redemption is not found at the bottom of
the ocean, as i have found out. all i know
of is lungs filling with watered down
metaphors that compress my chest. the
way panic attacks works is similar to it.

i have not found redemption in anything
because i thought you were some type of
celestial being sent down to me. maybe i
assumed you were god, but i didn't expect
you to flood the earth and forget about me.

you let me drown out of self defense.

i found more comfort in the white walls i
surround myself with on a daily basis because
without you, i have nothing. i have found more
comfort from people thousands of miles away
in a minute than comfort you can give me in a
month. i have accepted redemption will probably
never arrive, so i have attached myself onto her.

she is the one thing i have left as a sister, and i
would be more honored to lose her than you
anyway. i'm sorry if you are not finding any
redemption yourself, but at this point, i will
find redemption in someone more stable.

you are unstable, and i never wanted this.

- kra

it's strange how our colors changed
from analogous to complementary

- kra

be aware of the fist fights in your prison
yard because you will notice that you are
fighting against me. excuse me, but there
is no excuse for dragging me along an long
winding road and abandoning me at your
expense. be aware i am only human like you.

be aware that i have memorized in detail
the wavelengths of your shallow breaths
the difficulty of closing in onto you because
you were my butterfly hiding it's wings.

be aware that some people don't see the
marks on your back that i made, but i
realize how painful it must've been when
you basically handed me a knife and told
me to cut your wings off. i regret that still.

be aware of the love we used to share, like
my heart was a shoebox and you were an
entire store's worth of shoes. figuratively
speaking, you became a worm hole for
every sinking feeling in my chest and i
let myself drop into this wonderland where
even the walls lie to me about happiness.

be aware that somewhere a groundhog is
burrowing a hole to hibernate for winter.

be aware that you are my winter season,
and i am burrowing myself into everything
else to distract me from the thought of you.

- kra

you are a acute demonstration of smoke and
mirrors, and every time i happen to miss you,
i remind myself that even the trees with the
most amount of leaves could turn out to be
a dead tree in the middle of winter, butterflies
decorating the bare arms of the tree. even if
you are dead, you still cover yourself in gold
tinfoil & refuse to admit it's anything but gold.

you are an acute demonstration of the planet
enduring mass extinctions in these cruel ways to
die, and you manage to still look healthy on the
exterior, even when we have collided in ways
where you are the drunk driver and i was the
victim. i know you don't remember that long ago.

you are an acute demonstration of reminders
that somewhere a family is falling apart, a
child is ending up an orphan, a white lie that
turns itself into a lie. you are a reminder that
bad things happen to good people, but that
even good things happen to bad people.

you are an acute demonstration that i am
flawed, i am going through major bug fixes
constantly, and never do i find the time to
fix them. clocks are ignorant of me and cut
me off exactly the way you did it.

- kra

i doubt you've managed to realize what
you have become in my perspective.

imagine yourself as a mild virus, crawling
your way through my pores disguised as
white blood cells. you circulate through a
crowd infecting people, of course, they
fail to see a disease when they see you
blossom. they see a garden where my
blood was spilled. they see train track
marks on my skin and don't ask how
they got there. you will inflame the
hearts of vulnerable people like you
promising to make them bloom, but
sweetie, do you know everything has
to die? you tied me to the train tracks,
and tell everyone it was my clumsiness
like it was my fault that left me alone
dying on the train tracks. it was your
fault you tied my hands and feet to
the bed of the tracks. if you admitted
to the crime, you would compose a
symphony of white lies confessing of
the fault lines i crossed. if i died by
your hands, it would have been like
watching the bride come at me with
the same knife she cut the cake with.

you managed to infect my being with
fervent compassion for you, yet i wish
god gave me the controls to erase that
feeling. this animal-like hunger is not
welcome inside of my bleached skin.

- kra

we imagined our bodies were continents but my
continent became an never ending earthquake,
trembling until it tears through the exoskeleton
of my body. the earthquake was panic attacks. i
learned to interact with them so i could see it coming.
i learned to appreciate the homes i destroyed, and
i helped you clean up the rubble after i obliterated you.
architect of sadness: you built an expansive house
that's always empty and chilly. you let the prettiest
flowers wilt and die. your bright colors coating your
exterior shows promise and sentiments, but even the
ones who walk through your doors notices the absence.
it's always too late to sever ties when you are given the
keys. your voice is like the dinner bell, ringing through
the west and east hallways and haunting these walls. we
were two different worlds clashed together like the big
bang, we were pangaea, a super continent exploding with
content and then continential drift split us open. somewhere
along the line, you became australia and myself the united
states, where swimming to you became an impossible
task. even at the end of it all, i asked for the keys to
enter inside the same house holding empty promises
and a foundation i knew was built from the hands of an
amateur architect. is that what love is? walking into the
scorch of hell's fire because you're willing to deal with
the permanent third degree burns and scars the fire will
leave on you? because that's how i know i love(d) you.

- kra