I ain’t no super hero and I got no special skills, I’m just a man trying to make it in this world. I don’t have all the answers, don’t even know all the questions yet. God knows I ain’t perfect neither, I’ve made my share of mistakes over the years. But I don’t back down if I ain’t wrong and I try my best cause it’s all I got, so baby, my best has to be good enough cause it don’t get no better than that.

Johnny, sling your rifle boy and shoulder your weapon well! March in pace with your brothers to the burning gates of hell. Shuffle your feet and hoist your pack, grenades on your chest and ammo in your sack. Still the devil laughs with his heart of black as he ushers you one by one. Single file you walk the final mile with sons fighting fathers, and fathers fighting sons. And which side won? What was the toll? A cost paid of broken bodies and scattered souls for those who dared, those who cared when cities were laid bare. And for those who later cried alone at the sight of burning homes. The smoke burning eyes, stinging tears to atone in the coming years. The fears buried deep turn to nightmare sleep about red running rivers and flames. Awarded metals and ribbons and cheers of fame over death, given, and taken in shame. Yet here we stand one and the same, day after day with a smile. Counting the miles we march, as the devil laughs in single file.

I have become lost in a vision that was once never mine to have; a thought unseen, as in a dream that was never shared. But I was there because I dared. Or so I dared to believe, and thus was left to bereave, in whole, for the death of my hopeful, emptying soul. Yet the pen well knows these secrets which flow through my hands. As blood from fingertips pours black unto the inked page of the history we write for ourselves, left dusty and forgotten, on forgotten shelves, and in forgotten times. Such was the blindness of my eyes as I ran through thickets of whispers, unafraid, I the unshackled slave who stayed; biding my time, binding in rhyme, my poisonous thoughts. For what have I left, save for portentous doubts; that once shouted, fall upon deaf ears? Fears dripping from muted lips, flowing through clenched teeth, hand in hand with the silent promises never made. A foundation of jade that supports the sky, for there were no walls built in the becoming of I.

In the land of kings I am a king! In the land of princes I am a prince! In the land of rain I look heavenward that these tears could be rinsed, and thus hidden from view. Thus Hidden from you. You who may see, that in any land I stand alone, a man apart with a fractured heart that beats unevenly, yet carries me through....And if you have to ask, yes I wear this mask, this among others to cover self doubt that bears no answers. As if it were formed of a cancer, that eats at my mind, twisting inside at a maddening pace. Stripping away my imagination, my lonely hiding place. Devouring all but the bad taste of reality; which to face constantly seems a must. Sheltered no more by my broken cage as the bars scale with rust. Trust that I am nothing more than this dust, kissed of gods and breathed life to betray. Burdened of sin again and again under the guise of false pride to ride on these pale winds of turmoil and blame. In the end it's all the same, the details may change but the story remains. Buried in a garden of shame where we have all planted our daisies and prayed for the clouds to deliver the pain.

The apple rots on the tree over time
It’s smooth bright skin becoming paper thin
Paper thin and grey effected by age
Effected by the flesh that was once firm
But has now decayed
Until it falls to the ground
Never to move again in the gentle breeze

I listened to my heart…

When it shook with fear, as its scars sung the songs of yesterday.

I listened to my heart…

Pounding in my ears like chaos in a silent symphony.
It screeched as it broke apart, fragmented pieces shorn and twisted.
Tearing away as it sank into the cold abyss.
The rusted wreckage of a once great ship, forgotten beneath a greater sea.

I listened to my heart…

It whispered “My God” when I saw you.
When I was so afraid to take the last of a hundred second chances.
Tear down my defenses and trust again.
Try again to live only in this moment, this time without the armor, without the hesitation.

I listened to my heart…

As it became attached to yours, running blindly into a new forest.
Chasing the footprints of wolves.
Two worlds that were meant to collide and become one big mess together.
The inseparable pieces of one existence.

I listened to my heart…

On that day you took my hand, dressed in white and promises.
I spoke the words “I do, I love you”.
They flowed across my lips like liquid, like a prayer I was unworthy of saying.
It was the day I began to live again, and I said your name as you took mine.

I listened to my heart…

In the years to pass, looking back on my life as it was, and as it is.
Lying next to you, enshrouded by the dark silk of night skies.
I took you in my arms, laid my head upon your chest.

I listened to your heart.

Break dawn to tear the sky in fire and herald the coming day! Blood red dancing clouds, heads bowed to the songs of birds as they scream, angry in their cries. Feathers torn on wings beating skies soar perilously in sorrow. For the birth of the day foretells of its death and the coming of tomorrow. Linger, linger and laugh in times borrowed, hours despised that what we hold temporarily are lies all lies! Our lives are but tears in a child’s eyes that come and go as a tide ebbs and flows. Then retreats from the shore leaving us so much sand, the broken glass on which we stand shaking for the promises forsaken. Shaking for the cold truth taken that we fade in our time as grapes wither on the vine and enemy time laughs with cruel revelry. Merry in our ignorance of what we see painted on the horizon.

This is my life, though it is not my story to tell. I am but a simple actor playing his part in a much grander scene. Sadly, I am not that skilled in my trade. I am little more than an extra on a stage that has become overcrowded, and it is how I live my life that will become the script by which history will tell my story. If I play my part well enough my remembrance may be somewhere in the credits; lost among the scrolling lines of the lives of others.

I left my footprints on the sand piper shore, a lonely expanse of coast that stretched out for miles, and I, beguiled, took this path in search of healing. It was a journey that had a start, but its ending was based on mending and whether or not this would happen by my hands….or yours…..

Another year has past, and shattered the molds from which we have been cast. Never to tread upon that sweet ground again in our race to our final days counting the calendar from beginning to end. I'll meet you there in that place if you win, dear brother, dear sister and dearest of friends. That you knew you were carved in the stone of my heart never forsaken and never apart, no matter the details... Lives change lives, and a soul touched once can never be the same, never be tame or forgotten.

Rest in Peace Dad 1:45 a.m. 29-Dec-2010

Happy New Tears!

Those who know pain know my name
They cast doubts
Hide in shame
And lay blame

They know my name
They know my name

Unspoken thoughts
like words on the page
Though they fade
Stay the same

They whisper
They whisper
They're screaming my name!

Cold and stained
From the tears
Cold and stained
From the rain

Elements of emotion
that show no restrain
Break the chains
And flee

Brittle parchment
The cracked and torn remains
Of a life remembered.

You can find me there, in your hopes, in your dreams. The places you forgot when you closed the book on a life so intangible; now break the manacles and run, and you can find me there, need me there as the bullet needs the gun in the breaking light of day. run, run, run....and I will be there waiting....

A thousand red hands
Touch my thoughts
Sing my song
Kiss my lips
In a dream
Of things seen
In a dream
Swarming bees
As they sting
Dancing dolls
So pristine
Twirl white
Flowing gowns
In a dream
In a dream
Yet I stand
Unafraid
Shiver not
In my dream
Made by you
From a smile
As you sing
In a dream.

The cigarette burns against my skin,
The pain that burns hides the pain from within,
And I forget for a moment why I cringe inside.

I forget what it was I was trying to hide.

I forget why you left,
Forget why you lied,
Seared away in my foolishness,
This pride burning pride!

Crushing the crimson ash,
This slowly rolling torment hisses and I gasp
Now in dismay at my rage on display.

How foolish am I,
How timmid my timbre,
That this ember serves as my novocaine
To all things remembered.

Yet this pain is easier to bear,
And smaller are the visible scars
So judge me not,
You who know me not!