Deep inside i yearn,
for something thick and hard
my finger too short
can you help?
  Rip my tightness apart,
give me the healing ointment
My ***** awaits,
sick of being *****
can you help?
  Already wet from from the thoughts,
wide i lay here on my bed,
all i want is a rod
bang me til i cry,
will you try?
Man,I'm #*****....

As darkest night seizes light of day,
a soft breeze whispers
to me through the trees
As I lay here on the cold harsh ground the concrete is my pillow
in which I lay my weary head ever so aware of the slightest sound
as blackness lingers all around me judgment once clouded
but now my mind is bright and clear,
thinking back to days of old
so much I did fear and a single tear dose fall as I'm chained to
this ******* wall for the rest of my days to remind me of a pain so strong
what did we hope to gain by drudging up past blames we both made
loves been broken now pains my token I've paid my dues as darkness
falls upon me and entered to raid my soul words unspoken
my heart is broken and turned to ice
no fire can ever melt body,
soul and mind tattered a lifetime of dreams shattered
I sit here in this dungeon you put me in over thinking
my mind bludgeoned when once deceived you feel your heart may
never be retrieved from the blackness that has taken over
and you are shaken to your very core by a pain so strong
all in life is wrong and in my head plays the saddest song
I longed for a love so divine for one I could call mine
and in a fleeting moment you realize you will never be fine again
everything was a fabricated fantasy a deluded truth for me to
believe a love that strong and true is real
it dose not exist
dreaming of it makes your insides blue a dark hue surrounds me
as I sit confined behind these walls closing in on me
more and more each day I once thought if only I would pray
for you every night I'd be found and rescued
but to my dismay you did not come broken dreams it seems
all will remain the same just as yesterday and the day before
it tore at my being, now I'm seeing the truth
I will forever remain a prisoner in this cold dark dungeon
you put my heart in for an eternity
as I hear the sound of my breath leaving my body
and carried away on the wings of a dove in a lightly falling snow
at last I know my destiny

Every day I cut myself wide open,
just for you to reach inside
and help yourself to all I have to give.
you keep helping yourself, then you just complain,
that you didn't like  the way I put the razor to my skin.
You didn't like the way I spilled fresh blood all over your new clean floor.
So...what would you say?
If I just walked away,
would you just close your eyes,
sigh and follow the trail of blood
just to clean it up once again
as you never remember to appreciate those who give.
I can only take so much of your ungrateful ways, everything is never enough,
you cause these tears and draw more blood.

Wet Face Buried In the Pillow
At The lowest of the lowest

Couldn't prove them wrong
Couldn't make you proud
Couldn't make myself proud

Beginning to pick at my apperance
mentally loud
"Whats wrong with me"

Did what was expected of me and Failed
Weight of the world is on my shoulders

Feels like my heart is getting hammered through with nails
Hurt by EVERYTHING, Even the sky is turning gray

I prayed but the right knowledge
just never stayed

But on this note
things have to change

There's just some " Priorities" in life
that need to be re-arranged

It was another episode
Really coming from the bottom

Could I fall any deeper than this ?
*** those hardships ? I have em

To go from here
Things are coming that I cant even wrap my head around

But it's coming
i'll just sit here and listen to these surrounding sounds

Maybe if I hold it all in long enough I'll just implode. I made the mistake, YES, mistake, of letting myself care about somebody. I was closed for business for a reason. Because people are evil and cruel and heartless and mean and terrible and selfish and awful.

I know. I'm one of them too. I'm all those things and more so God Forbid when I found somebody who didn't care I thought I had a shot at something I'd only read about in dime store novels but it was a lie and I feel sick and foolish and stupid for ever letting you near the shattered remains of what used to be my heart.

It was a delicate flower and you ripped off all the petals.
It was a priceless vase you threw against the wall.
It was an irreplaceable family photo you set on fire and watched burned.
It was all I had and you took it anyway.

