To be able to see
but not to touch
to be able to listen
but not to respond
to be able to try
but fail.
in a world full of possible
what I want
is impossible
his voice
sends shivers down my fragile spine
every time I hear him speak
his dark brown eyes
were like an endless pool of mystery
every time they found mine
oh, how I wanted to dive in
I could recognize him anywhere I went
every time I saw him
I could feel the dilation start
my pupils had a mind of their own
uncontrollable in a way
similar to the ways of the heart
always falling
for one you could never have
but finding such an attraction
that you could not stop the thoughts
racing through your head
why is this happening?
surely this isn't love...

You want me
I want you
You're mine
I'm  yours
We fixed that problem
Two people
Instant spark
Fire.
You put your hand on  my hips
A match is lit.
We are set on fire.
Your lips on mine
It's all I feel.
Nothing else matters
The fire stealing my essence.
I feel like a fire pit
Baby, douse this flame.
Don't leave me.
Hands move to my waist.
Oh dear.
My arms around your neck.
Don't you feel this?
Pulling me towards you.
The heat is too much.
Hands all over your chest
Yours at my hips.
Douse this fire.
Put some water on me
This heat is getting crazy
You pull at my belt
Oh dear
Too late
No stopping us now
Clothes cover the floor Passion and Fire
Almost like fighting
Only with Love
More affection
Same drive
Same fire
Ruffling sheets
Moans
Groans
Muffled noises
Gasps and rapid heartbeats
Slowly turning to steady breathing
Then to silent snores
No more fire
Ash is left behind on our souls
A pleasure indescribable
A fire lit, then put out
Burns left on our skin.
I put my arm around you
Our eyes jump open as another spark flares.

From Lonely, Broken hearts
  To Bandaged, but not Broken wounds
From nights filled with Pain and Tears
  To those with Blank Stares and No Sleep
From Anger and Aggression
  To Love and Care
From Stubbornness and Misunderstanding
  To Comprehending and Patience
Sweet lyrics of every emotion felt
  The Hurt
  The Hate
  The Pain
  The Confusion
And dripping blood
  From wrists only wanting to be Kissed
A Body and Mind
  Wanting nothing but to be Wanted
     To be Understood
     To be Loved
The Trust needed
  In order to Fix what was Broken
What was Missing was once Found
A night of repeated Love songs
  Open trust
  Cracked voices
  Secrets no one knows
What makes you who you are Today
From someone willing to Hurt
  To someone wanting to Love
From Lonely, Broken hearts
  To slowly, welling ones filled with Love.

Strobe lights
Flashing different colors
Every which way I look
They catch the texture of my dress
As I shimmy beside you
We are a strange couple
You with your pale skin
Me with my sweet caramel twist shade
The song changes
This more upbeat
The florescent lights flash faster
The bass thrums in my heart
My body starts to feel the music.
I let go and allow my body to do the rest
I feel a tap on my shoulder
Him.
This boy
I declined
Because of an age difference
He bows and asks for a dance..
I consider
I look at my date
With a stern look upon his child-like face he nods his head at me
He doesn't like this newcomer
Yet
He let's go of my hand as if to say
"It'll be okay for one dace"
I go take this newcomers hand
And dance a slow dance during a fast paced song
Odd...
The song is over as fast as it started
The guest thanks me
and sends me back on my way
back to the boy awkwardly waiting for his mistress to return
A smile immediately illuminates his face
"We are just friends," I think
"We must be..."
As the night progresses it is soon time to leave
He kisses me on the cheek as another once once did and goes off on his way
As I do mine
I see the visitor once more but I decide to evade him
For he is not worth my time
He does not notice me
Good.
I am off
Off to sleep
Now safe in my bed
Homecoming?
Perfect way
To end my night.

Strobe lights flashing
Every which way
Catching the texture of my dress
As I twist in front of you
Your hands on my waist
Send me higher with every move I make
We make an amazing couple
You with your chocolate skin
Me with my warm mocha shade
I am no longer me
I am a new me
A more adventurous version of my former self
You ask me what I have done before I arrived
I simply answer this:
"Me? I have done nothing, for I have always had this side, I never let it out, lest someone notice"
The boy simply replied:
"Yet you allow us all to see now? To notice you now?"
I kiss his cheek
"Dear sir you must understand we be at a party; I must have my fun"
"Then your fun you will have,"
He replied
He grab me by my waist once more
And again I turn into a home for butterflies
They are all I seem to be able to feel
Suddenly
It is time to retire
We leave the dance floor
and go to our separate cars
We arrive to our homes
I crawl into my bed
Turn off the light
Toss restlessly
as this is the one time
My reality is better than sleeping
I do not want it to end
Yet eventually
Sleep seduces me
The most amazing night
and it had to end
yet it seems I have found my prince
For once everything feels right
It was magical

