These are more than words on a page
They are alive
Holding my demons captive inside
Unable to ever die
They strive
They thrive
Makes my thoughts go into overdrive
They will always survive
Move and wither for attention
Waiting to be mentioned
Trapping me into another dimension
I need an intervention

Can't you hear my screams
Oh wait you put them on mute
Thinking this just one of my reoccurring themes
You just sit there and brute
I go out in my costume
Pretending to be what I am not
She is okay, you just assume
There is way more to my story than the plot
In case you forget
I am afraid to get caught
In all those lies I bought
So I sit here and rot
With all of my thoughts
I couldn't be more distraught
Wishing it would all stop
Somebody has to play cop
Before it's too late and I drop

Painless sleep
Is that too much to ask?
I sit there weeping
As I drew my bath.
The water slipped through my fingers
Like every compliment I got
Drowned underneath me until I forgot.

Sitting in the bar just drinking
Tired of waiting for someone who will never come
My brain going overdrive rethinking
I will never reach an outcome
Throwing my glass at the wall
Remembering how it feels to be small
Thinking of where I went wrong
Drowning all of my sorrows and mistakes
Why do I have to be so fake
Looking back and remembering how it feels to have a real smile
Always acting as if I am on trial
But I can not I am too scared
Everything in my fantasy
Just sitting by myself drinking Hennessy

Filling the voids in my heart
With the lies, they will tear me apart
My death will come to no shock
Their words will be a constant mock
As people will soon realize it was about time
I had to pay for my crimes
My words soon turn into the songs they play in the summertime
In the most heinous possible way, they will boast
The ones which I love will betray me the most
My soul will slowly decay on overdose

My heart stops beating
Words can't escape my mouth
I stop dreaming and reminiscing
Feeling myself drown
Noises getting too loud
I look down under me into the deep sea
Waiting for somebody to notice my plea

I found myself gazing into those sea green eyes
Waiting to be baptized
At last, I was a sinner
Did not deserve any mercy
Cries echoed rumbling through me
Every time I hear it, I die slowly
Long and deary
The pain will go away I say to myself in a wary
It never did
Took away all of my glory

Looking into the night
Waiting for something mystical to occur
Found myself holding my breath
I spin around in a spur
My eyes go all blear
I can not see the truth
What life holds for me
Will I ever be able to

Looking inside a wishing well
Wishing that everything goes well
I wait for my wish to come true
I wasn't surprised when it didn't
It hardly comes through

My body is screaming out to me
No matter how much I hurt it
This has to be the end
But it tries to mend
An impossible task
I put on a mask
Waiting for my daily act
Set in stone in my contract

Reaching down inside of me
Evaluating all my insecurities
Judging myself every step of the way
No matter how hard I tried I cannot run away
I will always be a stray
Never accepted in society
Consuming me was all of my anxiety
People thought my life was perfect
If only they knew I am an addict

Putting a smile on my face
Thought I would get far
Didn't know pretense was phase
I was the complete and utter disgrace
I faked it until I couldn't anymore
I ran and slipped on the floor
Saw all the gore
Sun darkened leaving me blind
Abandoned me
Unlike all my crimes
Voices in my head said I couldn't get away
They were right
Everything in black and grey

Sitting in my chair
I start letting go that part me
Playing nervously with my hair
I can finally breathe
I was trapped inside
The web of lies I have woven.
I am finally but not completely free
My heart smiling slightly
The world looks a little bit brighter
I have proven myself to be a fighter
One day I will get the courage to end it all
Till then I will stand tall
Not taking the great fall
Stopped banging my head against the wall
Stopped guzzling the alcohol
Stopped feeling as if I got hit by a cannonball
Now I am sleeping at nightfall

My heart is imperfect
Full of holes and arms
That stretch out to others
In hopes of bonds
No two holes the same
No souls shaped alike
And only the right ones
May fill each hole right.
Relationships we build
Form the fabric of life
Loneliness in any form
Cuts sharp like the knife
To love is to know
To know is to hold
I will cherish those loved
Till all has grown old.