Thief. Enjoy your bounty.
Trickster. Enjoy your prank.
Con man. Enjoy your disguise.
*******. Enjoy my heart break.

Another night with these thoughts, forgetting where my head is,
At times I lay and wonder "Where on Earth am I headin'?",
Lettin' myself think "What if I woke to be 8 again, back on the playground with a few mates again?",
If I could go back do you think I'ma change a thing?,
Changes ring in my pockets as I run around doing what you consider "the strangest things",
Yet I don't care what you strangers think,
Another night thinking about alien spaceships and how I might be something of a different kind,
I'm not an artificial intelligent but I know I've got a gifted mind,
"With great power comes great responsibility" and these powers I insist to find,
I also think "Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hold right now?,
Get in bed and we both lie down",
Talking, cuddles and kisses 'til we fall asleep,
Oh wait, that's not a thought that's all a dream,
All I mean to say is there's more where that came from,
It's another night with these thoughts, lost in space so I guess my brain ain't home.

You put me in restraints
the cold medal felt good on my hot flesh
Arms secure behind my back patiently waiting for your attack
I know you will rip my fish net stockings off me very soon
My hands bound and out of the way so I can't stop you
Push me down on the bed shove my face into the pillow
**** me strong and hard deep and long make me cry out Put your **** in my
face slap me with it I love it do it again I can taste me on you how sweet we taste together Your **** filling my
cheek you forcefully slap the outside of my face The stinging feeling
soon goes numb you like how it feels on your **** Gripping my face
like a vise you pump all your *** into my throat

She's twenty, young and carefree
She's shy or maybe that's what she wants you to believe
Such a loving soul, has no remembrance of the lesson life showed
She believes love is all that matters
And that happy endings actually do come true
But I think she's learning
Because her heart seems to be yearning
Or maybe it was the cruel awakening
From believing in  lil girls fantasies
There is no Prince Charming
Being loyal don't get you anywhere
Nothing more than a blank ******* stare
From a guy who said he would be there
Saying this isn't going anywhere
By now am sure you guess who I am
The one who sees...
I don't believe in falling in love
I've seen what it does
I believing in giving in to those devilish desires
I believe in me first, yes I'm selfish
I have two sides that's not
So I need to be bad and not listen to reasoning
So long as its what I want to do
****! The consequences
That's what everyone else does
Isn't it
Give a ******* to those who gave a ****
So one **** I give not
Yes there's more to me but from what I've seen
There isn't anyone worthy to be shown
So I gladly play the roll of that cold *****.

                       To be continued....

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must - but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow ..
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And her learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint to the clouds of doubt -
And you can never tell how close you are,
It mat appear when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It when things seem worst that you mustn't quit !

All deceit and lies
the winds whistle blows,
time surely flies,
and only time knows.

Dreams live on they say,
but dreams will die if lost,
so find your happy times or they
are overgrown with moss.

I walk along these times to see
that everything I knew, is gone.
No longer is what I used to be,
no longer is, what I have known.

Children's laughter from far away,
what did time do to me?
I need to go but want to stay
and bring life to this old me.

Dear Lord,

With my whole heart I ask
That you look after my friends
Guide them in troubles
Lead them when lost
Give them your ear
When they just need to talk

Lend them a hand
When they’ve nowhere to turn
Show them a new road
When a bridge has been burned

Teach them to smile
When everything seems bad
And show them there is happiness
After all that seems sad

Dear Lord,
This is my prayer
I hope that every word you can hear
This message is from my heart
For my friends are so dear

They always tell you be yourself
But what if that self they ask you to be
Is selfish and conniving
Then what, Will you still preach ??
More importantly would you even like the person you see.
But isn't it also true, they said one should never care
What other people may have to say
Do what makes you happy, they say never once asking
What is it that makes said person happy.
So why be displeased, when all they did was be themselves
They say our life experiences mold us into who we need to be
Is that really true?
You created the monster to which you see
Isn't it only right that you deal with it accordingly
I'm one of those persons who believe everything happens for a reason
So sooner her later the reason will reveal it's self
Makes no sense questioning why
Enjoy the pain after all it won't last very long.
A time will come when you'll be able to laugh at it all

