It's the little things I miss.
The way you slipped your hand to the small of my back.
Or how you grabbed my waist as you walked by.
Your lips on my temple.
We smiled as we kissed.
Spending long moments not talking,
just gazing and kissing.
Do you remember that we slow danced in my basement?
When you missed semi for hockey.
You joked about how clumsy I was.
...Always thought it was cute.
That's a little thing.
Why won't you miss it?
Why won't you miss me?
I fell asleep on the futon,
Safe.
Warm in your arms when I woke up,
as you still slept beside.
It's the way you twitch in your sleep.
The way you're always warm when I'm cold.
The way you told me stuff no one else knows.

But will you tell her?
If she falls for you?
Will she see the little things?
That sweep my dreams?
How couldn't she love you?
How can I stop?
When all I miss are the little things.

Visions of sugar plums
Dance in my head
Until you so rudely
get up on stage
as if to say
Oh no nothing pleasant
think of it like this:
New clothes? Cool
but who will you wear them for?
New lip gloss? That's neat
but who will kiss your glossy lips
ever so sweet?
Merry christmas?Is it really?
When you're only an interruption
A corruption of my mind
And not simply a sweetner to my christmas cookies

You erased the linger of his mouth on my lips
But left a ghost of your hands on my hips

Maybe one day
the sun wont rise
And on that day
pigs will fly
Maybe one day
Hell will freeze over
And the drunken man
Will come home sober
And the moon could lose
Track of the time
And shortest way
Won't be a straight line
Maybe one day
Your name wont be
A trigger to bring me
To my knees

Once it was labelled
You lost what we were
Too many opinions
You couldn't defer

You faked a break up
That soon became real
Peer pressure forced you
To change how you feel

For the next long month
I took space to recover
But on Hallowe'en I found out
That you found another

You two broke up
And Edwin brought us together
We hungout just twice
In the near-winter weather

I thought you liked me
Because we kissed at the park
But you loved me like a sister
Thought there wasn't a spark

You moved on to Emma
And we drifted apart
You found a new family
And it broke my heart

Every promise was broken
You weren't the same Reagen
You forgot about my feelings
And left with no reason

We had the worst fight of our history
So many hurtful things said
The worst: that you're leaving
That ripped me to shreds

Two months spent without you
But only just physically
'Cause you plagued my thoughts
And wrecked my stability

Ironically, it was Emma,
The girl who stole your attention,
That convinced you to come back
And repair our connection

Our relationship improved
But it wasn't restored
We only talked about Emma,
The girl you adored

Eventually, I met a boy
Who seemed to treat me much better
We started to date
He lent me his sweater

Everything changed
When Jesse moved away
You realized who cared
And what mistake you had made

As we got closer
Tristan started to withdraw
I was being too clingy
It's always been my flaw

The saying "History repeats itself"
Has never been more true
When Tristan and I stopped dating
You hoped that we'd get to

And just like last summer
I made out with Owen
But again it felt awkward
So it won't keep going

They say I've chosen you
Like my love's a competition
They say I've chosen you
I do it like tradition

All I know is I love you
And I always want to see you smile
Just understand that I can't
Make decisions for awhile

So happy birthday baby
May all your dreams come true
I hope this year's amazing
And I can spend it all with you

6 has a purpose.
6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9.
6 does ***** things with 9.
6 is mature.
6 is ****.

5 makes you sound too young.
And it's not good for much.
Like your inexperienced self.

6 is one inch closer to 7.
17's the perfect age.
17 is your age.

He always laughs
When I try to act cute
But mostly when
I try to be ****

I think it's because
I'm just a girl
A frail fifteen years
To his seventeen

He knows what he's doing
And I just pretend
Because he used to be
Opposite
To who I am --
      And who he is
Now

"What?"
I ask
But there's never
A better answer
Than
"Nothing"
And often

A kiss

Take a step back and try to understand.
It's really hard for them.
And it's your fault anyways.
So you have to let them hash it out.
And they can take it out on you because it's your fault.
But it was out of your control.
But you still could have handled it better.
Well it's in the past.
You guys were supposed to close that chapter.
But apparently old themes are continuing into the new pages.
Ink spilling across what used to be flawless.
And tucked away feelings creep back.
Because you still blame yourself for what happened.
And they still make you feel guilty.
You only feel bad because you love them.
You only try to understand because you care so much about them.
Can't they make it just a little bit easier on you.
Can't your troubled mind get eased.
You can't fight again.
That was supposed to stop at the end of last chapter.
We're supposed to write new words and recount new memories.
I can't fix this problem.
And I feel helpless.
And it's my fault.
And I'm a *****.
But I'm trying.
And I care.
And I love you.