I just fall to my knees
Suffocating in all the *******
You injected in me
Poisoning my system
You built me my ultimate prison
I beg you to leave
Please allow me to breathe
Lying on the floor helpless
I can not even plead
I just bleed
Others stand watching as you slowly end me

I have hurt a lot of people
I did so even if I didn't mean too
Traveling up this steep hill
Pushing the rock up like Sisyphus
I may be a bully
I may act like a cold hearted *****
But that doesn't mean I feel the consequences of my actions
Passing my time with all the distractions
Avoiding my pay all my taxes
Trying to hide my true feelings
Acting all tough and unruly

I am paying for my crimes
Or am I?
Somebody please pay attention to my signs
I am crossing a line
Pretending to be fine
When I call, do not decline
I need someone to look at me as if I am a goldmine
Calling me like I am a hotline
Value me like a dollar sign
Not running away from me like I am a porcupine
Making me into their headline
I need someone to call me, mine
Do not make me say goodbye

I am a misfit
Standing in a huge world
Shut in a tiny cockpit
Sinking in a tarpit
No getting what I deserve
I may be a reject
Lacking a lot of respect
I am only human
Filled with confusion
Living in an endless illusion

Running away from who I am
Keep on posting on Instagram
Keeping up with social image
Never exploring my limits
Nobody should know I am a mess
Everybody thinks I am #blessed
I must confess
Behind this made-up face and pretty dress
I am distressed
People think I have no problems
Scrolling through and looking at all the models
I have hit rock bottom
Poisoning myself with these toxins
It just makes me nauseous
People just assume they know me
They are obnoxious
Guess I got to put my fake face on
I am far gone
Just a pawn
In this huge game of never-ending chess
Nevertheless
I just have to keep on moving on
Accepting I am the black swan
I am the oppressed

He's hurting
He pushed me away
I'm not sure what to say
The fact that I cared
Made him scared
He won't even try
All he said was goodbye
I want to be there
Run fingers through his hair
I'm trying to let him go
My heart says no
The longer I stay
The harder it is to walk away

1,2,3,4
Get off the dance floor
5,6,7,8
Just go home and take a break
9,10,11,12
Can't wait to see you burn in hell

Sticks and stones may break your bones
But words can pierce your soul
Thought I could block it out with my headphones
Always pushing me down a never-ending hole

Pain never goes
Light never stays
The only thing that remains
Are you in my embrace

Waiting for the time to pass me by
Caught between all of my lies
Can't give a single reason why
Blinking tears from my eyes
I love the night
Everything will be alright
It is the perfect time
Seeing all white
Not trying to fight
Who gives a ****
Unleashing who I really am
Stopped acting as if I am in an exam
No need to lie
No need to deny
I can fly
If I only let go and say goodbye

Why do I feel so empty inside
Like everything is gone; my ego, my pride
Nobody knows how much I tried to put it aside
How much I tried to laugh
Everything is frozen like a photograph
Worn out by the pain
Too numb to explain
It makes me go insane
The only thing which will help me survive
Is it ignore it and get on with my life

I am breaking inside
As long as they are happy right?
Getting all the good grades, ivy league universities
I don't have a life my own
They will always remain on the throne
Nothing ever satisfies them
Nothing is ever good enough for them
I am never good enough for them
Dancing to the beat for their drum
They say they are not controlling and selfish
I beg to differ
They blame me for my rebellion
Calling me a hellion
Just because I want to live a life by my own choices
They raise their voices
Leaving me voiceless
I am helpless
I am reckless
I am friendless
I am breathless
I am defenseless
Comparing me to other kids
I am sorry, I can not be perfect so stop your subtle digs
There is too much pressure
Keep on fighting for the treasure
I need a refresher
It will get better
What a joke, call me a jesturer
I look around, all I see are my assessors
I need an adventure
Have to make an endeavor
Escape from all the cold weather
Little do I know I am trapped forever

He's hurting
He pushed me away
I'm not sure what to say
The fact that I cared
Made him scared
He won't even try
All he said was goodbye
I want to be there
Run fingers through his hair
I'm trying to let him go
My heart says no
The longer I stay
The harder it is to walk away

Standing trapped inside
Your real smile makes me go wild
Staring at it for a while
Brings out my inner child
I want to embrace you
You say you are fine but I see right through
Your smile is fake
No one else can see it, that makes me ache
Seeing you struggle with your heartbreak
You always give but people just take
Don't appreciate you for who you are
Watching you bottle up your feelings in a jar
I can not help you from the sidebar
You say au revoir

Hiding underneath the cover
Ignoring will make all my problems go away
Pretending I am the hunter
And not the prey
My bullets deflecting right back at me
Leaving me wounded and hurt as can be
My confidence shining right through
But I am insecure
I try not to give out clues
Hiding behind my own shield
My fate is sealed
Still waiting for my wounds to heal
At last they never will until all my secrets are revealed

