It’s like you’re in my bloodstream
And my body is trying to detox
But it can’t get you out

Sometimes I have nightmares
About the things you would say
How you made me feel

And other times I think about
When I would say stop and you wouldn’t
And I would hold back the tears

I can’t remember why
But I didn’t think you were wrong
I thought it was my fault

Because my warped self esteem
Somehow taught me
That I deserved it all

And now I’m an anxious mess
Even though you’re gone
You’re still here

It's much easier to be okay
When the person that's always encouraged you to keep it together
Is there to keep you from falling apart

Someday is not today
But someday I will fall in love
When your hand is in mine

Someday I'll wake up next to you
I'll pull you close
And breathe you in

Someday I'll make love to you
And as our bodies entwine
You'll show me the magic in love

Someday I'll wear a white dress
And as I walk towards you
I'll smile your favorite smile

Someday I'll look into your eyes
In the faces of our children
And I'll adore them because they'll be half you

Someday is not today
But today
I look forward to someday

I am in love
With the smell of your skin
In the morning
Buried under blankets
Kissing your lips
Breathing you in

He made my heart
Turn into stone
You chipped away the bitterness
And made me warm again

I used to hate
When the sun rose
But now I love the morning
When I wake up next to you

Holding hands
Was far too much work
But you entwine your fingers with mine
Without a second thought

When you press your lips against mine
The passion exclaims such intensity
That I fear for a moment
You think this kiss may be our last

But the kissing never ends
And I feel as if I could stay
As if these moments could last
And I want them to

You create a happiness within me
That’s always in the corner of my mind
My head and my heart are in agreement
For once, I know what I want

As if my organs’ vitality depended on it
I will keep you
Whatever it takes
Because you’re who I want

At the end of the day
When the sun sets
If I am not with you
Part of me is missing

When I was with him
I was dark and twisty
When I am with you
The world is light and pure

The difference is you
Your gentle love has changed me
Because of you
I am who I want to be

I read everything you write
I am your biggest fan
And one day you’ll forget me
But until then
You'll reside in that same little corner in my mind

It’s hard not knowing what you’re doing
We never talked every day
But we could have
Just knowing that I can’t call you when I need you
That’s the hardest part

You never know what you have until it’s gone
I never understood that phrase until now
Because you’re gone, temporarily, but you are
And it’s hard to function without you

I’m going through rough things
And since I was just an adolescent
You’ve been there
We grew up together
And now I have to do this alone

You’d be proud of me, I think
I’ve stayed strong, stayed golden
I promised you that I would
And I’d like to think I’m doing my best

I miss hearing your voice
I miss the occasional “thinking of you” text
I miss reading what you write
Because I’ve read it all
I’m your biggest fan

I hope you’re still writing out there
Because I know that’s what you were made for
You’re going to do great things
And this is just the first step

So even though I miss you
I know that you’re doing what’s right
I hope you’re staying golden too
Because you deserve the best

I’ll never forget you
I’ll always be here
I’m your biggest fan

Redness creeps onto my cheeks
Liquid salt forms in my eyes
Causing my vision to blur

Childlike sounds escape my mouth
And I can't stop them
Because it's become too much

You knock on my door and ask what's wrong
But you don't know
I'm crying because of you

You can't get away with treating people like this
He doesn't deserve this
He deserves better than you