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Sean Critchfield Oct 2013
I sometimes wonder
If my last regret will be
the things left unsaid.
Sean Critchfield Sep 2013
Though I know we spoke these words as children.

The little boy in my heart holding the hand of the little girl in yours.

I truly believed that you loved me bigger than the mountains.
Sean Critchfield Aug 2013
I got caught caring again.
I got caught believing the little lies were light and that they marked the end of the tunnel.
I got caught letting my mind slip to the hairs on my pillowcase turning gray but always smelling like her.
I got caught believing that beautiful things last and promises are things we intend to keep.
I got caught hoping.
Hoping that my forever wasn't the losing half of a wishbone.
Hoping that storms passed and the sails, though tattered, would be true.
Hoping that my brand of love was not a fools errand. Not folly.
I got caught up.
Caught up in all the things we said we'd do.
Caught up in plans and promises and kisses and contracts.
Caught up in a ball of yarn so dense that it felt like a forest in my heart and I with no way to see the path for the trees. Until I saw the trees for the path.
Caught up in every should have. Every would have. Every childish want for a do-over.
I got caught waiting. Biding time. Angry. Jealous. Hopeful. Discontent. Capitol. And sipping wine with Etheridge Knight when I knew the Knight was darkest before the dawn.
I got caught in the middle. The rope in a tug of war between my head and my heart.
I got caught gnashing my teeth in futility. Clawing the roots, begging the tree to move.
I got caught wandering a path around the outskirts of the hole in my chest like a crater.
I got caught lying. Trying to convince myself that I was better off and better for it and better when the soles of my feet touch open road.
But the wine is sour. And the trees are burnt. and the dawn has come.
And I will not be caught again.
Sean Critchfield Jul 2013
The calmest place that
I have ever been was in
The eye of your storm.
Sean Critchfield Jul 2013
And though the bells may ring their last,
And the dark of night is coming fast,

I'll sing the song of every kiss
and make the most of the things we'll miss.

Until this present becomes our past.
Sean Critchfield Jun 2013
Yes. And Forever.

We have not yet given ourselves a chance to miss each other.

These days. It smells like bliss.
These days the nights are so perfect they feel like pumpkin pie.
These days I am dumbstruck at the phantom in my bed.

Her voice is a paintbrush.
I will make this love my masterpiece.

I love her laugh.
Because it is the sound her smile makes.

She is a shining star. A heavenly body.
I am a mongrel dog, howling at her light.
Sean Critchfield Jun 2013
Even now, as we lie here, heartbeats like a metronome for the coming storm, I write songs in my head for you. And though my voice will never sing them, they are the soundtrack of your kiss. Each record scratch on my heart like a pressed vinyl love letter. Shaping my sinking chest into drum skins that my pulse beats against.

If I were covered in magic dust, you would be my happy thought. And all my childish notions of what it means to be romantic would be written down the sides of Chianti bottles in melted wax, like an oak. And in that bottle we would keep our hungry mouths.

And still I find my heart adrift. Ripped sails and ropes leading skyward like veins. Split and tattered and stitched haphazardly together, waiting for the lightning to strike twice and bring it to life. My throat a bricked flue, leading to an open mouth, spitting smoke from the torches my heart fears but always seems to carry.

And I stretch my spine skyward. Trying to wedge my head back into the clouds but manage only to cast the shadow of an orchid that has begun to lose its color and wilt at the edges of its wingspan. Coming to terms with the idea that it may never be picked. Not even its petals, even numbered like a deck stacked against it that it might lose in a game of being loved and loved not.

We want for a little more time. Arm wrestling clock hands into submission with god like fury. Ticking tongues to dampen the prophecy of false mediums. We practice fighting so we may fight for each other. Fight for the greener grass on the other side of the pavement walls we draw our chalk hearts on.

The clock tower is a lighthouse. The lighthouse is a windmill. The windmill is a giant. The stories never end.

Even now as we lie here, heartbeats like a metronome for the coming storm, I write bed time stories in my head for you.
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