Can you feel it
Inside?
Like a parasite
Eating
Away at your mind
Feeding
On raw emotions
Seeding
The doubt inside

It’s buried so deep inside it’s a part of you

Making you want to place the blade and lean on the ******* point

Growing, getting bigger, feeding the rage inside so all you want to do is ****

Prodding and bending your mind until it breaks, ******* help me  to get through this ******* stanza

I love to hate
Don’t you?
Everyone around
Not safe
For anyone to
Stay near
And hate to love
Even you

Some people think I’m just ranting

Personally, I’ve believe that they can’t reach the ******* point

No matter what I say or think I just cannot change the way I feel

I just want to hold you, kiss you, *******, break you, **** you until you lay in my arms all cold and dead

Whisper of a broken
Conscious seeing you
For what you are
Just meat for the grinder
Do you feel safe
Here beside me?
Or do you want
To run away
Screaming
Pleading
Begging
For your
Life

Sand paper hands
And blanket warm skin
Help her though, she can't remember the smell
When's the last time you spoke the single syllable she loves so much
And how is it that you cause her a tornado of emotions
While all anyone can hear
Is white noise
You walk past her like she's a ghost
It's silent, but look at her! She's screaming your name!
Her knuckles are white from holding on
Her fingernails imprinted on her palm
Foolish, foolish girl
Let no one justify her mistakes
Because it was you wasn't it, who blindfolded her
You spun her around, told her to run, and when she opened her eyes
You would be there....you would be there
She's still spinning
Waiting for the right time to sprint

Falling out of my chest
That's the way my heart feels
Pulled in every which direction
Uncertain of you and what you feel
I know you'll find it hard to believe
But that's how messed up my mind has become
Everything you say
She comes like a snake in my ear with her questions
Placing doubts
She always seem to find some hidden agendas
Saying there is always more to what meet the eye
Look with your third eyes
Saying maybe not now but further down the road
So why not end it now
Save yourself the pain
I know u think I don't care but all I care is about you my dear.
Because when you love you love with too much of you
And it takes way too much away from you...
Why wait she ask, really what's the point
And I couldn't find an answer.
But I could see her point
Your going around in circles
And we are not design for such torture
Do u really want me being bitter???

I always said I never understood
human nature and why we are
as we are and as we will be
and as we always have been.

I always said I was never like the rest
I knew I wasn't perfect but I was not
quite as
selfish or as
stupid or as
indecisive or as
foolish.

But now I see how I wanted you
when you were no longer mine to have
and I missed you when you were gone
and I let go of you when you were holding on to me
and I want you more than ever now that
you no longer want me at all.

and only now do I realize,
much to my dismay
that I
am
human nature.

Time for me to start walking again.
I’ve been in this pit stop for too long.
I need to get back in the race but my feet won’t seem to move.
They’re failing me and I don’t know why.
They keep pulling me back to the same place
Keeping me still
As if they were glued to the ground that’s in front of you.
As if they want me to look at you so I can suffer more.
Are my feet telling me that I haven’t suffered enough?
Is there more for me to feel?
I don’t believe that there’s anything more to feel, cause I’ve lost my sense of feeling.So what is it they want me to see?
Cause I’ve seen enough to know that I’m a fool.
I’ve seen enough to know that this world is a cruel place for foolish people like me.I try to pick my feet up so I could run
But its like they weigh 1000 pounds and my arms are nothing but skin and bones.I need some one to pull me.
Some one I could run after.
Some one to start over with and never repeat the same mistakes.
But ..Who’s better than an angel?
Yeah the image of you in my head is still in an angel’s disguise.
But I know what’s underneath that disguise, yet my feet won’t seem to run.
They love the ground you’re on
And I can’t take it.