it comes creeping up at night
a feeling that doesn't sit right
I'm afraid I'll be
awake again tonight

my fears follow me like shadows
only a step behind
quiet, ever-present
always tethered to my mind

even when night prepares for its slumber
and the light begins to wane,
they dwell beneath my ribs
pounding with relentless pain

they grow in the dark
not through form—but by weight
and not even the rise of morning light
can free me from my haunted state

the mirror despises
the eyes staring
as if it was just a shell
of what it could've been
another observer
in a hollow body

it doesn't know me
i don't either

the journey is long
the road is unfamiliar
and the silhouette of trees emerge like beasts

my car is shabby
and the nights are rough
as I navigate my way through rugged streets

I find myself
in a different scene
in a place with faces so strange and new

and home may seem
miles and miles away
but home is never too far with you

letters that blur in my mind
syllables I can't seem to find
three words I once held on my tongue
so often, from when we were young

and it was like a stranger I once knew
so different, another version of you
or what is it just the same?
I just can't remember your name

A touch of warmth lingering on my hand
a missing footprint on the sand
was it or was it not,
a name that I forgot

and time is a cruel mastermind
leaving fragments of a memory behind
of a love I cannot bear
of something—someone—who was once there

I once built a house with bricks and stones
Poured my blood, breath, and my bones
The walls were painted marble white
Not a stain or mess in sight

I once built a house with my heart as a door
With all the love and memories in its core
The rays of sun, through the window they stream
I feel as if I'm in a dream

But the big storm came, and it all broke down
The sky cried tears, and the leaves turned brown
The cracks traced their way onto the wall
The eerie silence settled in the hall

I once built a house so full of life
But now it's tainted with venom and strife
The wind blew out the remains of my home
Along with all the love I've ever known

how wonderful would it be
to be an iris near the sea
after I have laid to rest
with the earth covering me

to sway with the rhythm of the air
to not feel alone, to not feel despair
to hear the crashing of the waves
separating the silence that once was there

need not to worry of the passing time
nor life's complicated design
for I am a flower amidst the fire
and somehow, I know I'll be fine

after I have laid to rest
with the earth covering me
it's truly wonderful to be
an iris near the sea

I wish you could remember
that I'm not thirteen anymore,
and my favorite color isn't blue,
and I no longer dream of becoming a singer.

I wish you could remember
the friends I've talked about,
and the foods I've stopped eating,
and the way I pick on my skin when I'm nervous.

You've always been there
in every milestone,
in every achievement,
and throughout special occasions.

But sometimes,
I think—if you could remember
the little things about me,
maybe, it would matter a little more.

I love you—I really do.
But I'm not the little girl I used to be,
and I hope that someday,
you can finally see who I've become.

why do you say things you don't mean?
three words come easily for you
like a mirage you continue to uphold—
so soft, yet never true.

which ones are real?
and which ones are lies?
your quiet hides what you won’t say
but I see it in your eyes.

your tongue has made it its habit
to use your words as a weapon
but after all this time, I still wonder—
why do lies on your lips taste like heaven?

Stifling. Silent. Still.
No footsteps down the aisle
No bells. An empty ring.
A warmth I haven't felt in a while

I broke into them in our living room
"They're perfect," you said
With a gentle caress to my knee
And a delicate kiss on my forehead

But now they're collecting dust
By the mirror, where they sit
The laces have worn out
And the soles barely fit

I had it all pictured in my mind
The vows. The kids. The locks of gray.
Like a dream so close to my reach
But I just couldn't make you stay

Stifling. Silent. Still.
Like the heels I'll never wear
Empty. Eerie. Erased.
It was like you were never there

if love grins
and sinks its fangs into my heart
perhaps I would let it

if love paints my lips
maroon when it kisses
perhaps I would let it

if love wraps its arms
around me in a suffocating embrace
perhaps I would let it

for if love was to forsake
nothing but scars and wounds
perhaps I would still call it holy

and if love leaves
as quietly as it came
perhaps I would still call it love.

sun-kissed hair
seaside air
living life
without a care

soft gaze
September haze
a peaceful state
to spend my days

my soul grows thorns—not roses
yet you rest your head on my lap
like I am something sacred

when I was six,
I always asked my mom
to check under my bed
she'd smile, tuck me in
and say, “it's all in your head”

the monster—in my mind
hid in the shadows
and kept me awake
left me with an uneasy feeling
I just can't seem to shake

but when I grew up
I didn't fear monsters
not anymore
so I got on my knees
and laid my head on the floor

the monster stared back at me
its eyes colored crimson
but they were meek
not scary, not daunting
just a little weak

it gently reached out to me
with slender fingers
sharp claws in its end
it didn't feel like a foe
but almost like a friend

I found comfort
within the darkness
made peace with the unknown
the monster—wasn't so much of a monster
on the days I felt all alone

your side of the bed
sinks at night—I turn to see
you're not there at all.

I couldn't remember how you liked your coffee
which was strange—I made it every day
Do you like it with sugar? Or just plain?
Would you still have drunk it either way?

I couldn't remember the last time you said goodnight
When you'd crawl into bed and kiss my cheek
Now we sleep like strangers sharing a bed
We barely even touch, we barely even speak

I couldn't remember the last time you felt like home
The way your presence filled up the place
Now the distance is growing like a chasm
And your silence has taken up the space

I couldn't remember how this all started
When there are no words left to say
I don't know how to fix  it—or if I ever will
How strange—to love you less than yesterday

the storm will subside
as night gives way to new light—
Spring will comfort us.