how long did I love you?
yesterday Chuck just said
stop,  because I told him
about that green trellis dream
and the one where I chased you
through Nepal, and he leaned in
close and smiled at me the way
he does when he's about to cry
and told me to let go, just


let



go



















so i did.

I wrote about the pinstriped girls whose elbows make you feel alive.


but I have tree sap in my veins
filled to the brim with leaves,
eaves that drip holy water
charcoal in my hair and
bluets follow where I
step, I am komorebi
the sun will always
always, always
find

me.

unceremoniously
breaking up with
you because I only
half meant it last
time but for my
sake I have to
use my whole
heart on this one
have to use my
whole, my whole
my whole, my whole
heart.

you left
at sunrise
while I had
my head turned
and disappeared up
the mountains, I went
looking for you in Nepal
even down dark hallways
where I wouldn't normally
spend my dreamstate, I'm
spending my alone time
looking for you, but
you're always leaving
already gone, sharing
yourself in New Mexico.

i sometimes wish
we had made love
so that at least you'd
have one redeeming
thing to say about me
but maybe I'm just
that crazy one who
told you she hated
you.  

is that what you tell people?