I may not be your first.
That's for **** sure,
I don't mind though.
Just make sure i'm the last.
Come home to me,
my heart is open for you
i'll make dinner and clean,
do anything you want
as long as you're happy.
Your happiness is my happiness.

I want to find out what you look like first thing in the morning with your favorite comfy sweatshirt on and you're sleepy smile and what you like to do as a routine for breakfast. I want to be able to hear what you sing or hum in the shower. Which side of the bed do you claim and how would you wrap yourself around me? How much do you light up when you talk bout something you love? I want to learn your coffee order by heart and keep you close to mine, favorite food and favorite candy. Do you like whiskey? Or do you like beer? Please tell me it's not beer, i've learned this before but you can repeat anything as long as I can hear. What's your favorite season and why? Can we dance in the rain and kiss like it's our first time? Or are you against cliches? Are you the type of person who can stand polka? I sure as hell can't. Do you believe in forever? Even though you've been broken so many times in the past? Does my favorite person on the planet think you're a good person? If not, i'll question it too. Will we share food or are you a picky eater? Can I be super romantic for you? Or does it make you uncomfortable? Are long care rides okay? I love to drive and you have ample permission to be my life d.j. and just contribute directions and conversation topics. I miss your stupid teeth and awful humor that laced my everyday stupor. All these things I crave to know about you and I don't think i'll find out, pure agony is found with no resolve found close by. If I was to see you tomorrow, all these questions would flood to the front of my mind. Please come back. For my sanity and to be loved more than anyone else could ever love you. I just want to learn everything that makes you, you.

If I see you again, please look away
don't even bother giving me the time of day
I can't bear to hear your voice enter me
I love you
do I though?
How will I know?
I know about your tattoos and fears
you know my fear and desperation
hold me and whisper everything that you are
i'll yell to the world how I feel but not tell you
ask around, Hellen Keller knows I love you

You say life is bettered when with her
to ditch those around you whom care.
Looks given from her when surrounded
just another reminder that your love is classified
almost always mummified.
Drop flies, recently best friends
for a seasonal love,
love is supposed 365, revolve around kind of thing.
Fights, flings, other things should alert you
that’ll be the life you be living
sit stranded,
middle of a self-eradicating time bomb
created, blossomed
from a falsely accused label.
Label yourself as taken, less like the movie now
more like the happy, love encrusted, teenage romance.
Red in the face from a fist full of truth
lie to only the liar
willing to enough to witness the Moriarity
ending in a fatal scene of faked goodbyes.
Maybe this IS too boring for you
look around, failing in a pit of despair
meaning you’re wanted but never needed.

I’ll let you in on a little secret,
the kind that usually only escapes my lips
when i’ve had too much Jack and I lean my head back when it’s told.
The kind that causes my eyes,
not to be able to meet in line with yours
after it’s escaped my trembling, beyond tipsy
laced lips.
I’ll let you in on the secret knowledge of how
my hands tremble more than usual,
my heart beats at an unsteady quickened pace,
words fall out of my mouth without any meaning behind them
tangled in with the constant knot in my stomach,
bags under my eyes are only a
doorbell in understanding
fixation of over thinking without sleeping,
deepening the meaning of withdrawal.
Sweep the idea of fully comprehending what all this means
under the rug
no one can ever put it in a glass
under the microscope
and dissect the situation without the toppling of my being.
Maybe this is in reality,
the type of secret that
only Jack can reveal and right now,
i’m out of money and without a cause.