He's surreal
He has this power over me
Not in a controlling way
No one controls me
It's more of a loving way
Oh, and he tells me he loves me!
He claims to love me so much
I love it when he tells me that
I love him too.
More than anything else
Maybe that's why I miss him so much
It's like all those love songs are about him
Everything finally makes sense
I'm not sure what I miss most
Whether it's his...
Smile
So kind and loving
Eyes
Filled with both love and lust
Strong Hands
To hold me steady so I don't fall
An Amazing Personality
To show he cares, and keep me smiling all the time
I don't know what it is that has me missing him so much
Perhaps it's all of him...
I just miss HIM
Either way I know for a fact
It is eating away at  me
I want him with me almost always
Just to know he's there
It's just comforting
What *is this...?

She's sitting.
her tears hitting the page.
one. two. one. two.
turn off the World.
shut it all down.
turn on the music.
let it speak for you.
ignore that phone, baby.
don't answer that call.
don't want him to hear those sobs.
it's late.
turn up the music louder.
three. four. three. four.
let it drown you.
don't feel.
cheeks streaked with wet.
tissues won't work.
sogged up.
there's too many coming.
sit in the middle.
it's safer there.
five. six. five. six.
curl up in that ball, baby girl.
feel that pain.
open those scars.
relive those moments.
cry.
cry till you're numb.
that's the only way.
feels good right?
no more pain.
seven. eight. seven. eight.
think again.
you cried yourself to sleep again.
baby girl, you're breaking apart.
do you know what's happening?
you were wrong.
you messed up.
falling for those lousy tricks.
how dare you fall?
nine. ten. nine. ten.
sleep.
it is what death feels like.
nothing.
morning.
searing pain. chest hurts.
puffy eyes.
cold. wet. cold. wet.
normal.
practice that smile.
till it reaches those eyes.
school.
laugh. smile. laugh. smile.
no one knows.
no one sees.
notice me!
these dull eyes. lost their sparkle.
this broken smile.
home.
hold it in.
don't fall. don't fall. victim.
do your work.
you aren't out yet.
night.
repeat.
one. two. one. two.

Once dark brown matte lips
Now covered in a shiny gloss
Soft like babies skin
Puckered so perfectly
Deep brown eyes
Seeming endless like the ocean
Full of their mystery
Calloused hands
Much larger then mine
On the back of my neck
The other on the small of my back
Pulling me closer
There's no space between us
No sound
Except our rugged breathing
His hands move up my spine
My back arches
Chest rising
His lips move from my mouth
I opened my eyes in disappointment
The good feeling is gone
They move down my neck
His hand traces my jaw
Down my body to my hips
I let out a moan of pleasure
He responds my continuing to kiss me
He eventually moves to my stomach
The tension between us starts rising
A whole new level of ecstasy
No drug could compare to this
We needed it.
We craved it.
His eyes now locked on mine.
He started to explore on his own
Pinning me down
He has his way with me.
When he's done
He cradled me up in his lap.
Like a mother with her child
Back and forth he rocked me
Till we both fell asleep
With a smile of satisfaction
On each of our faces

I love you
I want you
I want you
to kiss me
kiss me with a kiss
so powerful
it brings me to weep
silent tears of triumph
I want you to need me
need me so much
it hurts to breathe
need me more then
you need air
then life itself
don't you love me?
why would you hurt me so?
why?
did it bring you
sick satisfaction
to see me
on the floor
broken
bleeding
crying tears of red
and watch them
dry red stains
across my face
the pain swallows me up
I cannot take it anymore
I must have a release
my nails grab my forearm
and squeeze
from hurt
despair
finally one breaks through
I am done
I still hurt
but it is easier to cope
I sit in my corner
staring aimlessly
into nothing
I'm broken
my heart betrayed
destroyed
into a million pieces
won't someone
anyone
come save me?
I'm calling for help
I'm reaching out to you
but you need to show me
show me you care
don't tell me you like me
when you've never met me
you don't know me
you know nothing
don't like me because
I appeal to your eyes
you're the new boy
I just met
you can't like me instantly
I told you to stop.
why must you push it?
Please.
Stop.
I'm not ready to hurt again
I just stopped
stop telling me you care
I don't believe you
it's hard for me to believe people
I told you I had to go
you told me you wouldn't hurt me
you would be different
I don't know
I'm sitting here
I'm confused
I'm aching
I feel empty where my heart should be
I want someone to love me
but I cannot trust anyone enough
to get that close
I did it before
I got hurt
no more
I'm terrified
those shivering cold sweats
that's me
what about the other one?
he's easy
I've known him longer
he's fun
he makes me smile
is it so bad to wonder?
the first text I see
when I wake up
the last one I see
when my eyes shut
he seems to care
I don't know
I want my Fairy-tale
I want to be happy
to not deal with this
I want my Prince
in armor so white
it almost looks like heaven
where's my happy ending?
I love you you know
who ever you are
I care so much
it hurts to write this
the emotion
anger
fear
pain
coursing through my veins
my entire body
out of my fingertips
onto this paper
the red stained tears from my eyes
fall onto this paper
don't you want me?
I want you
don't you miss me?
I miss you
don't you love me?
don't you need me?
I do.

