alone this morning
amber rays outstretched across the parking lot
and i'm the first one there
halo rising above the corrugated warehouse roof
the only car in the lot is mine
my skin warms with the beams that reach it
alone but, not quite lonely
gold specks are strewn across the asphalt around my feet
content with my being
humid air wrapping me in a soft embrace
his gray truck crunches past me
the sparkles dull and the rays fade
my clam is inturupted
the beams blend into a scorching wave
a simple " g'morning" reminds me of what i lack
the air tightens itself around my throat
lonely, but not alone anymore

i walk up
cigarettes in hand
you already have a conversation going
and i'm out of the loop
something about john's motorcycle
i don't know anything about motorcycles
i can't chime in on this one
i stand and take a long drag
i feel the haze fill up my lungs
let it out slow
watch it swirl and tumble away
i'm nervous
so anxious
i've been off my meds for days
the cigarettes are keeping me calm
-ish
you look at me
eye's bright with intelligence
piercing and i feel like you see through me
but, i know you don't
"right, seville?"
you are being sarcastic
you are always sarcastic
sarcastic and a bit woeful and i like it
"oh, yeah totally." i offer up
matching your mockingly inquisitive tone
i'm in on it now
you invited me in
the same way you always do
the conversation rambles on
i throw in a comment
take some drags
and then another one
we're on car engins now
that's some thing i know
all the while i couldn't care less
because i'm watching your eyes flash while you form thoughts
your lips contort while you make words
your hands fly while you explain
i finish my cigarette
i walk away