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FallenInTorment Oct 2017
I am a magnet for misery, among self hate and reckless stupidity. With no one to love or be loved by. Pain and sorrow buried within me. Disguised as something I am not and will never be. It hurts to be human, so I’ll swallow your pills and absorb your words as my mind continues to fall apart. No one can hear my silent screams echoing into the distance, as the walls tumble down around me. Pounding on the glass that never breaks, falling but never hitting a ground surface, I am stuck in my head. The pain is too deep, always on the edge to resurface. Hurting is part of being human. Some will rise above it, and others devoured by their depression.
Ryan P Kinney  Jul 2016
Hypomania
Ryan P Kinney Jul 2016
Do it now
Keep going
Never stop (repeat)

**** the consequences
Don’t slow down
Live fully in every minute
Expect everyone else to
Hold them to impossible standards

So much to do
So many ideas
No time
Who sleeps anyways?

This energy builds and destructs
Explodes into my life in a rash of impulses and hurt feelings
My mouth ****** off more people
Get kicked out of another bar
Alienate another friend
Write more checks that bounce before the ink is dry

I am stuck in a prison of abstract ideas,
And overpowering emotions.
A random coagulation of quickly scrawled,
Half formed ideas
Spewing from unimaginable imaginary conversations
With people that never existed
Scribbled incoherently with no regard for structure or form.
Then reedit, again and again,
Until the nonsense is decipherable to normal people.

I am afraid of stopping
Of being too slow
Terrified of complacency

Get happy
Sad
Angry
Don’t give anyone a second to catch up
Moods change with each tick of the clock

ADHD…Nah.
I can focus
Hyper-focus, intently
So much so that I forget to eat, sleep, breathe
Forget that time and the world exists

Was this what Picasso was like
As he obsessed over a canvas
Or ******* as he whipped paint across the floor
Chain smoking his life through his fingertips
Casting the spent matches into the paint

I can’t stop once the adrenaline starts
My head is a toxic chemical soup
The only antidote is a massive rush of endorphins
If you catch what I mean

Here’s all this information
I’m going to keep bombarding you with it
Make something out of it
If I’m satisfied
Maybe I’ll stop
(I won’t)

— The End —