I heard a whisper.
a thought like dust
caught the air of my breath
and landed on every heartbeat still beating for something more than themselves.
a rationale.
a stable refuge.
these are the things I imbue.
nocturnal nonsense swirled about
until your gaze caught my thoughts.
I saw your eyes behind mine.
emancipated, delegated, underrated and unillustrated,
how can I better express myself.
I lost myself trying to lose you.
I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders
to your front door step and left it with a key.
Walk a mile in my shoes and still ask me who's the enemy.
I am.
I am my own downfall.
masquerades never suited me
yet I still wore it with agony.
Antagonized from every side,
the lies lie far between you and I.
I succeeded in forgetting something that never happened
and got trapped inside those angel eyes.
remain a nuisance, my misguided matrimony.
gravity awaits,
for we are all destined to fall.

You wake up early already feeling an itch behind your eyes and at the base of your spine.
behind your throat. Sweating but **** - it's November and you had the window open. Four cups of coffee and seven cigarettes to start the day. A tip: if you put your hands in your pockets then nobody can see them shaking.
"You look hungry. Eat something."
force down a McMuffin or two at noon and a ham sandwich before work. Drive the car.
that night work is noise.  The shift ends with a paycheck.
Go withdraw thirty bucks. Find some *****.
"A guy's gotta cut loose."
a guy's gotta be cut off.
***** this ***** that
twisted up so tight. wound around the bend. coffee and the dashboard lights. Radiation.
three AM fumbling with the keys - alone under a street light at the bus stop
wake up to the tv playing infomercials. Shower. Now repeat.

welcome to light-city
where a dead-****** is on the back of a golden goose
head thrown back in rigor-mortis, days old

1.
the plaza is on fire
one man walks out his delirium into a derelict-town
with so many glittering-lights on
an unhealthy-sheen to his face.. some melted skin
   he seeks the looted-gold the long-plaited one assured was his
   he can't hear the dark-whispers right behind him
   his shoulder-blade itches with a fury no typical-scratch can relieve
nor can he sense the violent-energy half-crackling in the air
hovering in the wings of that dry-wind.. in sullen hiss-spits


2.
elsewhere, many give thanks on the prairie
where daffodils fly free in love
            a motorcade of bikers with a moon's view
            bespectacled-waiter can ask for help
            one child holds in hand.. so many open-answers that adults just fail to see
and dreamers dream *the same dream
in a broken, incredulous world
(you can't hide away in your dreams
   they over-foam your running-legs)
                                      yes.. scamper..!
beware those pretty-wigs who tug at firm-minds
                                              who force you to skirt the true-issue
you plain-refuse to see what you're tripping over
in case it resembles that.. stuff inside


3.
there's a hue of bright-orange in the distance and you can't deny it
it is there
      you can't see it yet
      but you can smell it
within an arc of heightened-paranoia
it has started burning inside the back of your afrighted-eyes
drying out any recollection of estranged-promise
             in a hopeless land of artifice
be not perturbed by fumes which rise in choking-plumes
the workmanship of assiduous imps, dutifully-bound
beset to task all goodness and beleaguer any hope
that only the blind-man can feel in bones-vibrated


(bring forth your legs
tarry not
sing with fully) heartened to glory of light
there be a breaking in the pattern
not everybody made it
so less power to the battle


                                                        ­               the circle is not done..



static.. static.. static.. // static.. static.. static.. // static.. static.. static.. // static.. stat.stat.stat....... //




with a half-smile of patience (she says) -
within your dream.. I'm there
I call you forth
into real-light
here..




S T - 30 nov 13

Some people say that true love does not exist. It's funny cause I used to be that exact person. With having to deal with such agony of a loss of my own mother at a young age, reality became a part of my world. Love though, was never evident to me. Never clear, nor around. Hope was lost along with faith. How could I ever turn to bringing myself alive with feelings only someone else could give me?

It happened.

Struck me through many faults, and times of confusion.. I found myself to be fascinated and utterly taken by someone else life. It just gathers your feelings and throws them into a well that you will never get back. I fell deeply, madly, continuously, in-love.  But this was a love that had no way to be described or defined. This love to me became more than a feeling it was a sense of living, and to be without it would be impossible, heart-wrecking. It became my persuasion at life.My hope for a future, and my inspiration for believing in greater things. You did this to my heart . You filled my vains with something other than blood, but yet a poision that only you could make. Your love. Your taste.Your sound, smile, your looks, and just the way you walked in room making it seem so alive, i was captivated.

Love is so wrecking, and is so STRONG. It is something that should not be messed with . People ask me all the time.. how could you be inlove your so young... you have a whole world to meet...there are bigger things than this. What does that matter. No age, no number, no disease or death could determine such love that is unconditional. You see, its not forced.. its just there. Its as if you blink for a second and your whole world is changed. you feel as if theres a glass over your eyes and you know longer just live for yourself. You live to protect, to hold, to cherish, and to provide whoever that special someone may be with every part of your soul .

You mean the world and beyond to me. You mean such beautiful dreams to me. You soul brings me down to feel all the gravities of love. Your bright,your sunny, your breath taking in every cliche way their is in a sense of being mine and only mine.

Life brings us these mysteries, and obstacles that we must overcome to be strong and better than we could ever imagine being. Sometimes things happen that we may not even have the mind to control or explain, but to work over. You have always been my strength, and my biggest weakness but will never be any sense of failure to me. We must be braver to be brave, to feel extreme, and to experience the true meanings beneath compassion, and loyalty, and security. Once a love so strong, that a love must be stronger. You are my one and only . My fairytale that has no end . Your my storybook, and although i may be hurt , i trust in your heart that you will replenshish this love  and vision how our lives intertwine for such powerful reasons. We've had a love that cannot die nor burn out. So believe me , i will never stop loving you now , then , and after that. True love exists in the eyes of the beholder, and i am a victim of something so moving that no pull could break my longing for your touch.

I love you , I need you and I only pray for your heart. never give up.

-Jl