Restless mind
Restless body
Restless soul
Eyes crying a river
Every night
A lullaby to sleep it seems
A nightly routine
Feeling of loneliness
Feeling of doubt
Feeling of sadness
The need to just shout
A numb mind
A face dried with tears
Only one solution
Make the hurt my heart feels
Go away
A slice for my mind
A slice for my body
A slice for my soul
A life full of lies
A life full of disappointment
Never one to give in
But one to feel the consequence of considering
One slice for lies
One slice for disappointment
Why do I do this to myself?
Cause myself so much pain?
I wish I could end it all
The hurt
The doubt
The pain
I should take one for the team right?
Let's see...
Maybe they'd all be better off without me...

Dark brown eyes
the color of freshly made dark chocolate
Perfectly sized lips
puckering to perfections
no trying necessary
Mocha skin
tauntingly smooth
soft even
craving for more
A smile so handsome
it can light up a world of darkness
A laugh
only to be made by an angel
A scent
sweet
of love, lost, lust
Leaving means aching
Staying means heart throbbing
No medium
No win
No lose
Just there
Something about him
mysterious
constantly wanting more
needing to know more
wanting his everything
no ties or games
different
There's just something about him

Sitting upon a hill
underneath a ginormous oak tree
shedding it's color changing leaves
as they fall around the couple
the girl laughs
the sweet melodic sound
that hypnotizes the boy's very being
he would do anything
to hear her laugh
or even to see her smile
that vibrant smile
that seemed to make her glow
just a little bit more then usual
turning to her
he gently and ever so softly
whispers he loves her
she stops laughing
and turns to face the boy
the sober
yet curious look in her eye
she gets when
she debates doing something or not
slowly
she looks at the boy's eyes
the deep brown if his staring back at her
her's cautiously searching his face
for any false tales
finding none she reaches out with
her slender hands
Oh
the boy thought
how dainty and small her wrists be!
her hands so fragile
used only in the most loving
of affairs
as the girl grabs both sides of the boys face
she then leans forward
her stomach racing
for she has loved him for so long
yet only now
she have the courage to kiss him
as the two's lips met
sparks flew
their world's united
silver chain linked them both
their lives were now intertwined
with the others
without missing a beat
instinctively the boy's hands
found her small waist
FIRE.
the girl's hands went around his neck
FIRE.
every move they made
set off another match
the girl
having started this
gently pushed the boy onto his back
after a few moments
she lift her face form his
her short
dark brown curls so close to jet black
hung around her face
framing the curvature of her high cheekbones
and ****** structure
her hazel almost dark brown eyes
searching his
drinking in his very being
as he her petite frame
everything about him made her very heart swell
never in her life
has she felt this
for anyone
it seemed as if
it could almost be considered
otherworldly
forbidden almost
this passion
this breathtaking admiration they had for each other
then
as quickly as the fire had come
it was gone
yet the burns still remained
you could still feel the heat
radiating off their slim bodies
as they held hands
and left the hill
never to tell of their experience
but to smile and bask at the memory
of which had happened.

We are sitting side-by-side
not saying anything
just sitting
the silence speaks our words for us
you had asked a question before
Where does all the ****** tension go when you let it out?
the silence tells you this answer
it sits
and sits
until a match is lit
like fire to gas
it's all ignited as one
when our guard is down
inconspicuously enough
every feeling
every thought
is spoken
it's all let out at once
no one can stop it now
where does it go?
is chases back inside us
it takes over our bodies
it controls our actions
we go crazy
needing to let out that tension
one way or another
how to
how to? let it consume us both
take over us both
we will have no memory of what happened
only that we wanted it to happen
with swollen lips
and misty
love-struck eyes
yet nothing is sore...so you tell me
where did all that tension go?

You sit there
with a smile on your face
and an overall
state of grace

Now why
would you sit there
and with all-knowing-ness
see me?

I sit there
with a smile on my face
myself having an overall
state of grace

After all this time
you'd think I would learn
not to fall for one such as you

Yet at the same time
you'd think the exact same
for one such as you

You fell
I fell
something neither of us
could ever take back