Drown it out with ice cream
Even if the only thing you can taste is the strawberry of his lips
Drown out your screams
Even if the cold doesn't compare to the cold you've felt ever since

Don’t let it melt
Don’t let him melt your heart with his deceitful words
Don’t remember how it felt
Don’t remember how he was the only one who really knew you

Fill yourself with it
Even if it will never fill the hole he left in you
Eat to make it through this
Even if inside all you feel is left and lonely

“A moment on your lips”
It felt like the right choice at the time
“A life time on your hips”
But you regret it now, don’t you?

I am honest
But honestly I don’t have trouble lying
I am happy
But sometimes it’s hard to stop crying
I’m a leader
But often I find myself following
I’m athletic
But I can’t really walk without falling
I’m loving
But sometimes I really don’t care
I’m smart
But not if you take time to compare
I’m organized
But I lose things at least once a week
I’m good-natured
But I’m also a complete control-freak
I’m trustworthy
But don’t worry I’ll tell you what she says
I’m me
But honestly I don’t know who that is

He's sad.
I need to help him.
He needs me.
I can't give him what he needs.

He needs me.
No, he needs me in a different way.
I'm his friend.
He needs more than that.

He needs a friend.
He needs me.
I'm his friend.
Not in his mind.

He needs love and support.
No, he needs someone to love him.
I do.
Not that way.

But, he's sad.
He needs to get over it.
He can't.
Because you won't let him.

He knows I don't feel that way.
Cut him off.
No.
He needs me.

What do u want me to do
I thought this would stop when you got over me.
And r u really over me because you still seem really attached to dating me.
I don't mean to be blunt.
Ugh this ****** me off!
I thought it would stop when you got over me.
The guilt.
I thought it would disappear
But I still remember what I did to you.
Its imprinted in my brain
And it wasn't even that bad!
Its not my fault I don't like you that way!!
Why do I have to feel bad about it!
I know it was worse for you;
loving someone your so close with when they're off with another guy.
And you don't think its fair.
Well its not
But life isn't fair.
And I'm not being unfair.
In fact I'm being mighty ******* understanding
I always have been.
I've always let the stuff you say slide because I felt so bad.
And when you were over me the bad was suppose to go away!
Because I'm not suppose to hurt you anymore!

When someone you love
Loses someone they loved
And they don't talk to you
Because you and him are through
And you reach out a hand
to no one
And they lose who they are
Were
And you watch as they disappear
From the sidelines of a suicide

You catch glimpses
of what you used to know
When he calls you to feel again
Feel you again
And nothing else
You pray he'll change
Back
Come
Back

You move on from him
But still feel too much
He can't move on from his loss
You lose him to the cost
Of a suicide

When someone you love
Loses someone they loved
And they don't talk to you
Because you and him are through
And you reach out a hand
to no one
And they lose who they are
Were
And you watch as they disappear
From the sidelines of a suicide

You catch glimpses
of what you used to know
When he calls you to feel again
Feel you again
And nothing else
You pray he'll change
Back
Come
Back

You move on from him
But still feel too much
He can't move on from his loss
You lose him to the cost
Of a suicide

The first step is just that.
A step.
One foot in front of the other.
Over the first small barricade.
Turn.
Look up.
Wait.
But not too long.
You can do it.
Test the water.
The timing's right so embrace it.
Let it pour over you.
Washing away the light coating of grime.
Cleaning the small cuts left visible on your skin.
It takes away some of the sting.
Submerge your head in the stream.
Scrub out the trace off fingers running through your hair.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
Repeat until you're clean of all his dirt.
Wash the linger of lips of your cheek.
Shave off those feelings until you're smooth again.
Watch it slip down the drain.
Your clean and presentable.
There. That wasn't so bad.
Didn't take as long as you thought.
Get out and dry off.
Now face the present.

A smile sweeps your face
Thinking of that blissful dream
The sheets still circle you
Your dreams imprinted
On your eyelids
And you open them
Before you can seperate
Reality and wishes
That moment when you don't remember
What happen the night before
When there were no complications
And no broken friendships
When a smile didn't mean tears
That moment when that day
Never existed
That's the best moment

You grabbed my hand and you led me away.
You showed me a way to get through the day
You lifted me up and you made me okay.
You told me the hurt would fade away.

I stayed there with you,
Until you mentioned her.
But that didn't last.
That week was a blur.

It was back to just us.
But no. Not really.
Because my heart still ached
For the boy who made me silly.

A month ticked by,
And your feelings grew
Toward a poor broken girl
With a heart so askew.

Then one day he came back.
Said he'd made a mistake
And my heart straightened up.
He was a risk I would take.

It must of felt
Like I picked him over you.
But there was never a choice.
Not with a heart so blue.

I fell in love.
And you're the one I told.
But when you heard those three words
In your heart grew a hole.

You waited for me
To fill it again,
But you shouldn't have waited
For his love to end.

That day came.
And you had been waiting.
But when I realized this much,
I started debating.

How could you
Escape the hole
With me so close
Creating the pull?

