and eyes still fixed straight ahead,

You'll KNOW the whole time, circling around, that I kept seeing straight through you, focused your presence about.

I wanna see to your core and love it. And show you why you should too.

Stirred in Chaos--The Scattered Beauty I Still Love

You're a very mixed up beautiful soul;
Stirred to chaos, looking to grow.
Afraid of the light, and darkness, too;
Unsure that you're worth the "I love you's".
But there's something there; I wanna know.
'Cause I feel your soul will make me grow;
To know myself, through knowing you.
Where we are one; never, again, blue;
But Angels complete with love of two.

--Shane Bowles

Take time and write, doll. Just sit in the quiet of a dim light.

Jot down your memories, laughters and frights.

Pour over every detail surrounding the man;

What was important to him; and not, if you can.

Push through it all, but let it swallow you, too.

For you are both strong and weak, bold and blue.

Put down the memories, so inspiring and wise.

Let the pages fill with tears; and go look up into the skies.

To know his energy never dies. We know not what, but there's something beyond.

Far past the clouds, the wind and sun.

Where all of his essence moves through the stars.

And circles back down
Deeply in your heart.

You may not see him,
But be not fooled, then.

You'll feel all his presence, again and again.

To let you know, you never have and never will walk alone.

Forever in your spirit,
He is never gone.



I'm here for ya, ***.

No Clicking Of Heels

I don't cry anymore
Because I know
Anything that lasts
Must go slow.

We burned it out
With passion hot.
I touched you softly
And found your spot.

Not the one
Between your legs
Or your neck
Or pulling hair while you begged.

Far deeper than that
Did we go.
To a place unknown
In our soul.

A place that scared
The living hell
To a point
We did bid farewell.

We burned it out
Before we began
To see each other
From end to end.

From heart to heart
From head to toe
From places beneath
That none will know.

To places far more vast
Than we can see within ourselves.
Places never written about
On tall bookshelves.

Places beyond
space and time
Where angels dance
Where all things rhyme

And gel within
To grow us far
From egos to souls
On other sides of stars.

Where did we meet?
In halls of school?
And where's that baby
We wanted, with coo?



And I think of this
From time to time.
Wondering how
To end this rhyme

This hell to heaven
All wrapped in one
The memories of pain
And so much fun.

Where we are together
Making love and peace
As gypsies do
Living in ease.

But all my logic
And all you feels
Can't bring us back home
By click of heels.

The storm is too great
In your mind from then.
Yet I'll dream of you
Until my end.

4 mins flat,
This took to write.
And it's done with love
Not worry or fright.

You're within me
And you just flow out
So it all much be true
I have no doubt

That you miss me too,
Now and then
And have great wonder
Why did we end

Or could we begin again.

My feels; your logic;
My logic; your feels.
But no fine answer;
And no clicking of heels.

I've tried.

Haha

Love,
Smarty Pants [aka NitWit;)   :*]