You're a piece of art that I'm scared to touch because my fingers are bleeding and you're too beautiful for blood
So I'll pretend that I don't want the texture of you beneath my skin because I already know exactly how this will end

I'm beginning to think that we were never supposed to meet
I was only a river in the midst of land
And you were every single last grain of sand
Never had anything in my short life felt so infinite
And you must have drowned in me, if only a little bit

The wit just drips off your words
But I'm not really there
My palms are wet and cusped and filled with the liquid formation of what I'm given
Advice I grip onto and try to let absorb into me
Try to taste it, to feel it, to see it
Trying to know if it applies
Something that lets me know that there is direction to this life
Signs and signals I've been purposefully missing for so long
Avoiding all the warning signs that leave me exhausted beyond amount
Maybe they're speaking to me
Desperation is all my body language has became at times like these
Desperate for the period at the end in the midst of all the question marks I don't have enough words or connecting brain signals to give adequate responses to
Long run and ever going
An object in motion will stay in motion until stopped
But all my tactics to work around things have succeeded until all the sudden everything meets in a forced crash
It always meets somewhere and when it does I'm left in the rubble and aftermath
Trying to sort through all of the connecting parts left unconnected that I could have kept together if only I had
But I never do
It all crumbles and compacts until more things are adding up that I keep apart until they eventually meet
And they're all sharp
Biting and unavoidable
But I don't stop
Focusing all of my attention on sawing one down instead of stopping the making of others but because instant gratification has always been my favorite forte
I've only ever succeeded in getting nowhere but lost

I was lost in my own rib cage
Until I realized that loving you wouldn't make me love myself anymore than I do now
But I'm still turning your freckles into constellations in my head
And connecting the dots with my fingertips
And you're still laughing like you love me
But you fell for an ideal
And the sea is not always calm
More often raging and falling into itself than it is not
I still romanticize the way your eyelashes would fall from your eyelids
And how it made me feel like you have so many wishes to make and they're all full of life
Just like you
But loving you won't make me feel anymore alive than I do now
And if it does it's only in moments that I preserve for the times that I don't
I can't keep freezing the moments that never last and checking my rear view mirror to see if anything is following me from my past
I know that you're gone now and it's time to stop looking for you in all the places you left behind
Because I was one of them

I knew it
By the way the shortness of breath evaporated all the words from your lips
And with mearly a slip of the tongue that had just grazed my neck
Gone

I can't be the one to say it so
I don't say anything at all
I've got a forest fire burning all the trees I spent years growing in my solar plexus
But all I am is skin and bones and blood harboring unresolved conflicts I try to hide with smoke
Sending fire signals to all the other valleys in sight just to make sure
Make sure no one else gets hurt while I'm burning myself to ashes on the ground
Yet no one gets the message and everyone wants me incarcerated for the fact that maybe no one bothered to listen and at times like these all I can say is I'm sorry you hadn't payed more attention
I was cutting off whole limbs for people that wouldn't even give me a hand when I needed one
Somehow the smoke swallowed me when I wasn't keeping the best watch of myself
I disappeared inside that hollowed out hole inside my chest
I'll take the blame for lighting the match but for all the people that spilled the butane on me and somehow can't even muster up an apology
Maybe I'm greatful I didn't die just so you wouldn't be the ones to write my eulogy
And some of the time
That's more than enough

You stole pieces of me
Maybe I gave them to you when you decided to give me yours
Maybe I shouldn't have ever opened that door
But you took yours back quickly, snatched them up and ran out
It took me a while to come out of the shock you left me in
To realize not only that you were leaving but you were leaving with mine too
And a year later
You want to flash a smile
Say you apologize
That you're guilty for it that you think of me daily and try to hand them back
A dog with it's tail tucked between his legs
Holding a shoe you tore to shreds between your teeth
But the truth is they were always yours
And I don't want them anymore
They don't fit me the way the used to
I've already stitched together different patches of myself so many times to try and become something whole
And then you try and hand them back, tainted with your scent and thoughts
You morphed them into something else
Everything I've spent so long try to compensate
Given back to me like it didn't mean a thing
Like I hadn't spent nights on the bathroom tiles crumbling because I was left with nothing
Like you hadn't stolen my heart and stitched my chest right back up without it
Like I hadn't filled my veins with all sorts of terrible things just to forget about how you had polluted everything
Or that I didn't even know how to be me without you
But in all the odds somehow I grew
I managed to get on living my life  
Without your knife pressed against me
Just for a year later you decide to give me this ****** up surprise
I don't want them and
I don't want you