Small talk is much more of the former than the latter,
small, definitely,
but I've rarely, ever, talked.

My favourite?
"How Are You?"
As if the true gauge of such a complex question
can be summed up in a random stop and chat.

My response?
"not bad",
or something similar no doubt,
but sometimes,
I feel like being honest...

honestly...

i feel like boo radley in a town full of atticus,
feel like i deserve no more than the back of the bus,
feel like every single word that i say,
is another cliche, just another cliche,

feel completely silent, scream with no effect,
hope to find a true meaning, it still hasn't happened yet,
feel divided, from this joke we partake in,
where every single victory, is simply, a fake win,

why is nostalgia the only feeling that's appealing?
back when inadequacies weren't worth concealing,
that's all i cherish, that's all i want now,
and instead i'm standing here, and you're wondering how...
am i?

“...How Are You?!”

when fate's gentle whisper turns into a scream,
and crashing down come all of your dreams,
a roaring tide from what once was a stream,
tell me, is everything as lost as it seems?

"when one door closes, another one opens!",
that's nonsense,
i'm staring at a one-sided peephole, hoping,  
that the people that said they would help,
and forgot,
truly feel how the hell i've felt.

...that's how i am.

Twelve years ago on a cold November Georgia night
We drove to get my brother Josh a new Labrador puppy
He played with the dogs and carefully watched how they behaved
Dad whispered to mom, “Let’s get Joe a dog. Maybe it’ll teach him some responsibility”
“No Bill. We can’t do that.”
I remember playing with the litter of yellow labs
And you were the fattest of the bunch. Your loose skin bouncing as you galloped over
That night we left with two dogs instead of one I named you Boo Radley.
Though you were not shy, you became a monster of a dog.
Protective and mysterious
Often misunderstood by surrounding humans
But what do they know any way? It’s me and you Boo Man. That’s all that matters.
You were an enigmatic creature, always keeping me on my feet
I never knew if you were going to charge at the family across the street
Only to arrive wagging your tail and licking the scared little girls face
I left you Boo, only four months after I became yours I had to take care of myself, so I could be the best for you. I knew you understood.
You became mom’s best friend and companion
When it thundered outside she locked you in the bathroom to sweat it out alone
As any good mother would.
You were the only constant in her life that year. Always greeting her with a toothy grin.
You gladly shared your fur when her outfit for work needed some improvement
A year later we finally began what proved to be the most fulfilling relationship either of us could ask for.
Boo, I never heard a dog talk to me the way you did. Your vocal range was most impressive, and you were never scared to share.
I believe you were an evolutionary miracle A dog far more advanced than the rest.
You spoke to me every day about your wants and desires
Which mostly consisted of more food, more walks, and more swim time.
On nights it stormed I became the little spoon. You’d hold on tight, shake and cry.
The park was your kingdom, the water your domain
You’d let every intruder know that this was your turf and they were welcome as long as they knew.
You were a gold medal winner at the “Boo Stroke,” A slow barreling doggy paddle
It seemed like you took minutes before you arrived at that **** stick floating down the river
But without fail, the rolling water was no match for you B-Rad
You’d grasp the stick gently as to make sure to return it just as it was before it was thrown
Stick in mouth you’d proudly appear.
In your later years you gave up the prideful dominance.
You softened and became a tender lover, a licker, a constant tail wagger, a doggy trotter- not a doggy runner, an even slower swimmer, an early morning riser, a gentle giant, but you stayed my best friend.
You never wasted a good opportunity to stuff my socks or someone else's in your mouth. Or underwear for that matter. I will forever appreciate socks that don't match thanks to you.
You drove twenty-one hours in an over packed broken down jeep
Stuffed in the back next to bags of clothes and picture frames you followed me west
For the both of us it was our second chance, a second skin, to become what we both knew we could
We scaled mountains out of breath with ****** blisters and sore knees
We said, “Hell yeah! We love this.” Only to go home and sink into the couch for days.
Eventually, we learned to stick to the rivers and lakes that we were used to (Boo Man-Chu, sorry for the TLC reference I know that was not your preferred genre of music)
Boo Bear, you were my wing man and helped me convince a wonderful lady to join our family
You reluctantly learned to share the bed, although I am not sure you ever forgave me for that
You struggled at times to live up to the lofty energy level you set at a young age.
But you kept on. ******* as always.
You battled doggy anxiety, hips that failed you six years too early, and an owner who doesn’t know how to properly give a doggy haircut.
Sorry for making you look like a waffle fry last summer.
Yet, you were always there. You were consistent, dependable, and loving.
I could even count on you to show up in my lunch at work.
I’d smile, shrug my shoulders, think of you, and devour the hairy bite with pride.
Boo Radley, you were my rock and my soul. I only wish I could give you one last ear rub and hear that loving grunt one more time.
Best friend, this ended all too abruptly, all too soon. I miss you. I love you. I suppose the intensity in which you left my life is fitting for the intensity in which you came.
I hope to see you in my dreams scratching your back in the grass. I expect to play a game of fetch before you have to go.
I am sorry this happened to you, if I could have taken it all on myself I would. I love and miss you. Always and forever.
These words could not be more true. Here’s to you Boo!
“But in his heart he knows that sometimes a dog is as good as any man
Trying to do as we should
That doesn't always rhyme with doing what feels good”