Somedays
I just want to stand still
Pop another pill
Numb the continuous pain
Dance in the rain
Accept the fear
Maybe even shed a tear
Silent Voices
Without any possible choices
My lips are shut
Another cut
Scars may heal
Doesn't make them any less real
There is no hope
I will always be restrained by ropes

You tied me down
Heartlessly removed my crown
I begged you to let me go
To end the show
You never listened
Threw me into a prison
Little did I know this was all the beginning
Crushed my ambition
Forgot all about my existence
You had one condition
Life imprisonment
I had to keep my distance
You soon became the twisted Villain
I feared you might become

I wish i'd smile
I wish i'd not think of myself as an exile
I wish i'd tell the truth
I wish i'd embrace my youth
I wish i'd be vulnerable
I wish 'I'd be more predictable
Because behind my steely eyes
A darkness arises
There's something
I am yearning
I am not nothing
Something people don't bother learning
But deep inside far in my mind
The burden I carry weighs down on my soul
Somewhere inside me, I know I will never feel whole
I will feel the guilt, hurt and headaches
But if try to erase those past mistakes
I can learn to smile
And it might take a while
But I know I can somewhere inside

Watching him from afar
Watching him smile burn brighter than a sun
His laughs echoed down the empty walls
Keeping me from having a great fall.
He is making me hold on to my sanity
Without him, I could be doing all sorts of profanities
Wanting to trail my hands through his hair
Reminds me of how I cant and the despair.
He turns around to face me with his piercing stare
I wish I could touch his face I swear
All the hopes and dreams we could share
So many words and gesture I can use to show him I care
But I can not I am too scared
Everything in my fantasy
Just sitting by myself drinking Hennessy

Bringing light to a world that only seems dark
It is not easy as you think, it is only hard
Stepping away from the shadows and embracing who we are
May sound like our personal Alcatraz
We are so set in our own paths it's difficult to look around
If we don't we will soon fade to the backgrounds.
Hoping and wishing to become someone who we are not
Only creates our doom and makes us stiff like a blood clot.
Why can't we appreciate who we are
Because we are cowards too scared to embrace the star.

My heart is aching
I am reaching
Keep on dreaming
Wondering if it is all going to be alright
You were my ride or die
Until I left you alone
Abandoned without an explanation
Like every other clone
We were the perfect equation
I ran away when things got hard
You gathered your things and went too far
Caution tape around my heart
Put you out like a cigar

One, Two, Three
I try to believe
Four, Five, Six
There is nothing left to fix
Seven, Eight, Nine
No one left to confine
Ten, Eleven, Twelve
I can never delve

I stand there naked
Nothing is protecting me anymore
I try to strip away my layers
I pull them closer to me in fear.
I look in the mirror
Scars trailing down my body
Reminders of all the battles I have lost
I am sitting there in my Audi
Reminiscing about the good times
My skin is coated in frost
No heat can ever warm me up
I am beyond repair
I am thinking of how much I ******* up
I am far worse than an affair

I hear the battle cry
I look up at the baby blue sky
Covering my ears with my hand
Make it stop I demand
I stumble to my knees
Wanting you to hear me begging, please
My silent cries echo in your head
But you don't help
You pronounce me as dead

Life is game
To win you must know how to play
Breaking the rules is a recurring occurrence
It is the only way to gain your insurance
Those who play fair
Try to give you their assurance
But will be trapped forever in utter despair
You can never win the game
Without a sense of shame
Without sharing the blame
Without an indirect aim
Cheating or not
The outcome will always be the same

Falling apart
Unable to pick up the pieces
Of my broken heart
Hearing the sirens of the police
Running away
Faster than a prey
I can never commit
More afraid than I like to admit

Missing a piece from my vase
No amount of glue can save my grace
Prisoner of the law
Staring deep into those blackened jaws
There is no cause
I wait around for the applause
I cannot erase
The feeling inside of me
Muttering to drop out of the race

I'm good at hiding things
Better than a wife hiding her ring
I should tell the truth
I am ruining my youth
I bottle everything I feel inside
I can't take it anymore
No matter how much I tried
I cried myself at night
I wept until I was sore
I couldn't even crawl back to the shore

I'm hiding behind a screen
Trying to breathe
All the air gets knocked out of me
I am waiting for a single soul
I cry out for help
No one comes by my side
I am more alone than I ever felt