I’ve loved my son
From the sun to the moon
You could never know
My heart for you

I primed and planned
In dreams of night and day
I wish you could see
What I’ve seen us do

But there’s something
I must do

All the love I’ve had for you
I must sink to the bottom
Of the depths of my heart
I must lock away in a room
In an endless corridor
full of rooms
I must put you away
And hide the key
Throw the key
To the bottom of the sea
All the love I’ve had for you

You’re not here-
the chest is brittle
It could cave in
And my heart would find relief
My limbs are weak
From tremors of weary
Which have conquered me
My thoughts engage each other
At war within
You’re not here
And I’ll never know you

There is nothing I can do

I dreamt of us hanging out
In the car, and fishing trips
And teaching you all I ever knew
Doing for you all I could ever do

I love you son
Even though, you won't ever come
You will never know
How far you’ve moved me

When I write
it's just a poem
but what I feel it is in my spirit
words are a tool
to poke and ****
feel our way around like wanderers in the dark
most wander by
sometimes all do
but sometimes we find each other
then what I wrote
is not just a poem
but the vehicle of connection between you and I

Ocean sprays by the great Pacific
walks and runs and hikes and swims
...
but none of it compares to having peace that's within

heroic efforts and abundant attempts
toward good deeds and faithful opportunity
...
but why won't it alter the man that I am?
~
like I'm floating on my back within this body of mine
just a shell representing the person who bears my name

Dare I have the courage to step off of this edge,
And become traitorous to the identity that they claim?

"How dare I step off of this edge
and become traitorous to my own identity"

I've been under this water for quite some time
and I need to breathe.

Folded arms
refuse mother's milk
a hot pursuit
to wither
and decay

Both hands full
grasp in desperation
a station to rest
in anxiety
and strain

A handful
it labors in quiet
steadily travels
in peace
and love