So I said we couldn't
Be as close as we were
And you ended it completely
To get over me for sure.

And we hugged,
As we cried,
And whispered
Goodbyes

It took a toll,
Being apart,
As you took time
To fix your heart.

Today you came back.
You said it was done.
We could be friends,
And finally have fun.

But I can't forget
The hurt that I caused
To a heart so strong
That found me so lost.

A smile
tugging at the corners of my rosy lips.
A thumb
sliding across the tear trailing down my pinkened cheek
Soft lips that burn off the old love
and give life to a feeling more pure.
Take example
from the pheonix.
Warmth
from the cold
Hope from despair
Such love sprung
from such strong friendship

He said:

I love you.
You're beautiful.
You'll always be my baby girl.
You're the only the girl to make me cry.
The only one who catches my eye.
You're the only one.

He said:

I'll wait.
I'll wait forever.
Some day things will have to get better.
I will always be here for you.
I love you.

He said:

I need you.
Please, I beg you, don't leave me.
I'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You're a goddess.
An angel.
I love you.

I knew:

He loved me.
But I was not his.
My heart was somewhere else.
Not easily reached.
And I loved him.
In a best friend sort of way.

I said:

I love you.
I need you.
But no, not like that.
It's time to get over me.
Let's face the fact.
It's for your own good.
I promise.
I swear.
I love you.
I do.
No more nightmares.

Three hearts entangled,
A girl and two boy's.
Which ones get mangled
And treated like toys?
Which ones need mending?
Which ones stay full?
What hearts need defending
From the maddening pull?

Two hearts get broken,
A girl and a boy's.
But what really happened
Beneath all the noise?
One heart broke free,
But what did he break?
Did he break me,
During his escape?
And the other boy's heart,
All twisted with mine,
Fell right apart,
As on ticked the time.

The innocent heart falls
The fallen heart breaks
The broken heart mends
The mended heart heals
The healed heart guards
The guarded heart grows lonely
The lonely heart falls

The empty slide with the empty girl
And the park in the winter
Where no one goes
He doesn't come
Not anymore
To kiss her cheek and keep her warm

"You two are gonna go out."
"You two are gonna end up together."
"Stop flirting with him."
"Second boyfriend!"

I don't want to.
I don't want to like him.
I don't want to date him.
I don't love him.
Not like that.
I love Sam.
Like that.

Why do I have to tell myself this?
Why do these thoughts cross my mind?
It's not right.
It's not fair he puts me through this.

I have a loving,
understanding,
boyfriend.
It's not fair what he does.

How he flirts.
Saying he's better.
More deserving.
But he's a friend.

I''m almost all he's got.
He needs me.
I need him too,
I guess.

But it's too hard.
It's too much.
He shouldn't have let it happen.
It's not my fault.

I can't keep blaming myself.
I love Sam.
He's amazing.
And he loves me.

Doesn't show it as much.
But I know he does!
He does!
He loves me!

When I close my eyes
I blame myself

Now all I can do
Is work to repair
The hole that I ripped
That caused your despair.

You can hold me closer
For as long as you want
And I'll shout I LOVE YOU
In size 70 font

I'll call your cell
On your short walks home
And if you miss me
I'll kiss you through the phone

It may as well
Have taken a year
But now with you
I embrace my fears

You could be mine
And we'd always smile
I could be yours
The hurt finally worthwhile

You're a hole in my heart
A vacancy
A wound that will never cease to bleed
A saddening thought
A bone deep bruise
A ghostly touch
I always feel

The way you speak is so different, so proper
You think sensibly and purposefully
You are not selfish or needy or stupid
You look at other people and see the worth of their hearts
Not the worth of holding them.

You care not solely about ***
Morals and maturity are things you value
Caring about your effect on other people's lives,
Tying up loose ends,
And laughing
Matter to you

You took my hand and we ran
But when you let go
I didn't know
What to do
Lost in the forest of my thoughts
Your world engulfed you
Away from me
Left with bruises
From the branches
Or our love.

When people like what I write
it's like they approve of my insides
At night
My thoughts
When fatigue makes me realize
Nothing's what I thought

3 words spoken too soon
When I still doubt
He even other "L-word"s me
His kisses so sweet
Leaving lies on my lips
And maybe from them
Truth will spring
And one day he'll say the words again
And he'll mean them


Right before he breaks my heart.

Put that chapter behind us.
Okay.
We'll write new stories.
Okay.
I love you.
I'm done this book.

I used to write long poems
With verses and verses
Now I can barely
whisper a word
You took my language
when you broke my heart
And ripped my trust
Like you stripped me
of my tongue
My voice is gone
And I'm left with a mask
of the only words I can find
Like fine
Because my writing is gone
But the memories still burn
With your icy touch

Wrap myself in your sweater
The second my eyes get wetter
Comfort me and make me cry
I can't tell if would rather you or I die

I always thought I was special
Guess I'll guess again